How Do We Begin To Talk About Gender Equality?
There was a moment in time when it was clear how men could be advocates for women’s rights. There were laws and policies holding women back from voting, getting the jobs they want, and playing on college sports team. It was easy for men to do the right thing: join women on the picketing line, take down archaic laws, and draft new ones that provide women with equal entitlement.
Nowadays, it is no longer clear what men should do to support women. If we fixed all the policies, then why is there still inequality? The conversation about women’s rights has suddenly shifted from “Here’s how I’m helping” to “Will people think I’m sexist?”
Everyone is afraid that they will say the wrong thing, but we’re past the point where simply giving lip-service to gender equality is enough. How do we push the conversation forward when the guidelines for what to say are becoming less and less clear?
I’m proposing that we start a dialogue.
When I shared drafts of this blog with a male friend, I received some critical feedback about how I had set the bar too high for men to join the conversation. My first defensive reaction was, Well fuck that — this conversation isn’t about them! But the more rational side of me knows that if we aren’t moving forward together then we’re not going anywhere at all. (So I rewrote this blog.)
Dialogue begins with a safe space where both parties can reflect on and express personal biases. Empathy is developed at the cliff of vulnerability, right before we fall into defensiveness. Progress towards equality is achieved when people know that what they say can sound wrong but that what’s at stake is too important to not say anything at all.
So bear with me as I figure out how best to start this dialogue about promoting gender equality.
I want men to come to terms with their biases, to take a step back and refine their perceptions of how their actions affect women. I want to encourage them to be reflective about where they may have perpetuated the problem and arrive at a place where they are earnest about making change.
As a woman, I want men to be honest with me when I’ve raised the bar of conversation to a place where they no longer feel safe to be vulnerable. Push me to build a space where empathy can truly flourish.
If we are to make progress toward gender equality together, we have to first take the deeply personal risk of wrestling with the uncertainty.
This is the first post in a series where men and women begin a dialogue about gender equality. There are a few contributing writers ready to post their reflections. It’s our hope to launch a dialogue that invites more writers to join. Please let us know if you would like to be a contributor.
Essays in this series thus far:
