Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

Since the beginning of human history hundreds of thousands of years ago, it had always been our primary instinct to survive. Thanks to our inherent need to survive, we had evolved into beings with high intelligence and began forming societies, which led to the expansion of the human race.

Personally, I’ve been living in survival mode for a very long time. To this day, I cannot say with 100% confidence that I left it entirely, but I am definitely proud of my progress. In this post, I can share how I was able to gradually change my mindset and become more relaxed and less defensive (though, at times, it’s still a work in progress).

Just like everything in life, some things are in our control, and some aren’t — if there’s at least one tip you’d find helpful after reading this, that would be amazing news for me. Also, if you cannot enjoy life and feel like everything feels like a burden, then I’d love you to see this post as your sign to speak to a mental health professional. When you’re in this state of mind, it’s important to get some help, or at least reach out to your loved ones or someone who will listen.

And without further ado, let’s dive in. First, what does it mean to be in survival mode?

How survival mode manifests today.

There’s a very influential theory that suggests fight-or-flight response was something humans developed since ancient times, as our ancestors were hunters and were often faced with dangerous animals. In those situations, they had several choices of action: verge the battle, escape or freeze, hoping the threat will bypass them soon.

Living in a survival mode means entering the fight-and-flight response so often that it pretty much occurs on a daily basis. While it can manifest in different ways, essentially, it’s underpinned by the persistent feeling that you cannot enjoy life and be your best self because of how your life currently is right now. Nothing that happens in your reality serves your best interests and helps you become the best version of yourself. Or, even worse, your existence feels like eternal suffering, and you are constantly feeling like you’re missing out on the little joys of living.

There may be different reasons we enter the survival mode, and they can be connected to various factors:

Being in actual danger. We may have a justified reason for living in the survival mode, such as living in the environment that is threatening, unsafe, or even violent.

Entering the survival mode as a trauma response. While on the outside, we can live our best life and have everything we’ve ever dreamt of, our past traumas can hold us back from enjoying it all to the fullest.

Surviving due to learned helplessness. Sometimes, even once we’ve left the unsafe place and worked through our trauma, we still may come back into survival out of habit, as it’s what feels most comfortable to us. Simply put, we don’t know any better, and we can’t imagine that the life with the abundance mindset is for us.

Feeling like we cannot thrive because others depend on us too much. Sometimes, we may have a lot of obligations which require us to care for other people. A simple example would be having a child or an elderly parent to care for. We may feel like as we give all the best to that person, we do not leave time for ourselves to thrive. This reason may or may not involve co-dependency.

We’re surrounded by people that bring out the worst in us. In this scenario, we’re influenced by the people and environment who aren’t good for us, which affects our values and how we see the world.

Of course, there are so many other reasons which I may not cover all in one post, but I feel like these five summarize the gist of it.

Survival mode can show up in:

• your personal life;
• your emotional life;
• your family and friendships;
• everyday little moments;
• all of the above.

How to deal with it:

This is what I’ve learned from personal experience.

Choose your environment — be where you’re meant to be.

I cannot emphasize enough that your environment may be the reason you keep falling back into your survival mode habits. It can be anything, from things like excessive noise or a dirty apartment, living in a bad neighbourhood, or in a city that doesn’t match your energy. If you change your environment, you will get a new perspective, and you will discover a version of you that’s happier and open to more possibilities. In my case, I’ve always wanted to live in Europe instead of Australia, and I feel much happier in Europe. While my move may only be temporary, and I will be back home eventually, I’m still grateful to be in an environment that I find to be way more aligned with who I am. Which brings me to my other point — if you can’t change your environment radically, change something temporarily or in a small way. Even a short getaway to the place where you feel you’re meant to be in, or a minor change in your environment (i.e. cleaning your room every day) can make a difference.

Breathe and move — come back to the body.

One of the recently emerged schools of thought in psychology practice advocates more and more for the idea that trauma lives not just in our minds, but also in our bodies. In other words, the body remembers traumatic experiences and reacts to the triggers perceived as threatening. Our bodies can even remember the intergenerational trauma: that is, we can pass it down to our children and grandchildren unknowingly.

Breath and movement are the antidotes to living in a survival mode. Different meditation practices and breathing techniques can be very helpful to improve your overall well-being and to feel more at peace. But simply physically slowing down and taking some time to breathe can be a real lifesaver.

