Though I’ve rarely, if ever, heard a girl called a “slut” to her face in a malicious manner, I’ve frequently heard the word echoed amongst men behind closed doors, away from the presence of female company. This is just one example of the private behavior that men exhibit amongst themselves that ultimately degrades the ability for women to be truly equal to men in all settings — private behavior which few men would publicly admit to participating in or observing.
I have to admit that the word itself has become a part of my own vocabulary, though I tend to use it directly with my female friends in a playful, ironic manner that reduces the offensiveness of the term to laughter. I’m all about equal-opportunity offensiveness, but I still find myself considering how using such words and participating in the private dialogues about women amongst men affects my ability to stand for gender equality and feminism.
My obsession with the Disney princesses of the 90s dominated my younger years, and the vast majority of my close friends through the end of high school (and most of college) were female, so I feel that I strongly identify with women. However, as I have grown into a mature, young gay man, I have begun to gain more acceptance amongst my straight male peers and have begun to identify with men in more ways than I previously did.
This dichotomy of self puts me in a confounding position where I find myself often providing empathy and support to women in their grievances against men, while befriending men who are committing the same types of grievances against other women.
As I continue to reconcile these two pieces of my identity, I perhaps fall just short of being able to consider myself a true, unadulterated feminist. Still, I can’t deny the joy I get from knowing that America stands to gain its first female president in 2017, nor can I deny the absolute thrill I get from watching Beyoncé trample on stereotypes about women and sexuality while sampling a Ted Talk to define feminism for a generation in the simplest possible terms.
When it comes to women, I know that my heart is in the right place and I look forward to standing next to them as an ally in the fight for future gender equality.
This blog is part of a series about gender inequality. Other essays in this series include:
It’s our hope to launch a conversation that invites more writers to join. Please let us know if you would like to be a contributor — email snowli53@gmail.com.
