The Tale of Sir Bedevere
Big Data the Holy Grail
In Monty Python and the Holy Grail, King Arthur is accompanied from the start by his wise and noble adviser, Sir Bedevere. Among the Knights of the Round Table, Bedevere is the analyst.
He is billed a master strategist, logician, academic, and scientist. He is also the perfect analogy for so many Data Scientists I have encountered over the years. I am guessing you have, too.
Bedevere has an amazing array of ‘new learning’.
Sir Bedevere: …and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.
King Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
Unfortunately, there is no accounting for how useful any of his knowledge really is. Throughout our tale, the evidence is not weighted in his favor.
He asks great questions…?
Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she’s a witch?
Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!
Sir Bedevere: A newt?
Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] … I got better.
Well, on second thought, he is more concerned with the process than with the facts or the outcome. In the movie’s witch scene, the peasants/marketing department are clearly more concerned with finding something to burn.
He has ‘Big Ideas’!
Bedevere is the author of the Trojan Rabbit strategy. Unfortunately for our would be hero, he and the others actually forgot to get in the rabbit.
Sir Bedevere: Well, now, uh, Lancelot, Galahad, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise — not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
Over the last two decades, I have witnessed the creation of dozens of Trojan Rabbits. I have seen warehouse build outs where the data could not be delivered, product launches that took months of development but delivered only a handful of users, and a prospect database built under the wrong corporate entity… so it couldn’t be used.
Bedevere is the master of experimental design.
Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.
Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
Peasant 1: Burn them.
Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?
Peasant 1: More witches.
Peasant 2: Wood.
Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?
Peasant 3: …because they’re made of… wood?
Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.
Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Peasant 1: Oh yeah.
Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?
Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!… It floats! Throw her into the pond!
Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?
Peasant 1: Bread.
Peasant 2: Apples.
Peasant 3: Very small rocks.
Peasant 1: Cider.
Peasant 2: Gravy.
Peasant 3: Cherries.
Peasant 1: Mud.
Peasant 2: Churches.
Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck.
Sir Bedevere: …Exactly. So, logically…
Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck… she’s made of wood.
Sir Bedevere: And therefore…
Peasant 2: …A witch!
Unfortunately, he fails to notice the error in his measurement strategy. As such, The Tale of Sir Bedevere is a common one among Big Data analysts.