Remove the shame.

When we stay in survival mode for too long, we may feel ashamed of ourselves — I certainly did. I used to feel (and I definitely still do sometimes) ashamed that I was behind on some things in life because of the limiting beliefs I’ve learned in the past. But the thing is, there is nothing embarrassing about the fact that you ended up in situations where you had to survive. Not everything in our life is under our control, and sometimes all we can do is our best, which is mostly surviving.

Another thing I’ve learned is that it’s okay if sometimes, when triggered by certain things, I slip back into these sorts of patterns. On some level, I feel like I may never leave the survival mode entirely as several traumatic things happened in my life, and that’s okay, too. I am open to the possibility of it happening, but I won’t shame myself if it doesn’t, as long as I don’t let this state of being control my life. In fact, we should be proud of ourselves if we manage to get to the other side of normal life despite all the hardships, and not be ashamed at all. Instead, we can learn to celebrate our strength and our resilience.

Stay positive and believe good things are already happening to you.

There’s one mistake I’ve definitely made before which kept me from thriving and it’s this:

I was waiting for a sign. A magical transformation to happen and show me the way.

Spoiler: it won’t happen. No one is coming to save you.

Of course, as I can’t possibly sit still, I was still always actively working on myself and improving different areas of my life. But I still thought that one day, there will be this defining moment, and someone will tell me: “Now, you’re good. Now you’ve made it.”

But the thing is, we won’t see those signs. Whether you believe in a God or destiny or not, if we’re stuck in survival mode, we can’t notice anything beyond survival itself, which in turn defines our perception of life and causes us to miss opportunities.

It’s so important to stay positive even in the darkest moments — and science backs that! Due to their innate neuroplasticity, our brains create our own reality, which means our life can improve drastically if we trick our brains to think good thoughts.

Don’t suppress, express instead.

Another horrible effect of staying in survival mode is that your self-expression becomes inhibited. Sometimes, when I enter it, I feel like a robot going through motions and saying things I know are expected. I also don’t say things I really want to say. That’s because the survival state forces us to be cautious, to analyze too much and to be afraid to be ourselves. As I’ve learned from my experience, suppressing yourself only keeps you stuck. The more you don’t live your purpose and who you are supposed to be, the more you feel like the world isn’t a safe place (because how can you be emotionally safe if you’re spending all the time to pretend and maintain a persona that isn’t really you?)

Find an outlet to express yourself, even if it’s something that only takes five minutes a day. Expression heals. Expression gives you a chance to be yourself and stay true to your emotions, especially if you constantly have to be in the situations where you can’t do that.

I hope you found either of these helpful, and maybe some of these tips will help you get out of the survival mode, or at least leave it temporarily. Just remember, it’s completely okay if you slip into it from time to time, and it’s definitely understandable if you have a reason to stay in it. After all, sometimes we end up in situations where the state of survival is absolutely necessary, and it’s not our fault. But if you need to discover who you are, you need to commit to leaving the survival mode one day, no matter how impossible it seems. And I believe you can. ❤

P.S. If you like my writing and wish to support me, you can do so through the Buy me a Coffee platform! Thank you for reading ☺

We hear it everywhere: live in the present moment and enjoy what you have NOW. But is it easier said than done? What is the secret of slow living — the lifestyle where every moment counts?

Since I’ve moved to Spain for a working holiday visa, in my first few weeks I’ve witnessed the philosophy of slow living in action. I definitely can tell that people here are more present. They prioritise spending time with friends and family, and there is no “rush culture” unlike in many other Western countries.

To be clear, Spanish people are very hard-working, and many of them find themselves overworked and not getting enough sleep in the past decade due to the worsened economic conditions around the globe. But there’s still a lot we can learn from their culture, traditions and the way they see the world.

Here’s my take on slow living from personal experience and whether it works or not in practice.

I’ll start with the positives:

Good things come to those who wait...

Living in Spain definitely forced me to slow down a little. I will use my experience with Spanish waiters as an example.

Whoever had been to Spain or lived here can confirm that it can take a while to get some service in restaurants (or even to be noticed, lol). It’s still not too bad in bigger cities, but from what I heard, in smaller towns it’s even worse. The waiter will take their time to approach you (unless you speak to them first), and you definitely shouldn’t expect that they will bring you the bill quickly. If you want it timely, you better off asking for it a little in advance and not at the last minute when you really need to leave.

