Caroline Farmer tells her Cole Valley story

Topics include verbal abuse, divorce, betrayed trust, and why praying isn’t enough

I published a blog post reflecting on my Cole Valley experience and why I have such negative feelings about it. Since then, a support group has started, there’s a dedicated website, a joint statement has been published, and we delivered it to Cole Valley in an unofficial meeting. We’re trying to discuss our ideas with the administration (example, example), but they’re ignoring us.

Caroline was a past student (Class of 2008), and she wanted to tell her story for the benefit of anyone that wants to listen.

This is the uncut conversation. Below are hyperlinks to highlights if you don’t want to watch it in full.

• Context of the Cole Valley Speaks movement (0:00)
• Caroline’s reactions to this movement (5:05)
• Caroline’s heard some people claim Cole Valley Speaks stories aren’t true (6:45)
• Caroline went to Cole Valley in 8th grade after her family moved to Idaho from Nevada. Cole Valley was much more welcoming than their previous Christian school. (12:20)
• Caroline’s parents were going through a nasty divorce, their home life was chaotic, and she and her sister were being verbally and psychologically abused (21:55)
• Things got so bad that Caroline was considering suicide (26:33)
• When Caroline opened up to the school counselor and asked for help, they shared everything with the principals, and Caroline learned she couldn’t trust anyone at the school (29:20)
• Caroline felt like she was being punished for her dad’s actions. They didn’t care about her. She felt betrayed. (35:15)
• Praying isn’t enough. With prayer should come effort. Sometimes “let me pray for you” feels like telling people to piss off, or it’s like putting a bandaid on a gaping wound when you’re losing lots of blood. (41:00)
• There were undercurrents of sexism and bullying at Cole Valley (49:32)
• Caroline’s message to Cole Valley administration — don’t be Pharisees (51:35)
• Caroline’s message to current students — it’s not your fault (55:16)