More than one right answer

Is life the same as arithmetic?

We’ve all taken arithmetic classes and we know that each problem has exactly one answer. Otherwise, the fundamentals of mathematics will be shaken. But is life the same as arithmetic? If it were, then everyone of life’s problems will have just one answer.

Imagine! If every problem that you face and that I do has the same solution, then mathematically speaking, perspectives you’ve and mine have to match. And that’s true for all human beings in the entire world. This derivation leads us to the inference that all human beings are the same. Yes, that’s true in a philosophical sense!

What about in the physiological sense? Are we the same — our looks, our feelings, our interpretations, our reactions…? That would be a very different world wherein we are clones walking around. Then we should’ve some central system controlling all of us.

Okay, I took my imagination too far. But the point is that we’re unique individuals with different ways of approaching the problems. When we accept that fact, diversity in thinking becomes our power. When we deny that, we clash endlessly.

In a family, there are rules — house rules that form the foundation for that household. Of course, no one should be breaking those laws of the house. But within the structure, there can be multiple approaches to doing something. That’s freedom.

When we strong arm our children into following everything that we say, in a sense “making children obey” parents or elders, a lot of side effects happen.

1. The child just wants to escape this control.
2. The child retaliates in other ways which we then dub as behavior problems.
3. The child follows this vicious pattern in their own life.
4. The child learns to think only within the box.
5. The child has gained no problem-solving abilities and those skills are vital for success in life.

We want our children to succeed in their life and we think that by providing all the answers, they will gain that. But they only learn our perspectives and never exercise theirs. Imagine all the repercussions of swimming into the wide ocean without any skills!

Just because their answer is different from ours, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Even if it were, we should walk them through the process of analyzed the flaws rather than shooting it down entirely.

What should we do when we disagree?

1. Determine if the perspective conflicts or deviates from an established house rule. Only in the case of a deviation should the restrictions apply.
2. Develop an open mind for everyone’s perspectives and approaches.
3. Engage in active listening with the objective of understanding the other’s viewpoint.
4. Reduce negativity bias. A view different from ours isn’t automatically wrong.