While 2020 started out oh-so-promising — with those sumptuously curvaceous, even numbers; a fresh decade, a clean slate, a new chance to make all of our dreams come true — sexy isn’t exactly the first word that comes to mind when asked to describe the past twelve months.
Still, in the face of this year’s obvious lack of sex appeal, I’m blessed to be able to look at many tantalizing moments along the way. It’s with immense gratitude that I’ve compiled this list of the gems that illuminated this otherwise gloomy year (in order of appearance).
1. A trip to Paris
Nicknamed the city of love—and of lights—this was the first big highlight. I’ve never been taken on a trip for my birthday, ever, and though my lofty plans to have sex in some outrageous place (like the Louvre) didn’t happen—after realizing that it would surely land us in jail—simply being there was sexy as hell!
2. A bathtub during isolation
Like wine glasses, couches, beds, or any other inanimate object, they’re all about what, or who, you put in them. When lockdown #1 hit and I shacked up with my partner, I got to have an XL-bathtub for the first time in twelve years (!!!) and made the most of it by insisting our lustful asses went in that thing almost daily.
Surrounded by bubbles, candles, and red wine, it provided the perfect warm-up for bouts in the bed. And, whenever my ass was alone, I remembered one of my favorite ways to get off on my own; lying down in the tub and filling it up—with the shower head purposefully aimed—my climax would surge in parallel with the water level. A well of pleasure in 2020!
3. Four boxes of medical needles
Yikes, that doesn’t sound sexy at all, right? I wouldn’t have thought so either—not until I tried.
Kink, creativity, and weirdness were combined in numerous ways, and one of those involved experimenting with needle play after learning the basics at a workshop. This kink, which I used to scoff at, proved to be an incredibly intimate and sensual experience: What Is Needle Play, and How Can ‘That’ Be Sexy?
4. Sex with ‘all of creation’ on shrooms
Art-porn plays on the TV in the background as my lover starts kissing and touching me all over. In an instant, the living room morphs into a kaleidoscopic forest composed of pulsating, multicolored tree roots that move to penetrate and ensnare my entire body. My third eye opens and pours out a stream of rainbowlike liquid that meshes with the ever-growing wooden tentacles.
Some spent quarantine baking sourdough, we spent it (among other things) growing and harvesting a few batches of boomers. The paragraph above is my most accurate rendering of what it felt like to have sex while tripping. Our experimentation started and ended here after we both hit our psychedelic-quota for at least a year to come.
Will 2021 feature the next chapter? Or, should I maybe write this down as my first psychedelic, sci-fi erotica?
5. A newfound love for alt-porn
When you’ve sworn off Netflix and looking for something to do other than eat or have sex (or sleep, work, or have a meltdown) during quarantine, your best option is to watch the best porn you can find.
Luckily, I found alternatives to Porn Hub &co a while ago and kept exploring the wonders that are alternative, artsy, feminist porn. Thus, 2020 was the year when watching adult cinema like a proper film critic became a regular thing. This also works great as foreplay; having sex with porn playing next to you is kinda like social distancing group sex… For a full guide, check out, This Is Where You’ll Find Good Porn.
6. A bag of alginate and casting plaster
Another headline that sounds less alluring than it was, but, I told you things got weird! When my partner had the wacky idea to cast our privates in plaster, I certainly wasn’t going to be one to turn down something that had the potential to be ridiculously silly, super sexy, or a combination of the two.
It was all of that, and more; seeing 3D models of ourselves had the unexpected side effect of adding newfound self-appreciation: How Cloning Our ‘Privates’ Boosted Our Confidence.
7. Stay-at-home kink parties
When all the fun is canceled, you’ve gotta make your own wherever you can! This was our motto when the first lockdown eased. With a handful of deviant friends, we turned Jay’s living room into a mini-dungeon and hosted, not just one, but three separate play parties over the course of a few months.
According to code, what happens at the sex party, stays at the sex party…although, the neighbors might be able to tell you all about them since someone is awfully nonchalant about closing his balcony doors…
What do you think, should I write up a guide on how to plan and host private kink and sex parties?
8. ‘Coming out’ in an interview
Becoming a sex writer and sharing my most intimate stories online has been exciting, yet scary as hell, especially in combination with extensively divulging my experiences with a narcissistic ex.
While I’m protecting myself under a pen name, it’s been equally important for me to give myself permission to be open and expressive in order to shamelessly own my stories. The process has presented plenty of internal conflict but, I’m slowly becoming more daring. This summer, my dear friend and owner of the conscious fashion brand AVMM, nudged me further by asking for an interview and photostory for her online journal. Daring to come out of hiding has been titillating and empowering! Check it out: Who Is Ena Dahl?
9. My girlfriend became our lover
A dear friend and I have been swooning over each other since we first met a few years back; whenever we come together, sparks fly, and we overflow with creative ideas. Somehow, the timing was never quite right—until, suddenly, this summer it was.
After my partner and I decided we wanted to explore group dynamics and add a third (or more…), all three of us clicked—thanks to the above-mentioned parties—and plenty of delicious fun was had!
As I’ve said before, the incessant warnings against mixing sex and friendship need to go. In fact, every great group dynamic I’ve had was with good friends, and sex never ruined anything—rather the contrary. Here’s A Case For Sleeping With Your Friends.
10. Reading my own poetry, naked, on my knees
BDSM and powerplay are about so much more than impact and pain; for me, it’s mostly a mind game. I love a dash of humiliation, not the kind where I’m called mean things, but where I’m put in interesting predicaments and asked to perform tasks that make me feel somewhat uncomfortable.
