Victoria
is Ready to Lift (Off)!
My best friend, Victoria, chats with me about dead lifts, learning how to say ‘no,’ and her childhood dream of being a “part-time teacher and part-time Britney Spears.”
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“I’m a pretty random person…BUT I have good intentions!” Vicky laughed boisterously. That’s how Vicky answered my first question: “How would you describe yourself?” It’s a certified goofball-Vicky response.
“I love how that’s the first thing you tell me about yourself,” I chuckled.
“Let me think…” Vicky paused, her gaze tracing the wallpapered room. “Wow. I had time to prepare for this question too. I don’t know. I’m just gonna go with whatever comes to mind.” She grins and trails off,
“I like to eat…”
In late August, Vicky and I sat in her family’s home in Milton, Massachusetts — in her basement to be exact — to cool off from a humid summer day. Old relics of her first childhood home adorned the basement walls, inducing an immediate nostalgia for our middle school days. Cheesy, framed photographs of her and her two siblings posing for a “photo shoot” in China hung in grid formation. A Nintendo Gamecube was left askew on the floor, plugged into a pre-plasma era television set.
There in her basement, I could still recall the afternoon Vicky dropped the bomb that she was moving from Germantown to Quincy’s upper middle class town-next-door, Milton. We were huddling in the back of twelfth grade philosophy class when she informed me she had to pack up the house she grew up in — where we grew up in.
The flashbacks of us, our stories of innocence and childhood — zooming past the projects on our bikes, my converse sneaker sinking into the wet cement at the corner of Palmer Street, and the “blue store” where we bought candies with quarters — felt ever more solidified into the past tense.
Though if I needed to revisit those places or roam the unexplored pockets of our lives, Vicky is still the friend I call first. She is one of the only people in my life with whom I feel completely unafraid to express myself. For the kind of person who hesitates before speaking, having a friend like Vicky to openly speak with — without pretension or judgment — is nirvana.
In the eleven years we’ve known each other, we’ve talked about our dreams and insecurities, sampled California’s wine country, camped by the seashore, hiked the mountains of New Hampshire, cheered at Paradise Rock Club, hosted a yard sale, sailed the Charles River, and even performed together as trees for our middle school musical.
I smiled at the thought of those memories, some fresh, others clouded by time. I pulled a short list of questions I wanted to ask Vicky up on my phone and we nestled into the yellowed leather couch from her old house. It was just how I remembered it — wonderfully worn-in and clunky.
Some things don’t change.
She’s still my shotgun-sitting pal, my backpack-slinging adventurer. Every time Vicky walks into my kitchen, her first instinct is to check my fridge for snacks. Our favorite memories are still the ones that can be solely referenced through body language. She is the most self-aware goof you will ever meet — and if you know Vicky, that’s why you love her.
Francesca: “What do you like to do for fun?”
Victoria: I really like to hit the gym, as you may know. I like lifting so I like to do squats, dead lifts, benching, you know, power lifts. It all started, actually, one and a half to two years ago. I don’t know when I officially started. But I did some research, went on Instagram and I follow a lot of fit people. To be honest, I first started it mostly for aesthetics. But then eventually as I got to do it more, it became more than that. It was definitely a mental thing and a physical thing. You get stronger both mentally and physically. Yeah, I really like it. It’s definitely one of my passions.
Francesca: How do you think you’ve gotten stronger mentally from it? What does that mean to you?
Victoria: [It’s] definitely mind over matter. You hear that a lot, but that’s true. You think you can’t do something and once you do it, you’re just like, oh wow I accomplished that or overcame an obstacle. And I think that tells me more outside the gym. Sometimes there’s something difficult going on and you just remind yourself you’re stronger than you actually think you are. I really enjoy the lifestyle. It’s definitely something I plan to do for pretty much the rest of my life.
I will be one of those people who is pregnant and squatting.
And yes that is safe for you. So don’t be bashing on those pregnant women. It’s definitely helped me grow stronger.
Francesca: Now that summer’s almost going to come to an end, do you have a cure for the summertime blues?
Victoria: I was telling Jerry earlier — I thought it was kinda funny that right now would be the time we usually pick classes and stuff. I was like, oh we don’t do that anymore. It felt relieving in a way — that I’m not stressed about that. But yeah, it’s kind of like that ‘back to school’ feel in the air with all these commercials and my brother getting ready. I’m just here like, I’m gonna get a new job. I’m kind of excited for the fall.
Francesca: It’s something else to look forward to.
