On the Importance of Grieving
Loss and grief as a journey, a being and an act for life.
“Grandma how do you deal with pain?” She answers, “With your hands, dear. When you do it with your mind, the pain hardens even more.”
“With your hands, grandma?”
“Yes, yes. Our hands are the antennas of our soul. When you move them by sewing, cooking, painting, touching the earth or sinking it into the earth, they send signals of caring to the deepest part of you and your soul calms down.” ~ Elena Barnabé from (source)
In these times of crisis, a lot gets shaken up and called into question. Maybe we have encountered loss or feel a sense of being lost ourselves. What once was certain became uncertain and even unknown. We may feel overwhelmed, confused or even ripped apart. Unsettledness and uncertainty can cause stress and anxiety or provoke a struggle for survival.
Loss has many layers, flavors and shapes. Loss seems to touch each of us directly or indirectly and is omnipresent. We may have experienced the loss of a loved one, economic stability, a home or the loss of a surrounding environment.
However we may experience our unique realities, with their smaller or larger trembles, visible or invisible to the outside world, the experience is relevant to be acknowledged and witnessed. While the process of grieving may look different for each of us, there are certain patterns that we can name to better navigate through the most tender or difficult inner landscapes. This blog invites us to acknowledge grief from four perspectives: as a journey, as a being, as an act for life and as a community process.
Grief as a journey
Grieving can be seen as a journey and a deep dive into an intimate experience, though often it can feel like an unwanted adventure. It is a personal process that manifests very differently in each one of us, taking us through different phases, forms, and rhythms. It can show up harshly like a winter storm in our face, or it may creep into our lives like a soft and subliminal sensation. Our experience might change from one moment to the next, revealing new aspects and surprising us with unexpected turns. It is important to allow these stages to unfold, and to create enough room to fully grieve with our bodies and our emotions, as well as our thoughts.
We may grieve multiple things at the same time. We may process loss that is not only personal but also of the collective. We are invited to make space for all that is moving. Can we dare to allow it to stream through us, move us and shake us? Can we witness and acknowledge it for what it is, and when we are ready, forgive and gently move on.
Grief as a being
What if grief was a being? How could we better relate to it? What does it ask of us?
Grief does not hold judgement. It’s not against life, a person or a community. When it shows up, it can be seen as a sign that something has come to an end that needs to be met and witnessed. To meet something is to create space for care and acknowledgement of what was lost and is no longer. In this way, grief is a form of wanting to show love and honor the value and preciousness of what was and of life itself. Grief can be an ally that helps us to safeguard what we hold dear and sacred in life.
Grief as an act for life
Like cleansing, grieving can be seen as a sacred act of honoring life. A regular practice or ritual can prevent build-up or hardening over time. Grief invites us into a deep valley. It’s an invitation to take time to “clear out our tubes” by creating space to bear witness and be present with what hurts on a physical, emotional, mental and energetic level and to bow to what may have been forgotten, neglected or denied.
The flow of life presents itself in cycles. What we may not have been ready to feel, often returns in another form, giving us a second chance to wash away the pain and establish healthy roots again. When we dare to surrender through the layers, we will find that the ground we are standing on is solid. In the act of honoring and accepting what life presents us, we can take new steps.
Grief as a community process
When daring to face what got lost or feel what once created pain, we need spaces to feel held and seen for what we are living through. It is important to create spaces to grieve together and to offer help while receiving support and being in support to others. When grief feels overwhelming, we can relearn how to be with each other in spaces where we allow ourselves to be moved, cry, scream and be silent. Witnessing each other helps us to see how our realities are interconnected and that there is a common ground underneath all our unique experiences. We expand our ability to be compassionate and present unconditionally for each other.
Co-Authors
The content of this article was sourced using a method known as Systemic constellations. The story was then co-authored and edited by Luea Ritter and Nancy Zamierowski. You can find their bios here.