I’ve made a mistake: I got frustrated with a waitress who was taking too long to accept my payment, and she noticed my frustration as I struggled to hide it (I am used to quick service in Australia and I’ve had certain expectations). I felt terrible about it — not only did I bring in a bad vibe with my frustration, it also was my favourite cafe in the area! I thought they wouldn’t welcome me back there after that incident, but thankfully, it’s been all sorted! Me and the waitress are friends now and, most importantly, I’ve learned to be a bit more patient. :)

From a personal observation, I’d say there are three main reasons why waiters take so long and won’t always approach you first about the bill:

• People eat a lot in Spain: a simple lunch can easily turn into a full-on gourmet experience. It can start off with some drinks, then a set menu of two courses or a few platters to share, more drinks and snacks after, followed by a dessert and coffee to end with. There’s an assumption that no one is leaving any time soon before they finish all the food.
• Break time is sacred. Servers don’t want to rush you on your midday break, so they let you take your time. It’s normal to spend at least an hour or two at lunch, depending on a personal preference.
• Waiters are a part of the community's fabric. They will stop and chat to you, joke around and make you feel at home. At times, it may result in delays with other customers, especially since many places are understaffed.

Instead of hopping back with a takeaway bundle to your desk, here you can connect with the present moment. As you sit down to chat with your family/friends/co-workers and local servers and chefs, tasting incredible food, smelling the fruity sangria and laughing your heart out in a relaxed environment, you are truly alive.

You’re present. You exist. Welcome to slow living!

Do you have something to worry about? Well, just don’t.

The number of times I’ve been hit with tranquila cariño no pasa nada (relax/slow down, sweetheart, it’s alright) just in the first few weeks... In Spain, people will give you dirty looks if you worry over nothing (which I do all the time, being an anxious person). No one makes a big deal out of their problems, let alone little everyday unpleasantries. Not that people here never complain or feel sad, it’s rather that they’re more tolerant of things not going to plan and being flexible at a short notice. That’s another aspect of staying present in the moment and focusing on the positive, making the most out of what you have right now.

Family, friends and living > work and career.

Lots of things in Spain revolve around spending time with family and friends and enjoying life above everything else. For example, lots of places are closed on Sundays as it’s the day designed for rest and family time. But not just that: businesses set their own hours which can change at a short notice. In summer, half of Madrid isn’t open as most Madrilenos take a couple of months off to enjoy their holidays. Lunch breaks can be very long, and day drinking is a thing on a Tuesday afternoon (though it could be just a summer thing, as we’re in the middle of the scorching 38-degree heatwave). Kids are allowed in bars and, in general, Spain is a very child-friendly country, integrating them into the society early on.

Relationships and community are paramount in Spain, and it’s a big part of the slow living vibe. It’s about spending time with those that matter most and human connection, which I think is really beautiful. Maybe that’s why I find Spanish people very warm and friendly — these values are reflected in the way people interact in their day-to-day life. And while in the last few decades Spaniards started working longer hours than many of their European counterparts, they still put their family and friends first.

Downsides of slow living.

There’s nothing perfect in this world, and living in the present moment is no exception. Living in Madrid these few weeks has shown me the not-so-dreamy side of slow living, too.

Efficiency is not a thing, and it will test your patience.

If you’re someone like me who loves getting lots of things done and crossing items off your list, living in Spain might put your patience to a test. Don’t get me wrong: a lot of services I’ve been encountering here are performed exceedingly well and in a highly professional manner. But things take here a liiiitle longer than I am used to. Prepare to stand in line for at least an hour, be unable to learn any information without using the powers of telepathy and go through annoying bureaucratic processes. That’s the downside of the “slow living” philosophy — the lack of efficient processes.

You may have to give up or let go of your materialistic side a little.

We live in a highly capitalist world and adhering to the mantra above is easier said than done. However, if you work less or choose a job that allows you to have a better work-life balance, it’s only logical that you will make less money. Of course, it depends on the case-by-case basis and individual circumstances. But from what I’d found after speaking to many people, if you want to be more present, you might need to wave hustle-and-bustle goodbye.