Victoria: Yeah, for sure! I definitely do have plans for the fall. I feel like that will keep me busy, so I don’t know if I’ll have the “blues.” Other than not getting to hang out with [my friends] as much. I feel like I’m more excited than anything.
Francesca: What is going to change?
Victoria: Definitely this new environment for my new job cause’ I’ve been at the Y[MCA] for over six years — which is crazy. It still feels like yesterday when I started. Wow, that was six years…
This is my first real job. Whatever they call it these days. [Laughs] I’m super excited for this new place. Really cool environment. Good vibes. People were awesome. They were really welcoming. They said I fit in very well with the company — the clinic, so I was excited to hear that. I think I’m starting at the end of this month.
I’m gonna still try to continue to volunteer at [Massachusetts General] Hospital, because I still really enjoy that. I think I’m gonna shadow a physical therapist in September as well. I’m also going to be looking at applying to school for the next cycle. I’ll be super busy.
The dynamics at home are going to be different because my sister’s gonna move back to school. I guess Stephen’s still going to be here, so that’s the same. You’re not going back to New York. My friends are here, so I’m happy. We’ll probably see each other every weekend, so that’ll definitely help if I ever feel the blues.
Francesca: Tell me a favorite memory of me. Whatever comes to your head first.
Victoria: Oh my gosh — where to start? I have way too many to even condense into this conversation. The first thing that popped up was sailing. I think it was sophomore year right?
Sophomore year [of high school], we decided to join sailing. To be honest, for the sailing jackets. [Laughs] We wanted to be cool. Anyways, we ended up really liking it, but we never got those sailing jackets.
Francesca: They got it the next year! Remember? We saw it in the lunch room and I was so mad.
Victoria: Oh my god, they got it the next year? Well, sophomore year we joined the sailing team not knowing a thing about this sport.
Francesca: I feel like we imagined that we’d just be sitting on this boat not doing anything. [Laughs]
Victoria: That was exactly our mindset! Yeah, we were just gonna chill on a boat on Charles River. I remember taking the train with you after school every Wednesday.
Francesca: Yeah, I remember that.
Victoria: Every Wednesday after school, it would be fun just taking the train with you to Charles/MGH Station. And then we would go to that house thing…what’s that thing called?
Francesca: The boathouse?
Victoria: Yeah. And then we would learn the sailor knots, which I don’t really remember much of. I just really liked spending time with you, even though we didn’t know what the hell we were doing. It was fun! It was cool because we would have down time and we’d just talk and stuff.
Francesca: If you could go back and relive your teenage years, would you?
Victoria: I would definitely love to see how I was back then, even though I’m pretty sure I’m similar. Then again not. I feel like I changed a lot too. Yeah, I’d go back but I wouldn’t change anything. I just want to see how it was back then.
Cause’ you know how you can go through Facebook and look through the years? Like oh wow, we used to talk to this person. It’s cool to revisit different phases of our lives.
I enjoyed my teenage years. I didn’t think it was as miserable as people say theirs were.
And people say as for looks I haven’t changed much. [Laughs]
Francesca: How many times have we said that?
Victoria: I don’t think I went through an awkward stage. Wait no — I did. My eyebrows. I had caterpillars. And then this lady in China over-tweezed them cause’ I had a photo shoot. She’s like, “Let me do your eyebrows!” I was like [cringes]. “It’ll look better in the picture.” Okay fine.
She went overboard. Then she colored it in, so it wasn’t as thin. But then when I washed my face, I had no eyebrows. It wasn’t until I came back to the States and my mom’s like, “Vicky, what happened to your eyebrows?”
Francesca: “Mom, you tell me! You made me do this!”
Victoria: I know! I slowly let them grow back. But yeah, it was ugh. One time I don’t want to relive.
Francesca: Tell me about something you regret having not done and why you haven’t done it.
Victoria: The first thing that popped in my mind is just not telling someone how I felt about them. Being straight up. I guess that kind of falls under the same category. So in the past, with guys and stuff, my mindset was [to be] really nice to them and flirty. I thought they could tell that I liked them, but clearly not.
And so my mistake would be to assume they already knew — when in actuality they had no clue or they just assumed that I didn’t feel the same way because I didn’t say anything. That’s one of the things I’d like to change. At least I’m working on it.
It’s not easy, but as time goes on — I just have to be bold.
Francesca: If you were imagining your life years into the future, what do you hope for yourself knowing this is something you want to work on?
