MAD!
Today, Jeffrey Boils Is Mostly Angry With…
Aren’t We All?
Today, Jeffrey Boils is mostly angry with:
The number of eyelets in his brogues, the length of his own shoelaces, and their capacity to undo themselves precisely eight minutes into his walk to work;
The pending update on his laptop that says it will be for his convenience
When nothing computer-related is ever for his convenience;
And the half hour wait that might force him to acknowledge Martin from the next door office
When he can’t face another conversation about Chelsea this year.
Or any year.
Today, Jeffrey Boils is mostly angry with:
The red dot appearing on his email tab when there is no new email (there is a special circle of hell for the people responsible for notifications. At least there is in Jeffrey’s world);
The quality of the bread in his Tesco meal deal cheese ploughman's;
The drizzle over lunchtime that meant he had shelter at the bus stop for fifteen minutes,
Which was still better than risking a conversation with Martin in the kitchen;
Every single one of the emails he has received that he didn’t need to receive because he was copied in, say, or because they were just acknowledgements, say, or because he wasn’t interested in them, say.
So that was all of them, then.
And, of course, the number of eyelets in his brogues, the length of his own shoelaces, and their capacity of undo themselves precisely eight minutes into his walk home.
In the torrential rain.
And after having to wait half an hour for his laptop to update.
Whilst Martin decided to fill him in on the progress of Chelsea F.C. since 19-fucking-63.
And why, we ask, because he won’t, is Jeffrey Boils so angry with all these things today and every day?
Why the focus on the brogues and the laces and the sandwiches and on the need to avoid punching Martin right in his doughy mush?
Because Jeffrey Boils needs to keep up his anger on these things,
So he gets nowhere near the anger he knows he might otherwise feel
About so much else.
But, then, you knew that, didn’t you?
For more of the same, see https://medium.com/doctor-funny/yes-weve-seen-the-email-105e707b865f and https://medium.com/doctor-funny/what-we-dont-teach-604396c6a611. Mike can be found, being very angry with too many things, on Twitter at @MikeHicWriter
