Month 5: Breaking From Routine
Learnings and observations from my first year of fatherhood.
Day 123: Going out tonight to watch the fight and I caught myself asking Mom for permission first. When and how did this start happening??
Day 124: Left the room with Baby on her back and came back a minute later to find her on her belly! Did she just roll??
Non-parents, I know, it’s just a stupid roll. But it’s not! It’s .. Forget it, I hear myself, I sound like an idiot and I hate you.
Day 125: Holding Baby to sleep, she’s using my shoulder as a soother. And… She just gave me a hickey. Well that’s weird.
Day 126: Shopping for a new pediatrician and one of our “options” today had to actually google when it was ok to give Baby a shot.
We miss you Dr. Shu. The world misses you.
Day 127: I’m sick and Baby absolutely does not care, the show must go on. The days of milking it, with prolonged resting periods of soup, bed, and TV anymore. There’s just a strong dose of grow a set and soldiering on.
Day 128: She’s catching on. She knows that story time is the precursor to sleep. And I think that she thinks that if she can fight story time, she can prevent sleep. That or she’s just legitimately over Karen Katz and her one move, flap books, like I am.
Day 129: I full on sprinted to the train only to realize that I left my keys back at the office. Officially this was the first night not seeing Baby before she slept. She won’t care, she won’t even remember. The pressure is self-inflicted. But since I missed bedtime anyway, this overwhelming guilt was followed by this uncomfortable joy from a fine night out!
Day 130: Mom’s colouring her scalp, with eyeshadow, to cover her fast developing bald spots. It’s actually come to this. I’m in awe of the science and the transformations Mom has to go through just to make this human life thing possible.
Day 131: Baby front facing in the carrier rocking a bucket hat and Converse socks, keeping it real hip hop. Passerby can’t help but smile, you’re welcome.
Day 132: Baby rolled, I saw it this time. She cheated and held onto something for balance but really that just makes her even more advanced. Stay scheming baby girl!
Day 133: It took 133 days for Mom to come back to our bed and only 5 hours for her to give up and move back into Baby’s room.
Day 134: We’re visiting Mom’s coworkers and Baby has explosive diarrhea. It’s all over her stomach and back; the poo sleeping through her onesie. Yep, this is awkward. We have to spare clothes and we just drove 40 minutes to get here. We’re going to see how this plays out.
Day 135: Planning a trip to Austin in a few weeks. Babies fly free and Gums isn’t eating solids or crawling yet. This window is as good as it’s going to get for us, at least for the next five years.
Day 136: I got 2 songs I sing, 3 books I read. I got about 5 solid faces I make, and 2 killer tickle moves. But that’s it, 30 minutes have elapsed, and that’s my full bag of tricks. Baby still has another hour before her nap time, and that’s all my material. I’m tapped out!
Day 137: Gums is now drinking frozen breast milk. I should be happy, but it tastes like dirty soap water and I’m losing respect for her with each passing gulp.
Day 138: She had a meltdown because she was unable to jam a toy into her mouth. I swear, dismemberment would elicit the exact same reaction. There are no levels. I did the appropriate asshole move of laughing at her, it builds character.
Day 139: It’s as if she heard us yesterday, discussing how she barely smiles anymore. Totally different baby today, at least tripling her smiling output, with a subtle F you to me and Mom.
Day 140: I was giving Baby a light show this morning, kinda like what would happen at a rave, but without the lights, the music or the drugs. Just all the weird hand movements. And now before bed I see her lying in her crib staring at her hands trying to do the same thing. It’s crazy how much she’s picking up.
Day 141: Working from home means sitting in bed, with my laptop out, staring at Baby staring at me.
Pro-trip: If you really want to get work done, tell Mom you’re going to work, tell work you’re staying at home, but really sit in a parking lot somewhere, alone.
Day 142: So Baby often gets stuck mid roll and cries. Sometimes it’s because she can’t get her own arm out of the way, but usually it’s her big head. It just won’t move with the rest of her body.
Day 143: I’m holding Gums and she’s completely distraught - flailing, crying, screaming. And Mom walks into the room and Gums immediately stops. I don’t think Baby hates me (anymore), she just loves Mom infinitely more.
Day 144: So we got this monstrosity of a jumper today from my buddy. It’s so ridiculous and over the top, it hurts both my eyes and soul to see Baby enjoying it. But she is, so it’s now a fixture in the home.
Day 145: I take back what I said on Day 122. She’s not a perfect baby anymore, she’s the exact opposite. She’s a monster.
Day 146: About yesterday: Turns out she’s actually sick and congested. We’re back to sucking snot out on the regular. Her cousins, with their booger fingers, are probably to blame. Cooties are real.
Day 147: Baby finally broke mom today. Woke up every hour at night and didn’t nap all day. Mom finally lost her cool and yelled. I broke months ago. Everyone breaks Mom, everyone breaks.
Day 148: Growth spurt is the new blanket explanation for prolonged periods of crying. If not that, it’s teeth. If not teeth, it’s sleep. Nobody really knows.
Day 149: Packing for our trip. Baby, all 13 pounds of her, needs 2 luggages, a car seat, and a stroller. One luggage is almost all diapers.
Day 150: Flew to Austin today. Not sure what I was more self conscious of, her whaling for hours on the airplane and chewing through a magazine or Mom calling her — Cutesicle, Boopy Bear, Baby Bunny, Cute Peanut — aloud in an effort to calm her down.
Day 151: In the Airbnb, napping in lego formation on a double bed.
Day 152: Baby has this fascination with mirrors, it always calms her down and always makes her smile. I wonder if she realizes it’s herself that she’s looking at or if she thinks it’s another baby. I kinda think it’s the former and she’s just really really vein.
Day 153: We agreed that we weren’t going to be germaphobe parents. So when she dropped her toy in the bathroom of a Target today, I wiped it against my pant leg, gave it back to her, and cringed as we watched her put it back in her mouth. We’re building her immunity though right? Right?! Please don’t die.