And then in other stuff — I remember telling you about this — sometimes people make offensive jokes. And back then, I didn’t know what to say so I’d just laugh it off. But now, I feel like I would say something like, oh that’s not okay. I’m not a very confrontational person. I try not to get myself into anything because I just don’t like drama.
Francesca: Could you tell me a story about something that happened back then that made you uncomfortable?
Victoria: Yes. One time I was at a party [with] a couple of my friends. One of the girls — she was white — made an offensive black joke. There were no black people around, just white and Asian. Back then, I had no idea what to say so I just kind of nervous-laughed. But it was really, really bad. It wasn’t a funny joke. I didn’t really say anything. It was just super uncomfortable. But everyone around, I guess they were just laughing.
I was just like, yeah, that’s not funny. But I didn’t say that out loud. I wish I did.
It’s hard to because that person’s your friend and you don’t want to start anything. I definitely would say something today.
Francesca: How has your life been different from how you imagined it would be in high school?
Victoria: I guess growing up, we have that mindset of: go to college, get a job, get married, have kids. As I got older, I realized not everyone fits into that timeline and that’s totally okay too. Basically, you don’t have to please anyone other than yourself. But back then, I guess I had that mindset too. It was instilled in us when we were young.
We are super young. I don’t know how a lot of people would decide on one major at that point in their life with no experience in the real world at all — besides high school.
Now looking back, high school is so apart from the real world.
We don’t know how to do taxes and all that. But I guess in high school, I wasn’t focused on jobs. I’m trying to think back to high school Vicky and what my mindset was. It was probably just focusing on in-the-moment. Getting good grades, going onto college, and then thinking about jobs.
Francesca: Did you know what kind of career options you wanted to explore when you were in high school?
Victoria: I remember at one point I had no idea what I wanted to do. I remember growing up I wanted to be a teacher, a vet. So many different careers. I even wanted to be Britney Spears at one point. [Laughs]
Francesca: I was just about to say… What about Britney Spears? [Laughs]
Victoria: Right?
Yeah, part-time teacher, part-time Britney Spears is my dream job.
I remember I was just struggling really hard in high school trying to figure out what I wanted to do. All I knew was like I wanted to help people and I [liked] physical activities. I didn’t really know career-wise what there was out there. I remember struggling and asking you guys and you guys were like, “There’s plenty of things out there!”
You remember we took those things that analyzed your skills? At the end, they tell you A, B, C. I remember taking so many of those quizzes in high school and none of them helped because they all gave me different things. I was like, I don’t know what this is.
One day, I was talking to my mom about it and she brought up one of our family friends [who] is a physical therapist. I really didn’t know much back then what it was, so she was telling me about it. I had never heard of it — I think that’s why. I was super curious. I guess it was because she was explaining it to me in Chinese and I didn’t really catch on. So I researched myself and the more I researched, the more I was like, oh this is really cool. I was looking into it and then I was like maybe I should go for this because it’s things that I like. I’m helping others.
It wasn’t until I shadowed a physical therapist where it confirmed it that it was something I do want to do. I think I shadowed around junior year of college. It was around 2013.
Francesca: Do you think you would have ever gotten into physical therapy if your mom never mentioned it to you?
Victoria: That’s a good question. Even if she didn’t mention it, I probably would have eventually gotten to it. Because at the gym, they do have a lot of rehabilitation services and there’s a physical therapist. I was exposed to it a lot. I think I eventually would have found it on my own, but I think my mom definitely helped with that decision-making as well. I’m glad I had her to help me out with that phase when I didn’t really know what I wanted to do.
Francesca: What do you think you would have ended up pursuing if you didn’t happen upon physical therapy — even though you were saying it could have happened? What else do you think you would have been interested in?
Victoria: I forgot what year I was in high school, but I think I wanted to be some kind of fashion designer or thing to do with art. I think my mom was telling me, “Oh it’s a really competitive field” or “it’s a hard-to-find job.” So I think that scared me a little bit. I think I grew out of it. Could be a number of things. But yeah, that was junior year or freshmen or sophomore year maybe. It was kind of a hobby, I guess you could say. I just enjoy drawing and art in general, but career-wise I don’t know.
Francesca: Is it still something you want to do, even if it’s a hobby?
Victoria: Yeah! Yeah. I really enjoy drawing and flexing that creative side. I actually like sketching and painting a lot. But there’s also music too, which has been a part of my life for a very long time — like piano. I used to play the flute.
Francesca: Wow, I almost forgot that you played the flute!