It makes me wonder whether slow living kills ambition. There was a study done in 2018, indicating that thousands of young people under the age of 34 emigrated from Spain in search of better opportunities and a more driven lifestyle. There is also one of the highest youth unemployment rates in Europe. Spain had been through the Great Recession from 2008 to 2014, and then the Covid recession, but the country is finally setting its foot on the road to recovery. I feel like the economic situation played a role in entrenching the idea of slow living, as Spaniards had to adapt to the challenges posed by the crisis.

My own verdict

No matter how long I may end up staying in Spain, I feel like I’ve come here for a reason. I think sometimes I do need to relax a little, let go and be more patient. I tend to overthink a lot of things, so it’s definitely quite helpful to be presented with a different mentality that focuses on a more relaxed approach. Having said that, I don’t think I can be less ambitious than I am and give up hustling completely. But hey, let’s check in a few months! 🇪🇸

Thanks so much for reading this post! ☺ If you love poetry, check out some of my poems here as well:

Much love,

Olena

Photo by Atikh Bana on Unsplash

Be honest: have you ever been sliiightly annoyed by people that just seem so effortless at everything? It’s like they glide into every room on their airy unicorn that shoots rainbows out of its a*s, always looking so perfect and airbrushed and … easy. It always appears as if they never have to work hard because life just hands everything to them: connections, experiences, wealth, and so on.

I’ve had my moments when I felt jealous of these types. Interestingly, I was one of them in certain contexts (usually, a couple of shots of tequila were required first). Sometimes, I can’t help but feel a bit less when I meet these people that are so light-hearted and seem to always attain everything without much effort. At the same time, I am a big believer in reframing my negative emotions into something positive, as, for example, looking at them as a learning opportunity rather than brooding over them. So, if you’ve ever felt like me… read on, let’s learn and reflect on this together. And if you feel like you’re someone from the light-hearted crowd… well, keep reading if you’re curious :)

So, effortlessness. What is it all about? How do we attain that? And, most importantly, can we and do we always need to pursue it?

First, I want to cover what looks like effortlessness, but really isn’t. 
Some people may choose to appear worry-free because it’s in their interests to be perceived that way. These days, this false image can be easily backed up by faux happy social media photos and Instagram stories, full of excitement and “living the life to the fullest” vibes. We’re all guilty of this on occasion, but some individuals present their existence as completely perfect and use it to their advantage, be it for a financial or social benefit. But in reality, their curated ideal lifestyle is a complete lie.

I’m also not talking about those types of people that seem chill and happy about everything, but the real reason for their constant positivity is because they never face their problems.

Image by Oleg Ivanov on Unsplash

This is also not effortlessness. This is denial.

There are a lot of misconceptions about being effortless and what this really means, and the two above are the most common ones.

Firstly, effortlessness is highly constructed.
When I’ve started thinking and researching about effortless people, this is the first conclusion I’ve reached. Here’s the paradox: one needs a lot of effort to be effortless.

I mean, if you think about it — can we really go through life being so completely unbothered by anything and always radiating positivity 24/7 non-stop? There are so many challenges and struggles we go through as human beings, and no one is an exception to that. Every day, we are bombarded with crises that need our constant attention. To keep an effortless attitude to life despite all the noise, one needs to take conscious steps to build routines and surround themselves with people that help them maintain that mindset.

Effortless people experience all the downs of life: demanding work schedule, family commitments, sick kids and bad days. Therefore, they have stronger boundaries, knowing exactly what they do and don’t let in their lives. Effortlessness is not an accident; it is a life thoughtfully structured and constructed with the goal to be your best self in as many moments and situations as possible.

Effortless people accept they need help and other people.
Effortlessness is about minimising reasons for worrying. When we have too much on our plate, drowning in work and endless errands we never get to finish, it’s incredibly hard to feel happy, inspired, and light-hearted. Effortless people know they can’t do it all alone and aren’t afraid to reach out for help and ask their loved ones to share the burden with them.

According to some experts, effortlessness is simply a skill.
Could that be true - to become lighter, flowier and happier, we just need to practice? Some psychologists and self-help gurus would say “yes” to that. If you want to be an effortless person, you might as well act like one (fake it till you make it, right?). It can start with implementing small and playful challenges, such as talking to strangers for at least 5 minutes every day, or doing something completely spontaneous every weekend. Eventually, this activity will turn into a habit, and you will start becoming an effortless person through the power of your own actions.

