Introduction to Power
How to get it, have it, use it and lose it
In our next series, we’re exploring power from all of the angles. Why, throughout history, progress has required it. Why we feel embarrassed about it. Why we crave it. Why it changes us. Why it changes others — how they perceive us, and how they treat us when we have it, or don’t have it. Or even worse, when we lose it. We’ll discuss tactics, too: How you get it, and how can you have impact when you don’t yet have it? How much is too much? How do you manage yourself and avoid the slippery slope of power? When do you need to fight for it? What to do when you’re given (or take) power and find you don’t want it?
The events of 2020 put power front-and-center for everyone. This topic showed up over and over and over again: Wider cultural understandings about systemic power, unconscious bias power, policing power, the continuing #metoo movement, workplace power abuse, baseless presidential election power-grabs. Phew. Power dynamics, power dysfunction, and power abuse have been inescapable in our country, our cultures, and across the world.
In our everyday lives, like it or not, power dynamics also show up in the bulk of our relationships: When working with others, with our families, with our communities. For anyone wanting to move the status quo, you’ll inevitably run into questions about power.
Our power example: Cheryl, Chair of the Board
As we explore power and what it means for individuals, let’s get context with an illustrative story. This is based on a real situation shared recently by a friend. (For anonymity, we’ll call her Cheryl.)
Cheryl chairs the Board of an 80 million dollar business. The Board had an opening and needed to recruit a new director. As the Board discussed recruiting for this position, one of the existing directors, in his normal frankness, declared, “Absolutely no one who has ever worked for Company X.” The rub? Two of the directors on the Board, participating in that very meeting, had had long tenures at Company X.
Board directors need strong working relationships, on a foundation of trust and respect, to further the strategic direction of their organization — this is a necessary part of working collaboratively. Further, the Board had recently spent considerable effort establishing values and a culture centered around inclusion. From a working relationship perspective, and from an inclusion perspective, this proposed exclusion was a breach, and a pretty big one at that. You can’t openly disparage a colleague’s experience and expect that quality collaboration will happen. The Board member’s statement needed to be addressed, and this fell to Cheryl as chair.
Cheryl’s instinct was to defer to her “can’t we all get along” (she calls it “kumbaya”) tactics. Here is a woman who lived and breathed the collaborative elements of leadership: the ladder of inference, being curious, listening without assuming. Perhaps it was a misunderstanding? she thought. No, he was clear. Does he have a point? No — he offered nothing reasonable to back up his statement. It was an arbitrary personal preference, steeped in exclusion. Maybe we just let this pass?
Conflict can be unpleasant and it’s normal to want to avoid it, but as you might expect, these kinds of things don’t just fade away if ignored. The director’s outspoken perspective created friction and conflict. The exclusionary comments crossed the line of acceptable, or psychologically safe, behavior. Effective leaders don’t let this kind of negative impact stand, not if they’re looking out for the long-term interests of the team and the organization.
Cheryl assessed, based on the dynamics of the incident and the director’s past behavior that, if left unaddressed he was likely to behave this way again, and further damage Board dynamics. Having worked with him for several months she also knew he was unlikely to respond to coaching or a redirection-based approach, nor come to an understanding on his own about why his comments were harmful.
This meant that Cheryl needed to use her positional power overtly, and swiftly. This was a moment to wield authority and to say, explicitly, that his statements had breached professional values and relationships needed to be repaired.
Both Maggie and Sarita reflected on how we might have responded in this situation, and we both felt we also would have had initial can’t we all just get along? instincts. The idea of deliberately using position and power created palpable unease for both of us…which surprised us, because we’re interested in power and view it as generally something worth having and using.
What’s the unease about? Probably it stems from poor experiences from leaders who wielded their power in harmful ways, prior workplaces with erratic norms around power (including passive aggression), and — much as we want to claim immunity from it — years of gender norms and socialization. Nonetheless, we saw, as Cheryl did, the urgency to step past this discomfort, and openly use, as they say, power for good.
Cheryl’s story sets up a lot aspects of power to examine: Her calculation about how to respond, effective vs. ineffective uses of power, ways to take power quickly to circumvent disruption and move goals forward, assumptions and stereotypes about what kind of power to use, unintended side effects, impact to reputation, and general personal discomfort about conflict. As our power series continues, we’ll discuss Cheryl’s response (and results), alongside other real stories covering power. We’ll also discuss tactics: How to get it. What do you do when you have it. How people use it before losing it.
How do YOU feel about power?
As you consider your relationship to power, and your experiences getting it, having it, or losing it, here are a few questions to foster deeper thinking:
- What messages did you learn about power, growing up (from parents, school, faith, community, the media)?
- Recall times that you wanted power, but had trouble getting it. What external factors got in the way? Did you feel internal conflict or ambivalence about getting power?
- When have you had power and misused it? Be generous with self-compassion, here — we all have had this experience.
- Moving forward, what would you like your relationship with power to be?
Until next time…stay powerful!
