The Emotional Pitfalls of Entrepreneurship
I’m entering into an emotional depression. I want to blame it on a chemical imbalance in my brain, because I’m not the type of person who gets depressed. But the negativity has been feeding on itself, as negativity always does. And everyday I’m having to fight my way out of it. Every day.
Why do I feel this way? Because I am no longer a man. A man can sustain himself. A man doesn’t mooch off of others to live the good life. A man works harder, not less, when times get tough. A man doesn’t feel sorry for himself. I’m violating all of those principles.
There’s so much good in my life. There’s so much to be grateful for. There’s so much to want to work hard for. And yet I look at myself with disgust because I’m wasting it all. I’m not living up to my obligations to myself or my brother. He is literally betting his entire future on me. Of course I feel guilty.
I have been sitting around waiting for that guilt to overcome my fear. I have a serious fear of selling. It’s overwhelming. I can’t seem to overcome it. It’s like stage fright. I just can’t seem to get myself to fucking bite the bullet and get in front of someone. Anyone!
When I say I can’t I mean I fucking can’t. It’s not that I don’t want to, or don’t know what the fuck it is I have to do. It is as plain as day right in front of me. All I have to do is reach out and grab it. But for 2 months I have failed to execute. If this was a job I would’ve been fired 6 weeks ago. Thoughts of quitting have even surfaced. It seems I’m willing to do anything not to have to go through with selling door to door.
I’ve even tried to apply the principle that has worked so well with all of my other habits, which is when you first start, make it so easy that not doing it would be an embarrassment. For this specific task that would mean sending out one cold email a day. That’s it! Just 1 email selling my value proposition. I don’t have to get dressed and leave the house for that. I don’t have to fear selling in person for that. I just have to send out 1 email a day. That’s it.
Even that has been a challenge. And yes, it is absolutely embarrassing. It is shameful.
It reminds me of when I was in high school and I tried out for the football team. I remember being scared out of my wits. I didn’t really want to play football, I wanted to be known as a football player. In much the same way, when it comes to being an entrepreneur, I don’t really want to hustle, I want to be known as a hustler.
But the difference is I can’t quit now like I did then. There is no going back to the life I lived before. No chance. There is nothing else but this. I’ve walked through the first door, and I’m on my way to the 2nd door.
I have to focus. I have to work harder. I have to put in a lot more effort. There is no choice here. The work must be done and I have to be the one that does it. I have to walk through that 2nd door.
This story is part of a series documenting the journey of a 2016 Dallas startup called Feather. For your reference here is the Table of Contents for the series.
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