Effortless people surrender to the flow of life.
If we find ourselves constantly “swimming against the tide”, it will make us exhausted and unmotivated. Then, our chances of feeling, or even seeming effortless, are much slimmer. And that’s another thing “effortless” people do really well — they go with the flow instead of resisting it. They let go of societal expectations and do what they think feels right to them. But, most importantly, they stop listening to the inner critic in their head that likes to fixate and obsess over everything. Instead, they listen to their intuition and make choices that are aligned with who they really are, even if their decisions aren’t always understood by most people.

But remember, the attitude of effortlessness isn’t all you need and is not a panacea to all of your problems.
Effortless people are some of the coolest friends one can meet, but if even despite all of your attempts you haven’t become the most free-spirited person in the room, don’t berate yourself for it. Effortlessness is a great quality to embrace, but it doesn’t have to define you completely. You may have a lot of other amazing qualities that would make you very different from effortless people — i.e. you may be someone who is very reliable, or a caring person with a sensitive and gentle heart. There may be moments where you will feel like it’s more appropriate for you to be serious and intense, and that’s awesome too — trust me, I know! We’re all beautiful in our own right, and it would be very boring if we’d all have the same personality, insights and views on life. Actually, if everyone was effortless, then it would not exist as a concept because we’d have no way to compare it. Learn to be lighter, but be proud of your deep, intense soul and an effortful attitude: it means you’re someone who cares a lot, and that’s a beautiful thing.*

*Some people can feel like they can relate to both ends of the spectrum, and change how they interact with others depending on the context. I am just speaking to those who often felt like they were less because they were perceived as less fun/frivolous/light/effortless than their more chill counterparts. ☺

Photo by Zachary Kadolph on Unsplash

I’ve been a perfectionist my entire life. I’d say it had all started in pre-school when I was still living in Ukraine — during those first few times I’d been praised for a job well done. My grandmother also dedicated a lot of time to my education early on. Apparently, I could recite poems and short stories by the age of five (though some learning sessions involved a lot of crying and hating grandma for making me study, as my whimpering outbursts recorded on old cassette tapes can show).

I went to middle school in Ukraine and completed high school and uni in Australia — and I found that despite these countries being so fundamentally different, both Australian and Ukrainian societies value and reward hard work and achievement. I guess these concepts are so ever-present in most cultural, urban and semi-urban contexts, where the “work hard, play hard” lifestyle is considered as default. Subconsciously, we believe that if only we work hard, we will “get there” and make all of our dreams come true. We internalise it as an indisputable fact of how life is and should be.

But in reality, hard work is just one aspect of success. Some people work hard their entire lives and never reach it — which means hard work alone won’t guarantee that it’s going to happen. There are many other unique factors that play a role, such as our privileges, surroundings, personal circumstances, our physical attributes, our mood and even our genetics to some extent. Not to mention the role of luck in all of this.

And even if all the hard work does pay off eventually, and we end up getting what we want and having it all — will this “unattainable want” still be just as appealing to us once we actually get it? After all, a lot of wealthy people are unhappy with their lives and would happily trade their obligations and attachments for a simpler life. Social butterflies with busy schedules and lots of friends can still feel lonely and empty. Those that have perfect looks can feel very insecure deep inside. And so on. Not that having these things in your life wouldn’t help, but maybe having it all figured out is not really the answer.

I’ve realised that hard work can bring you concrete results, but it won’t necessarily make you happy. And if we work too hard, we end up being too hard on ourselves (forgive the pun). Lately, I’ve started trying to change my thought patterns and my understanding of hard-work, so that I’d harass myself less for not being the exceptionally perfect grinder that never ever stops, which I aspired to be for quite a while.

Despite everything I’ve just written, I had to accept that perfectionism and striving to overwork and overachieve is a big part of who I am. Acceptance was the first step to solving the problem of being too hard on myself. Perfectionism has always been my inner drive and, in some ways, it will always be. I just need to make sure I don’t let this quality take the driver’s seat when I make decisions. Instead, I can acknowledge my desire to work hard as completely valid and normal, but in the end choose to do what’s best for me overall, taking into account other things like my own happiness, mental health, social well-being, etc.

