3 Mental Shifts That Changed the Way I Look at Rejection (Even If You Have Lost All Confidence)
Stop taking it personally
#1: Shift the frame of rejection from personal to neutral
We avoid rejection due to the fear of getting hurt.
But what do we fear exactly? Who is getting hurt?
There isn’t any physical threat of being hurt; it’s only emotional, specifically your ego. When you don’t get accepted, you question your abilities and feel that something is wrong with you.
You get hurt because you take it as a reflection of your worth.
Rejection is not a reflection of your worth as a person, it’s a fleeting impression someone has of you in that moment. Everyone perceives you differently, each person you meet has a unique view of you.
Ask ten people and everyone has a different view about you. So which one is true? Neither of them is a real version of you.
The only true version is what you think about yourself.
We directly go into a self-sabotaging loop and make it our reality. We start to look at every rejection as a real projection of ourselves.
As our confidence and self-esteem fall, we hesitate to take action, and this fear eventually seeps into our everyday interactions.
#2: Shift the focus from the outcome to process
When we become overly attached to a specific outcome, we often develop a rigid expectation of how things should unfold. This desperation, rooted in our attachment, can trigger a fear-based approach.
Our minds are plagued by the daunting question: “What if the desired outcome doesn’t materialize?”
This state of fear can have a profound impact on our thought processes.
It can lead to excessive thinking, which, in turn, can disconnect us from reality. You find yourself stuck in your inner world, where worst-case scenarios dominate your thoughts. Our minds can quickly jump to negative conclusions, which we erroneously accept as undeniable truths.
With this overthinking, we get stuck in our world, we directly jump to the worst conclusion and believe it to be true.
For instance, imagine a student who is desperate to get an A+ on an exam.
Their minds will get flooded with frightening thoughts, such as “What if I don’t study enough?” or “What if I’m not intelligent enough?” This fear-based thinking can lead to a spiral of overthinking, causing the student to lose focus and detach from the present moment to actually study.
I have learned that we have to train our brains to see the act of doing something as a win, regardless of the outcome. The focus should be on the fact that you took action, which is important.
Every outcome is a win, either yes or no. We get the satisfaction of trying, not having regrets, and increased confidence to do it again.
#3: Shift the identity consciously by reshaping your perspective.
The experiences shape beliefs, beliefs shape perception, and perception shapes actions.
No one is born with anything, it’s all the experiences of life that shape us into believing and doing something. So our goal is to create newer experiences for ourselves and redefine our identity.
The more you force yourself into an environment where you’re exposed to rejection, the less fear you experience. In this, we expose ourselves to the stressor, which is rejection.
Increased exposure to the stressor makes our minds feel safe and comfortable with it.
Apply for the jobs you think you can never get. Cold DM and email people you want to work with. Reach out to the person you want to talk to. Compliment people you like on the street.
I am no different; I fear and shy away from such moments. But I have consciously made an effort to take the leap and put myself out there, even in the face of rejection.
I am not the best, but I am trying to go from a shy, scared boy to a confident, fearless man.
It will transform you completely and open a new world of opportunities.
If you liked this, then you will enjoy reading this one: Things I wish I’d understood sooner about rejection.
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