My lover, demanding I read a poem that I’d dedicated to him while sitting naked in front of him, is engraved in my mind as one of the hottest moments of the year. Of course, this particular poem is so full of alliterations, I couldn't stop stumbling over my words and was made to start over again until I got it just right.
11. Climax on a mountain peak
If you know my writing, you may have picked up on my thing for outside and nature-sex. In August this year, I introduced my lover to my Nordic homeland, and we had a few experiences that should be added to the list of My Four Most Fabulous Sexcapes in Nature.
To top them all was when, on a hike over one of the most breathtaking ridges the home of the giants has to offer, my partner nudged me behind a boulder, pulled my hiking pants down, placed my butt amid moss-covered rocks and my legs behind his shoulders to give me the most spectacular orgasm ever—which was partially brought on by the view itself.
And, in case you’re wondering, he received his own scenic climax a few miles down the road…
12. The sex therapist who made me squirt in a medical chair
This fall, I went to a squirting workshop after not having been able to do it for so long. After the official demonstration, the teacher gave my lover and me a private class in the back of the club where I learned that yes, I can indeed squirt, I simply have to calm down and let it go! [Insert Frozen theme song]. I wrote a full story about this one too: Want to Squirt? First, Learn to Let Go!
13. The return of my ex-husband
I know, that really doesn’t sound sexy at all, and I was literally terrified when he announced his arrival in July. Worry not, nothing of sexual nature is, or will ever, happen between the two of us, but, after moving on and healing a lot since our break up, we’ve been able to keep the peace and focus on being good co-parents.
Spending the last three years as a single, solo mom with my ex living across the planet, I had little freedom and struggled to schedule in any real me-time. Now, I have someone to share responsibilities with. This blessing in disguise is making me a better parent, doing wonders for my mental health and my ability to get shit done—and provides ample opportunities for sexy explorations that were previously out of reach.
Here’s to moving past conflict and continued learning, healing, and growing in the new year!
14. An unexpected ménage à trois with two ladies I found on my corner
That sounds like a cheap plot for a porno, but it did really happen: Walking home from the store, ready for an evening alone, I ran into two girlfriends having a drink outside my corner store. Naturally, I invited them up, and, as usual, the conversation quickly turned to our favorite topic; sex.
I’m not sure whether to blame the wine, the lack of adventure and intimacy after isolation, or, perhaps the fact that we’re all a bunch of cheeky sluts (aka people “who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you”—Easton & Hardy, The Ethical Slut).
Regardless, one thing led to the next, which led to my bed—which became another one of my sexiest highlights. Will it also become the plot of an erotic short story? 2021 will tell.
15. Getting caught in ropes
It’s been years since I first played with ropes, but it never took the main seat. This fall that changed when my partner decided to brush up on his Shibari and suspension skills.
After the two of us split in November, I realized that this is a path I want to continue to explore further and quickly found the right people to help me do so. I’m currently falling madly in love with being tied, and I don’t seem to be able to shut up about it: Tie Me Up to Set Me Free.
16. A massage with a very happy ending
You know, when you end a relationship and think you might never have good sex again? And, on top, it’s the dead of winter and the midst of a pandemic. That’s when I came across Jonathan, a handsome tantric BDSM aficionado, massage therapist, and bodyworker. After meeting a couple of times, he really wanted to give me a full-body, hot oil massage. Well, yes, please! Has anyone ever said no to that question? (Unless it came from a creepy stranger).
After battling a cold and feeling stiff as a stick—being placed on an oil-soaked massage table for an hour and a half long treatment with a very slippery happy ending—I was a brand new person. The exact words I used to describe myself after was “I feel like a newborn dolphin”, and I may as well have been as I floated home on a wave of oxytocin and endorphins to land on the shores of my bed.
17. Advancing on my journey as a sexual healer
You’ll definitely hear more about this in 2021. Briefly; I’ve been studying Reiki, received my attunements, and am now practicing and combining this, and a few other modalities, into a personalized, intuitive healing praxis. I have a couple of test bunnies and a handful waiting for when it’s safer to accept clients.
I can’t tell you how empowering it’s been to put this dream into action and see it align so clearly with my path and writing work over the last years. Stay tuned!
18. Rolls of sensual photos
I’ve been taking self-portraits for a while now, and am finding the act of expressing myself in front of the camera a powerful and liberating creative endeavor. This year, I’ve made conscious steps to connect with many more photographers and have shot with a handful of them. I’ll continue this, and you may request to follow on Instagram or on my website.
19. Hot new writing clients
Few things are more rewarding than people recognizing your talents and hard work enough to get in touch and ask to pay you to do the same for them. This year has brought a delicious bunch of clients outside of Medium. Thank you to SPNKD, Lustery, Ersties, Kora Mikino Menstrual Panties + Poppy Sanchez, and Lioness for your trust and collaboration!
20. All of you beautiful people!
I’m endlessly grateful for all of my readers and friends here on Medium who read, comment, and cheer me on each and every day! And, I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for my witchy wifeys across the pond, Demeter & Yael, who are always there.
To all the amazing publications who keep accepting my work, and to Sexography for publishing the majority of my sexy stories—it’s been a pleasure to be a part of the team and watch you grow from 3k readers when I first joined, to now pushing 30k. WOW!!!
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and may 2021 be brighter, healthier, safer, saner—and, of course, sexier—for all!
With all my love,