I am reframing what I see as “success.” When I am trying to chase it, I rarely feel like any achievement is ever enough. Now I am trying to see whether what I am doing has meaning to me. I ask myself how what I do makes me feel and why it’s important for me to keep doing it. I am working on making “success” as a by-product, not the primary goal, focusing on my purpose instead.

And last but not least, I am resolving to avoid comparing myself to others. Everyone is doing their own thing, and other people’s successes and failures have nothing to do with me. And coming to think of that, if all of us experience reality differently and see their own vision of the world, then maybe competition and comparison are simply illusions of the ego.

And what is your relationship with working hard and pushing yourself over the limit? Is it as complicated as mine, or have you figured out your own balance?

Photo by Jacqueline Day on Unsplash

I came to the conclusion that the "creative block" that writers, artists, musicians and entrepreneurs experience so often comes from the feelings of guilt, plain and simple.

I have personally experienced creative guilt in many different ways and I want to share those with you today and how I’ve dealt with it because, after all, the more we talk about it, the more aware we are. Awareness is the first step towards a guilt-free creativity!

The classic creative guilt woe: "I could be getting more done" guilt.

Ah, perfectionism. Don’t we know it all, especially if we identify ourselves as creatives. Always feeling like we could be doing more, taking on more, producing more. Sometimes, it even gets to a point where we no longer see the milestones we reach, or the victories we gain - we just keep plowing on, without the light at the end of the tunnel in sight.

Recently, to deal with this kind of guilt, I’ve started telling myself that I am doing a really good job for every task I accomplish and actually forcing myself to notice it. Sometimes, we need to get out of our head and think objectively: if it was someone else doing everything we’ve been doing, we would praise them highly and tell them that they’ve been doing so much. Acknowledging the hard work you’ve done, down to every specific task and celebrating every milestone is very important to tackle the unhelpful feelings of guilt.

Of course, it doesn’t help that we now live in a world obsessed with productivity and busyness. Sometimes, it feels like that many of us just stay busy for the sake of it, not for the results. Staying put, keeping calm, being at one place at peace has become something we aren’t allowed to choose, but rather what we have to earn or yearn for. Occasional self-care time once a week is the time when you are officially allowed be at peace. Getting away for the weekend is another guilt-free peace ticket you have earned. If you are a woke, influencer-hipster who drinks green juice and coaches yoga on the weekends, then you are also allowed to have peace as a part of your routine (as long as you have turned it into a successful business, of course). Everyone else is expected to hustle, otherwise you are an equivalent of a failure.

So, remember, the feeling of guilt you’re experiencing isn’t technically coming from you: it’s coming from a demanding, fast-paced culture we have created and have grown into these past few years due to rapid technological progress and rise of social media, and high expectations of immediacy and fast delivery. Take a breather and stop - you’re already doing enough even if you can’t see it yet.

"I am afraid to hurt someone’s feelings" guilt.

This one I’ve been wrestling with all my life whenever I’ve hit publish. I am a very outspoken person in both my writing and my life, and I’ve often felt like my words may hurt other people. Whenever I wrote about politics, whether it was a post, an actual blog or just some personal reflections, it took a lot of courage to actually get it out because I felt conscious over the reactions to my words and how other people would take it.

If you’re struggling with expressing a political opinion, or a thought that you feel like may be controversial, first of all, know that it is normal. You’re doing something brave and it doesn’t come easy. I’d say an important thing to remember is to make sure what you’re about to share is fact-checked and has a solid basis. If you feel like you have facts to back up what you create and what you stand for, you will feel more confident that you’re truly doing the right thing. If you really have something to stand for, and you feel like you cannot be silent, then you should speak out - because sometimes, you will find that if you would not have said anything, no one else would, if it weren’t for you.

As for other people’s feelings, I think we should still stay civil and considerate - I always try to avoid offensive language and just to express what needs to be expressed. But the thing is, even if you think you’ve done everything you could to be respectful when expressing your truth, you can’t control everyone’s reactions.

Another tip is that you can always seek a second opinion of a trusted friend before posting something controversial, or, if worst comes to worst, you can apologize and remove the post if you’ve come to realize it was insensitive in the first place after you’ve published it. But without trying, you would never learn what works and what doesn’t for you and for your community.

