The art of creating spaces that connect

How to host spaces — online and in person — that are meaningful, nurturing and supportive.

photo by Andrew Bui, Unsplash

With the shift from in-person to online interactions, as hosts, facilitators and coaches we are called to create artfully-woven intimate spaces to hold and process intense feelings and thoughts that are emerging on an individual and collective level.

This blog highlights how to create trust-filled, brave and authentic spaces for online gatherings, retreats and meetings. We focus on creating spaces that invite honesty, vulnerability and the whole self to be present in order to create a deeper sense of connection. To do this, we also focus on the inner conditions for meaningful convenings. These elements are not limited to online interactions but become even more essential when connecting online.

As unique instruments in a larger symphony, it is important to sharpen our inner knowing of what is mine to play, and when. Specifically, we explore questions such as:

• How do we create meaningful spaces that are nurturing, enlivening and supportive for individuals and the collective?
• How do we balance personal and collective care?
• How do we move from moments of insecurity, when not knowing all the details, to a steady and calm grounded presence, and readiness to deal with what arises and ability to offer what is needed at any given moment?
• In times of intensity or overwhelm, how do I gauge my own readiness to host a circle and when is it best to slightly step back?

Context and background

The content that is shared here builds upon shared approaches such as Art of Hosting, Circle Practice and Earth-based wisdom.

These approaches are rooted in a world view of interconnectedness and interbeing, or the belief that there is more that connects and informs us than what is tangible and visible. In other words, the ‘space between’ is filled with a multitude of connections and relationships.

From a worldview of interconnectivity, it feels as important to pay attention to how we show up and respond in order to create aligned plans and strategies that incorporate the short and long-term realities of the complex time we live in. This way of seeing the connections that are everywhere underscores the importance and art of creating spaces.

Photo by Avi Richards, Unsplash

Finding your rhythm: before, during and after a call

We call attention to three phases of hosting to establish one’s flow and rhythm:

• Before: preparations and preconditions
• During: hosting and closing
• After: reflection and next steps

1. Before: preparations and preconditions

The process starts much earlier than the moment a session starts, and on many different levels — practically, organizationally and also energetically. You open a new space as if you are creating a new environment and warming it up with your attention and care, making it welcoming.

Preparations may begin with an impulse or invitation. The impulse can be further shaped and clarified by creating a calling question, or a clear invitation around a topic that helps to focus attention, intention and energy around the defined “territory” to be explored.

While answers, statements and opinions tend to bring us to closure and indicate having reached a certain place or position, questions open up the space to exploration and create the sense of participation that is vital for meaningful conversations and fruitful collaboration.

Questions that are short and constructively phrased are the most generative. For example, “How can we use our potential to activate x?” or “What is inspiring and motivating us right right now — individually and as a group?” When the intention is framed clearly, it often supports more potent and deeper conversation.

There is a difference between the intention and the objective or results you hope to achieve. With intention, we can welcome diverse voices and different perspectives that help us to come to a place of shared exploration and understanding together. It also helps to clarify expectations so people can better show up with their unique gifts and contribute to a larger whole.

From experience, once the calling question is set, we notice it starts “to brew” in the facilitator(s) days in advance, contributing to a personal and lived experience around the intention before the call. We can then host from a more embodied place of knowing versus a conceptual or intellectual one.

“The success of an intervention depends on the interior condition of the intervenor.” ~ Bill O Brien

Things to be mindful of before hosting:

• A precondition to this work is to try to host in pairs or teams when possible. Having another person who can also notice different perspectives and hold points of reference helps you to stay oriented as you are navigating in and with complexity. Co-hosting is not a luxury but a minimum requirement.
• Be honest about the limits or boundaries of what you can host as a team. What kind of depths can you be in and with, and where may you need support from someone who brings subject matter expertise, or other lived experiences?

2. During: hosting and closing

First, it’s important for guests to feel they have arrived. “Checking in” is a practice that ensures that everyone feels present, seen and has landed in the shared space. It can be short or longer depending on the need and context. It can be led by questions such as “What’s your name and what is present with you?” or “What brings you here?”

Next it’s important to provide context by sharing the intention and topics, how the call will flow, and the timing of the gathering or online call to help people orient together.

Each gathering may be a little different depending on who is hosting, who is participating and their familiarity with the subject. For example, a team that has worked together for years and is used to a certain way of being together may require a different set of conditions than a group that has never met before.

Things to be mindful of during a call:

• Practice embodiment: A form of coming into contact with our bodies, like a few deep breaths or finding a comfortable position may be an important resource as intensity arises. Greater embodiment supports a sense of grounding, presence, and orientation even as emotions are stirred up.
• Co-learn and co-holding: As facilitators, hosts and coaches we are always in a co-learning with everyone participating and active listeners co-holding the space.
• Invite silence. Having moments of silence allows us to integrate what happened and creates room to breath as a group. Silence has the power to create beauty. Silence can be a pause between people speaking, the breath between our sharing or an invited silence. You may want to introduce a bell or gong, or just a simple sentence like “Let’s just all take a breath.”
• Witness what is. Witnessing is an important capacity that both the facilitator(s) and the participants can bring to a circle. To be present and stay with what is happening, rather than avoiding or making something bigger, can offer a sense of calm, groundedness and safety.
• Listen from different levels. How are we listening? Are we listening with attention to the story with our analytical or mental ears, or are we listening to how we are feeling with our “heart ears” or with our “gut ears”? Are we attuned and listening with our whole body? As a hosting team, make the explicit invitation to track not only what is said but also what is experienced when listening. Observe. What enlivens or drains? Do I listen with attention? What can I pick up with my felt sense and what energy is moving? Can I see that the way I listen can become a gift to the other?
• Stay flexible, while keeping sight of the larger intention. To move with “what is” while not losing sight of the bigger intention requires agility and playfulness with the original plan. Navigating this balance can feel like being out at sea at night, where you can’t see far and only have the stars as reference points to steer the boat to the final destination.

Closing a call

With each opening, there should be a closing. How we consciously close cycles, projects and a call so that they come to a place of fruition and a sense of feeling rounded off (for now) is critical. Whether it is a one-time call or a repeated event, you want to ensure that each coming together has a gentle close.

A closing can be moment or short process to:

• Acknowledge what has happened
• Take time to reflect
• Harvest the new emerged insights, questions, ideas and next actions
• Make sense together and distillate learning
• Prepare for the next iteration(s)

This is important for the host(ing team) as well as everyone who participates. For example, a closing round could be led with a question such as “What do I take with me?” While closing one cycle, be aware of the next to come. Sharing or jointly creating what’s next helps to orient the group or set the course together.

3. After: reflection, harvest and next steps

There is also another level of closing that happens after a meeting or call. As a host(ing team), take time to debrief, reflect and make the learning explicit after the call to make sense of what happened and learn together. Taking the time to celebrate wins and to clarify and discern what to keep, what to let go of and what to refine is important before next actions are run. This helps you to learn and evolve forward from one to the next and set the course with the team together.

Author and Editor

Much of the content of this article was sourced and pulled together by Luea Ritter for an online call for practitioners, “Where is Mine to Shine and Where are my Resources.” The story was then co-shaped and edited by Nancy Zamierowski. You can find their bios here.

A big thanks to many of you for your questions and comments that sparked the call and writing. We’d welcome feedback or further questions.