Victoria: [Laughs] I used to play the flute in middle school. Yeah, that was a long time ago. I still do know how to play though, but I haven’t played in a while. But anyways, back to piano… I feel like even though it’s a hobby, it’s more than that for me.
It’s kind of therapeutic because when I’m stressed out, I just sit there and get lost for hours. It’s crazy. I don’t realize after like oh, time for dinner! [Laughs]
I think they’re outlets for when I’m stressed and then I feel better after. Kind of like therapy.
Francesca: What’s your favorite song to play?
Victoria: I have a couple. The first thing that comes up to mind is [Yiruma’s] River Flows In You and… I forget the name of it, but it’s a classical song. But I’m sure you know it too. It’s very well known.
Francesca: How does it go?
Victoria: [Laughs] I don’t want to sing it! You know how great I am at humming. I like to play Fur Elise by Beethoven. I’m gonna look it up.
Oh my gosh, this is my failed attempt at humming. Good thing you can’t transcribe this! [Hums a few notes] Okay, no. [Laughs]
Francesca: Wow, she just tried three hums and stopped. You can tell me later.
Victoria: I’ll play it for you later and you’ll know. I also like to make up random melodies in my head.
Francesca: Could you tell me one of the important life lessons you’ve learned in the past few years and how you learned them?
Victoria: One that I always live by is — I don’t know how I learn this one — be in the moment and enjoy who you are and who you’re with. Don’t stress about what’s gonna happen in the future and don’t worry about the past. Just be in the moment.
I really like that because it’s true. One day all of these moments will be memories. You kind of just soak it in. Sometimes that’s hard but I try — for the most part — to do that. All of the things you’re worrying about will be okay or somehow work [themselves] out.
Another one I mentioned before — you don’t have to always please everyone or always have to say ‘yes’. And learn how to say ‘no’. You don’t always have to please people. I always want to make others feel good and I always feel obliged to do that sometimes. But it takes a toll on you if you do it too much.
You have to be happy for yourself. And it’s not a selfish thing either. You have to take care of yourself in order to help others. That’s one of the big things I learned, which is huge because I’m a people-pleaser.
Francesca: How did you end up learning this lesson?
Victoria: I don’t know. Just through time or looking back at situations. I have a lot of time when I’m [life]guarding to just sit there and think — you know? I guess it’s hard to explain. You just learn these things as time goes on — even though that sounds cliche, it’s true.
As I’ve gotten older, I think it’s something that I’ve realized. I wouldn’t call it a epiphany, but it’s just self…learning. Does that make sense? I guess certain experiences and situations just make you look back and think, oh I am like this or I should be less than that.
I definitely think I’ve learned a lot in my twenty-two years of existence, but I feel like there’s a lot more to learn too. So I’m always constantly learning new things and having new experiences.
Francesca: You’re going to turn twenty-three next January. That’s big. What’s one thing you want to do before you turn twenty-three?
Victoria: Go…on a date! A real date.
Francesca: Will you be initiating said date?
Victoria: Okay! If you’re gonna go that way — sure, I’ll initiate. It’d be great if he can initiate too. As long as it’s a mutual like, okay we’re into each other.
Francesca: What sounds like the perfect date to you?
Victoria: It’s just been so long since I’ve been on a date I don’t even know man. [Laughs] I have two versions of a good date I guess. I’ll tell you version A and version B. Both would be great.
Okay, so version A would be really chill, super chill date. Go to the gym. After, go get some protein shakes. You know…chill date. There’s nothing too fancy. I’m more of a laid back — I like that. Okay, so that’s version A.
Version B is a little bit more fancy, but not too fancy. It’d be a nice dinner or movie even. Afterwards, take a stroll or something. Just very simple. Nothing too complex. But as long as we’re comfortable with each other, I feel like that’s just a great date in general. [It] can’t be forced or awkward, cause’ then no matter what we’re doing, it’s not a good date. As long as we’re comfortable with each other. Sense of humor is nice. That’s a plus. I love to laugh.
If he likes to eat as much as I do — done deal. [Laughs]
Francesca: Alright you heard it here first! Vicky would like to find a date and you need to help her. Qualifications: sense of humor and likes to eat. A-K-A me. [Laughs]
Victoria: Yes!
This article is one of many upcoming conversations featuring the people who have influenced my life the most, in their own words.
Read another interview!
Read “The Jerry Effect,” an interview with my friend Jerry, on growing up in Germantown in Quincy, Massachusetts, his budding interest in animal sciences, and why he’d describe his age as “14 with a hint of 30.”
