Who’s right and who’s wrong?

Rethinking how we approach conflict

Rarely does declaring (or, more likely, arguing over) who’s right and who’s wrong help to resolve conflict or create positive change.

Why?

First, we almost always cite ourselves as right and others as wrong (i.e. the they’re the ones who need to change). This lets us off the hook from engaging in meaningful dialogue or considering how our perspective may need to change.

Second, it pits ‘us’ against ‘them’ and drives both parties farther apart. It fosters a posture of antagonism instead of curiosity and empathy.

Instead of arguing over who’s right and who’s wrong, perhaps a better approach to conflict is to get curious and ask questions.

How has this impacted you personally?
What other stories might there be?
What might the world look like if….?
How might we…?

[Note: This is not about moral relativism, rather the dialogue we have with others who believe or act differently than us. Labeling people as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ is often a way to shift blame and justify our own views without doing the emotional labor of understanding why someone sees the world the way they do.]