"My content should be more exciting/deeper/written better/performed better/make more sense/what’s with the grammar¿?" guilt

This doesn’t just apply to writers and, once again, ties in with the idea of perfectionism. For a long time, I’ve been treating writing like law. What do I mean (this sentence definitely makes no sense on its own, does it? Speaking of making more sense)? Well, my other degree is law. And every law student, lawyer, legal practitioner, or anyone for that matter who have been a part of that world will tell you one thing: law is a lot about precision.

This may come as a surprise - after all, much of the law is up to interpretation. So how can precision be one of the most important things in legal practice? Well, I would argue that it is not so much the precision of what the interpretation of the law is, as so much is the process of it.

Law is a structure of precision. Your opinion doesn’t exist (unless you’re a judge) - the law itself exists as it is. The legal procedure is as it is. You can play around with the rules, you can bend them, change them and come up with creative ways to win in legal world, but you cannot escape the rules. It’s nothing like the creative process.

The creative process doesn’t have a lot of guidelines. You can argue that there are rules and conventions in every artistic niche, but they are incredibly loose and at times can be abandoned altogether. Just think that someone once wrote a play where nothing happens and the plot is virtually absent (Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett). Remember the abstract cubist art of Picasso works or when the 4th wall in film and theatre performances was broken for the first time and the fiction crossed over into the auditorium, breaking the rules right before the audience’s eyes.

So, I guess, my advice would be that whenever you’re stuck creatively in "so much is missing from my work" guilt, try to think of art as a process and not a final goal. Creative process is supposed to be messy and make no sense. I would actually advise against striving for perfection because if all you do is keep striving for perfection, you’re missing the bigger picture, and you’re missing all the opportunities of accidental mistakes that could turn into something beautiful and real - not perfect, but truly real. After all, all the best things in the world (chocolate chip-cookies, potato chips, champagne and bubble wrap) were actually mistakes at first.

In short, it's time to awaken, my friend, and create your art guilt-free! Being yourself is the greatest art there is. I hope you dare to.

Guilty As Charged: Where Does Our Creative Guilt Come From? was originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Sometimes, we find ourselves in a place where we have to begin again, whether it’s a creative project we’re working on, or a personal venture, like a relationship, a business we have abandoned, an attempt to repair something that has been broken.

We won't be able to move forward and hit the “restart” button unless we achieve full clarity of the situation.

What do I mean?

Let’s think of what are the “types of clarity” we need in our personal and creative life and what we can do to regain it:

Mental clarity
Mental clarity is about having clear thoughts and ideas organized in a logical manner in our mind. It’s the bread and butter of clarities. When your thought process follows a structured, logical flow, it allows you to make the right decisions — be it a creative choice, or something very personal.

How to achieve mental clarity? Stay in the present moment.
The enemy of mental clarity is overthinking. Especially when it comes to creative work — it’s easy to become overwhelmed with so many ideas. If you realize that thinking too much isn’t helping you and only leaves you in a place of confusion and inability to move forward with the project, focus on what’s in
front of you and simplify it. Be right here in the moment and stay grounded — not just in the few minutes when you choose to unwind from your day to meditate and relax, but in every aspect of your life, including work, relationships and creativity.

Emotional clarity
Emotional “fog” happens when we struggle to be in control of our emotions and let them control us. It can be expressed in various ways: feeling numb and unable to feel anything or, on the contrary, not being able to stop the overflow of emotions which can result in us lashing out at our family or friends and burning bridges.

How to get your emotional clarity back? Become aware of your emotions.
It’s always easy to dismiss our emotions and pretend they don’t exist, sweeping all of our baggage under the metaphorical rug. But whenever we do that, it only leads to a worse outcome: the negative feelings come back in full force, seeping out all of our energy. To avoid dealing with all your feelings at once, it’s wise to take on a chunking strategy. Whenever you experience a certain feeling that isn’t pleasant, notice it and ask yourself why right away. Awareness can be especially helpful if you are emotionally blocked to begin a creative project that you feel uncertain about due to some unresolved feelings. It’s always a question of choice whether you need to pursue a project, but one thing for certain is that if you’re saying an inner “no” to it, you need to know why before you call it quits.

