Chilli’s Guide to Scary Monsters. Part 1: Feathers

Always approach feathers with extreme caution

Photo Credit: Sandi Parsons

Birdies are terribly dangerous. We’ve got the dirty rotten swoopers near where I live, and you can be just strolling along minding your own business when BAM! out of nowhere, a swooper will fly at you.

What do the dirty rotten swoopers think I’m going to do as I stroll down the street? Climb their tree and eat their babies? Don’t they know I’m scared of heights?

And trust me, this is no gentle little flyby. No. The swoopers head towards you, and they are coming in hot. Beak first. My people call them magpies, but I think dirty rotten swoopers is a better description.

So yeah, I thought birdies were scary, but then I found out about their feathers.

I was strolling one day, and there was a birdie sitting there on the footpath. Now footpaths are for dogs and people NOT for birdies. They have the whole flying thing going on, so the least they can do is leave my footpath alone.

I pounced and snapped, and the birdie flew off, but a feather dropped straight into my mouth.

I spat. The feather was still there.

I coughed. The feather was still there.

That feather was stuck like super glue.

I chewed and spat, and coughed. I thought I was going to choke! Eventually, the mangled-up feather popped out of my mouth.

That’s when I realized feathers are defense mechanisms. They have some sort of magic sticking power.

Now I’m extremely cautious, and I approach feathers carefully. I’m not sure if other doggies know the truth about birdie feathers, so I always make sure I chew them up so no other dog can choke on them.

You can’t go picking them up willy-nilly. Because there’s a tiny bit of birdie magic left in the feathers, and sometimes they can still fly.

You’ve got to hunt feathers the right way.

Photo Credit: Sandi Parsons

If you want to join me and make the world safe from feathers, here’s what you need to do when you spot a feather.

1. Crouch down low.
2. Don’t bark or make a noise. That can trigger the feather’s flight system. Then they float away from you—tricky little suckers.
3. Sneak up carefully and then pounce.
4. When you get the feather trapped under your paw, bite it hard.
5. Bite it until there is no birdie magic left. Then chew it up. That will show those birdies whose boss.

Things to remember. If you encounter a feather that is chock-full of birdie magic, it’s going to try to get away from you. Don’t let that naughty feather blow away. Pounce, then pounce some more on that sucker. Keep going until it stops this flying nonsense.

And whatever you do, don’t sniff the feather too hard. I did that once, and it sucked up my nose. You won’t believe how hard I sneezed.

I hope you join me in keeping the world safe from ultra scary feathers.

Chilli 🐾🐾

Photo Credit: Sandi Parsons

Chilli, a renovation consultant, is a three-year-old Red Heeler (also known as an Australian Cattle Dog). She lives with her two favorite people and her brother Rotto, a Staffy/Kelpie Cross.

Chilli Parsons, Renovation Consultant