NEWSLETTER

Dishonourable Unmentionables Is Closed for Submissions

Thanks for everything

Photo by Morning Brew on Unsplash

Dear Unmentionables,

Dishonourable Unmentionables is closed for submissions.

I’ve loved working with all who have submitted work over the past four months. I’ve learned a lot. But the reading stats have been down in the last few weeks. I can only conclude that Medium hasn’t been rolling out the red carpet for pieces published in DU. It must have been something I said.

Real talk: Medium is a great platform, but its curation of humor pieces is conservative, to say the least. It’s a murky process, but the head honchos seem to have delegated a lot of the decision-making about humor to trusted editors, like Alex and Sarah at Slackjaw. In Slackjaw, I can publish a piece with an F-bomb in the title, be curated instantly, and get hundreds of views and fans. If I publish a piece of the same quality with an F-bomb in Dishonourable Unmentionables? Ten views, max.

I’m not about to pull a Rolli and start shouting about the platform’s more nefarious practices. I’m here to write, publish, and develop, and I’m grateful for the friends I’ve found here. But I can’t continue to publish other writers with a clear conscience when I know they’ll get more readers at The Haven, MuddyUm, or even self-publishing.

I’ll continue to self-publish here and keep an eye on the stats, so please keep reading. If DU ever gets over this hump, I’ll reopen the publication for you and yours.

So, for the last time for the foreseeable, let’s celebrate the pieces we’ve published in the past week.

New this week

Have you ever seen the classic Brit-flick Withnail & I? If not, stop reading immediately and watch it. Then come back and clap this nifty little piece by Sarah Totton, her first for DU. Sarah, it was great while it lasted!

Withnail & I & the Universal Laws

The indomitable Viggy Hampton, MPH is back with a fun parody of reality television. Viggy is officially our most-curated writer — the humor gods selected three of her DU stories for distribution. Congrats, Viggy!

Married At First Sight: Picher, Oklahoma

And then there was me. I published two new pieces to see how they would perform in comparison with my recent publications in The Haven and MuddyUm. The answer? Not well.

My Concerns Regarding the Upcoming Lads’ Holiday

What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting in Your Thirties

In closing, let’s celebrate the good times.

Dishonourable Unmentionables in stats

Writers published: 34
Pieces published: 71
Number of followers: 248
Number of Ebooks: 1
Number of T-shirts: 2

Shameful self-promotion

This week I’ve been publishing one humor piece per day. Next week I return to teaching full classes at school, and should I contract COVID-19 AND DIE everything I publish this week will form part of my legacy. Here are the pieces I submitted to The Haven, MuddyUm, and Sex and Satire.

The final one is a parody of Cardi B’s ‘WAP (Wet-Ass Pussy)’. It’s exactly the sort of piece that gets you put in curation jail.

I Wish You Could Be More Mindful, Like Me

I’m the Shoe You Remove on Entering the House

‘DAP’, by Hardi P and Neggin Pee-Stallion

Thanks again, especially to regular contributors Robert Criss Daniel Nest dan brotzel Lindsay Brown Viggy Hampton, MPH Executive Assistant Shay Michael.

That’s all from me.

Cheers,

Peter