Dear Tim,

Dear Tim,

Oh, Tim! My mystical muse, my sweet serenity! It comes with great pleasure that I recant such a tale of woe and drear. You see, my love, I…

Oh Tim, such torpor plagues my winter months! How I yearn for the days of yesteryear, when our ancestors had to search through dying fields…

Top of the morning to you Tim and of all your mornings forever more!

Oh most favorable of God’s children, Tim,

My dearest Tim,

Dearest Tim,

Dear Tim, my youthful friend and loyal companion,

Timothy, my long lost Timothy. Fret not, for I have returned for another tale.

Dear Tim, inspiration to the free men of earth!

Oh Tim! Terse, taciturn Tim–my laconic Lancelot.

O Tim, my dearest friend and confidant,

Oh my dear Tim,

Oh, how I envy thee, Tim, spitting picture of human health, my vigorous Vitruvian man!

Timothy,

Dear Tim,

Dear Tim,

Oh Tim! Full of life and wonder!

Dear Tim,

Hark Tim and lo, my story of loss and woe!

**Oh, sweet coils of the rectum’s repose, how they slander and speak ills of you, guffawing at your fetid being, as if they could not know…

Dear Tim,

Dear Tim,

Oh Tim, Oh Dearest Tim,