Kelsey Crow tells her Cole Valley story

Topics include anxiety and depression, ADHD, verbal abuse, conviction of the Holy Spirit, and whether Cole Valley can really change

I published a blog post recently reflecting on my Cole Valley experience and why I have such negative feelings about it. Since then, a support group has started, there’s a dedicated website, a joint statement has been published, and we delivered it to Cole Valley in our first meeting. We’ve visited Cole Valley twice (1st and 2nd), and they just acknowledged us for the first time in a dismissive email to all Cole Valley families.

Kelsey was a past student, and she graduated in 2011 (she’s my sister too!). She wanted to tell her story for the benefit of anyone that wants to listen.

This is the uncut conversation. Below are hyperlinks to highlights if you don’t want to watch it in full.

• Context of the Cole Valley Speaks movement (0:00)
• Kelsey’s reactions to this movement (4:43)
• What it was like to get chewed out by an administrator when we were at the school for a peaceful demonstration (9:11)
• Kelsey’s mom died when she was in 2nd grade. Everyone said she was fine. She wasn’t. She death with undiagnosed anxiety and depression for the next 15 years. (13:56)
• Kelsey felt verbally abused and traumatized by her 3rd grade teacher when she was slower than the rest of the kids (she had ADHD). Apparently she was trying to do her a favor by “treating her like the rest of the kids.” (18:55)
• Perhaps society and the medical community weren’t sufficiently aware of Kelsey’s conditions at the time. How Cole Valley should deal with this now. (27:21)
• It took Kelsey until her mid 20s to reverse some of the harmful messages about sexuality she’d been taught at Cole Valley (30:40)
• What’s so harmful about the idea of “the Holy Spirit will convict you” when you sin. “That thinking fueled my OCD.” (33:12)
• Christianity teaches that people are inherently bad. Kelsey doesn’t think that anymore. (35:12)
• A Cole Valley administrator equated the way the school runs to God’s will (38:57)
• Kelsey was a straight A student. Minutes before an important test determining her “math track,” a classmate had a seizure and was carted off in an ambulance. Kelsey couldn’t complete the test because of shock. She was put in the lower track because of that test. (42:49)
• When Kelsey was being mistreated by a high school math teacher, the administration told her to work it out with them on her own (46:20)
• Kelsey was shocked by some stories in the support group. At school the narrative was that some girls were sluts. When they told their stories, it was sexual assault. #VictimBlaming (50:10)
• The first person Kelsey connected with outside “the bubble” was her best friend in college. She was shocked that an agnostic could be such an amazing person. (52:10)
• If Cole Valley thinks Jesus is all anyone needs, would better professional training for staff really help? (55:00)
• Kelsey’s message to prospective parents — don’t send your kids there. It’s not safe for the majority of kids. (1:03:05)
• Kelsey’s message to current students — “If you feel like you’re a failure at Cole Valley, that does not mean you’re a failure. It means Cole Valley’s failing you. Look elsewhere. You’re valuable.” (1:05:00)