If you feel like you’re sinking, read this

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Photo by Taylor Young on Unsplash

Thanks to COVID, virtually everyone has a psychological complication. The more the pandemic persists, the more I hear about people being discouraged, tired of not being able to leave their homes, hopeless when facing their future, and/or depressed about the tragedies that this situation has brought upon them. Both psychologists and mental health assistance platforms have noticed substantial growth during this stage.

Regardless of how affected you might feel during this stage in the history of humanity, you probably share (at least partially) this feeling of anxiety, depression, mood deficiency, etc. And it is completely normal, given all the very interesting challenges this pandemic has provided.

What I want to discuss in this post is a mindset that can help us conquer this situation. I propose this after months of feeling downhill, and weeks of noticing progress. This digest of insights will strengthen your resilience and I’m hoping will help you get where you want to be as efficiently as possible.

How I began to fall

See, when the pandemic began in my country, for me, someone who is used to resorting to technology for everyday things (like many others from my generation), the struggle was more than anything not being able to see my friends and my girlfriend for an uncertain time. Although annoying, it was not critical. With so much work at hand, I was even somewhat pleased with making the most out of my day by not having to deal with rush hour traffic, being able to get up straight to work, reducing non-productive interactions in the office, among other things that I now miss and realize contributed to my mental health.

However, after 4 months of drastic changes in my everyday life, and even considering myself privileged during these strange times, today I can say without hesitation that this year I have experienced my worst psychological state in my entire short life. Doing a little introspection, I see this caught me by surprise due to the signs that I couldn’t see at the time and that led me, in a “slow and steady” fashion, to this burnout.

An analogy that can help you

A few months ago, a friend of mine had a panic attack. She had just returned to Mexico, interrupting her studies abroad because of COVID. When she came back, she sought help and the attacks had stopped. “It was going so well, I thought I had improved …”, she said, hyperventilating while losing faith in her progress. “You are doing very well, you cannot expect to overcome a half-year-long problem overnight. The important thing is that you’ve been improving and with time this will pass…”, I said. It seemed to help, because I also shared with her an example of my chronic insomnia, which made her see that she is not alone in these situations.

Yesterday, when I decided to write this blog, I was thinking about how I could illustrate what happened and what is happening to me. I am not a psychologist, but piggy backing on a “fake it till you become it” mindset, and simplifying our neuro-psychological functioning, I thought of this analogy:

Imagine that our mental health is this sphere set on a ramp. As we move the inclination of the ramp, the sphere will yield to gravity, accelerating as we let it follow the same path. Now let’s think about the supports that tilt this ramp. If we put supports of the same height on both sides of the ramp, it will not have an inclination and the sphere will not move, but as we create asymmetry between the initial and the final supports of the ramp, we can make the sphere roll in either direction.

So, observing the simplified scale ranging from “vicious cycle” (where we feel that we are getting worse, according to our own parameters) to “virtuous cycle” (where we improve), what we all want is to generate situations and constructive habits that tilt the ramp and roll the mental health sphere to the right side. Therefore, we have two trends with this analogy: mental vice trend and mental growth trend.

And why would this help me?

“The man who moves mountains begins by carrying the smallest stones”

- Confucius

Contemplating this analogy, it is crystal clear to me what happened: without realizing it, COVID-19 (and other problems running parallel) added height on the right supports, slightly tilting the ramp and deteriorating my mental health without me noticing.

Notice how what matters most in the long term is the trend (yellow arrow). As a good millennial, once I understood that I was at the bottom of the pit that I dug, I wanted to climb out with a few Google searches, frequent crying sessions, melatonin pills, three-or-so mediocre meditation sessions, and lots of venting. Basically, I wanted (like many others) to do this:

It doesn’t matter if you got there gradually like me, or suddenly, like many others. The reality is that it is quite intimidating to realize that you are in a vicious cycle. Especially when you didn’t see it coming on time, and even more so when you decide to do something about it and you do not achieve that quantum jump you expected. “What’s wrong with me?”, “I’m not like this”, “why did I do/say that?”, “Usually, I…”. It isscary. And by the way, it doesn’t matter if you think this fear is justified or not. You have the right to feel how you feel. However, just as it took days, weeks, months for COVID to shift the scales… we too have to take our time with actions that “slow and steady” will lead us to feel better.

