Seeing and being seen

What empathy looks like

Truly seeing people is a fundamental element of empathy. I define ‘seeing’ as recognizing where a person is (their beliefs, stories, perspectives, etc.) and understanding the why behind their words and actions (even if you disagree with them).

We can say “I see you,” but words alone are often futile. How might we instead show that we see someone?

A few suggestions:

• Ask how the person is doing or how their day is going. Show you care about them as a human being, regardless of their beliefs or perspectives.
• Ask questions (even if you think you know the answer) or paraphrase what they’ve already said to demonstrate you’re listening and want to understand. “What’s your take on ____?” “What I hear you saying is ____. Is that accurate?”
• Give the person time to open up. This might mean a few minutes of small talk or a judgment-free discussion on a semi-related topic.
• Focus on understanding, not agreeing. “I’d like to better understand ____. Can you tell me more?”
• Seek to learn, not label. It’s easy to put a pithy label on someone (or their perspectives). Don’t. Create a safe space by staying curious and refraining from judgment.