If we want to move our mental sphere towards the virtuous cycle, we have to look out for two types of efforts:

1. High frequency, moderate impact

Look for things that you can do daily and increase your energy. Start with the easiest for you on the list. We can see this as things that could be everyday parts of our “pre-covid” lives, or adaptations to the rules of the game set by the virus. Although it will be different for everyone, here are some examples that I can think of in this category:

• Good habits: we already know what they are. Sleep/get up early, do eat breakfast, get the work done early in the day (take stress off the day), eat healthy, the list goes on and on.
• Exercise: I know, it is not what many of us want to hear when we are down. Sorry.
• Reading: anything that feeds our brains healthy food. Also, identify the effect of the news on you. Again, we have to be cautious of what we feed our brain today. If watching news works for you, excellent. If you just find them unsettling, better find a some constructive mental food.
• Writing: It doesn’t have to be a blog or a book, but writing therapy has worked wonders for me. Start a journal, or just write when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Although it’s not a must, some structure will make this more effective.
• Meditation: personally, I have reviewed Headspace and Juan Lucas, but there are thousands of resources out there.
• Work outdoors: If you have a chance to get sunlight, vitamin D can help. Wear sunscreen.
• Psychological therapy: it is something very positive (with or without strong mental problems), and I’ve found the taboo of therapy is slowly dissipating. But it is worth saying that virtual sessions can help save the shame some may feel when seeking help. There are relatively inexpensive solutions to this. And it has helped me a lot.
• Reach out to your network: Talk to people you have lost contact with. Reach out to as many friends as you can, and make new ones. Tell them about your situation, and listen to theirs. You will see that you are not alone. If it is of any help, I am available to talk.
• Be grateful: look around you and search for what you can be grateful for. It has been proven that, just like serving others, being thankful is correlated with happiness. It will help you receive whatever comes with a positive mindset.
• Learn “something”: anything. Many of us feel good when we feel that we are improving or have a purpose. While this will serve as occupational therapy, it will also help give a little more meaning to the situation.

There are many other examples like these. Start with the ones you find easiest to do. The important thing is to have consistency in this type of effort. I’m not saying you should repeat the same thing every day, but do constantly try something on your list. Remember, we need to add support to our ramp, not slam it once so that the ball jumps forward and then back to its original place after a few days.

2.Low Frequency, High Impact

By this I mean more special things that can give us a big boost of energy.

• Vacationing at home
• Some special family dinner
• Shopping to pamper yourself
• Massive video call sessions
• Attend a virtual concert
• A day without screens

Again, the fact that they are high-impact things does not mean that they will make us feel our best all of a sudden, but they will bring something memorable to our days, making them different from the others. Plus, it will help you have something to look forward to, and it will mix the conversations a little. Life doesn’t just stop, it’s a matter of creativity!

Conclusion

Personally, it took me over a month of engaging in some of these efforts to notice improvement.

Regardless of what you decide to do, accept yourself and forgive yourself: we are all going through something. Give yourself a chance to feel whatever you are feeling, and to lack where you feel you do. It is and you are normal and, at the same time, very special.

Personally, it took me over a month of engaging in some of these efforts to notice improvement. And I still have terrible days. However, believing and seeing that I am improving is what gives me peace. I expect to have only rainbow days from now on. This is not the case even in a state of virtuous cycle. But I do know that I will be better because I know that my mental sphere is going in the right direction thanks to perseverance.

Although the journey may take a while, the results are quickly noticeable when you’re open to them. The changes I’ve noticed range from improved sleep and reduced stomach aches, to feeling happy and hopeful even when facing previously wrecking situations. It may not be much, but it’s precisely these type of subtle improvements (regardless of how insignificant they may seem) that build the foundations to regain control of our mental health.

So, to recap:

1. Ask yourself which trend you are endorsing with your daily decisions. Where are you adding supports to the ramp? Try to catch the trend in its early stage!
2. Get into the mindset: it will not happen overnight. But, if you want to move that mountain, start with what you can do. If we know that this, like everything, will pass, it would be better to make the effort to enjoy the journey.
3. Choose something from the list that you like, and do it: the solution is to do something about it, regardless of how simple it may be. Don’t freeze. I know that it is intimidating to see the size of the problem, but the solution will be the same. Action will generate progress, progress will bring security, and security, more action. Move to the virtuous cycle!
4. If at any point you feel overwhelmed even after making changes, just remember that you are on the right path towards neutrality and the virtuous cycle. It IS working, you ARE going to make it, and you ARE doing it well.

Love,

Santiago.