Goals clarity
Once your mental and emotional clarities are sorted, it’s time to remember your “why.” Why do you want to regain clarity in the first place? Why do you want to start a particular project? Why do you want to start something all over again? It’s important to define goals and ask questions that will determine
what you’re set to achieve and when.

The best way to become clear about your goals? Make a plan.
We need to be specific about our goals and plan them well because if our goals are too broad, there is no clear timeline and we don’t really know what we want to achieve, we will have no clear direction.

Make a plan of what you want the final outcome to be, but do not stop at that: think deeper. Think of a backup scenario if things don’t go your way. Ask yourself — what will be in my way when I will be working
towards my goal? What are the factors that play out in my favor? How can I get there as fast and as efficiently as possible? And while it’s true that we live in a world where we have to constantly adapt to changes and having a plan is now almost a thing of the past, at the end of the day, you can always make a different plan. Making plans, even when knowing that they’re going to change, is what helps you find your vision and your central objectives on the way to fulfill your goals and dreams.

So, go ahead: make a cup of a calming tea, sit down for half an hour to think it over and plan it out: in other words, give yourself the clarity that you’re now missing. The moment you will find a balance between all the three clarities — mental, emotional and the clarity about your goals — is the moment you will be able to feel creative again, find the courage to start over any projects that you chose to abandon and try new risks.

Why We Need Clarity to Start Over was originally published in Change Your Mind Change Your Life on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Photo by Nadim Merrikh on Unsplash

What does authenticity actually mean to me? As someone who writes about creativity, the idea of it really got me thinking.

Probably I’m one of those who thinks of authenticity as something magical. It’s something inside of me - whether it takes me down the process path of an intense, organised routine to create something, whether what I write sells or not, whether it’s relatable - to me it doesn’t matter in the end. Authenticity is something that is mine. Something I hate sharing, actually. This time, in line with my blog’s topic, I’m trying my hardest not to edit this post too much.

So, what are some problems with authenticity? Of course, the social, aesthetic and personal filters applied to every product (yes, writing is a product, just like any creative work). The refining, the tuning, the re-engineering of it. Don’t say this, don’t expose that. And I’m in favor of filters. Some things shouldn’t be said, even if it’s limiting to our creativity. Filtering is a necessary part of the process, turning something raw into a diamond, so to speak.

For me, this is also where the aspect of ethics comes in. The last thing I want is for my expression to harm anyone inadvertently, it’s one of my fears as a creative. That my work will exacerbate someone’s traumatic enough experiences, that I will misspeak about something I don’t truly understand. Lately, I’ve felt so inspired by the Black Lives Matter movement that has gained a true momentum in these last few months, especially in the Western world. I wanted to write a blog post about it. I’ve stopped myself. It wasn’t my place, it wasn’t my struggle. I didn’t know enough to contribute something meaningful to the conversation. It wasn’t my story to tell.

Writing is just freaking hard for me on so many levels, taking in consideration the above, and way beyond that. English is not my first language. It gets really annoying leaving blanks for words, or inserting Russian words as temporary placeholders for my thoughts, but then when I turn to Google Translate, it feeds me something super basic or extra ridiculous that has nothing to do with the word I had in my soul. Maybe, that’s exactly what I should do - share my drafts with 20% of random Russian (and, at rare times, Ukrainian) words in it.

I also fucking hate when people romanticize the writing process. It’s not that romantic, okay? It’s actually kind of painful, just like the true love itself. It’s like you’re emotionally constipated for days, weeks, forever - and then everything you’ve been feeling just pours on the page, and you’re so happy, and so sad, so euphoric about it, until the inner critic walks through the door of your mind, stomping their dirty feet on your creativity, and whispers "Erase it, burn it until it’s all scorched up, so that not a single letter of this crap is legible".

I guess if we had to go metaphors, writing is not romantic as such as a pursuit, but it is a lot like romantic first love. It’s a pure drug. But unlike passionate love that lasts just a phase of your life, writing stays. You think you will never write another line - but here you are, writing shit after months of silence. Sometimes, the high is so amazing, it takes me to another dimension, to an in-between the real and the outer space where it’s just me dancing and crying between the worlds.

In short, authenticity is about giving yourself a permission. A permission to be as is. Permission to break the format of your blog, permission to sound a bit arrogant, permission to experiment and play. Permission to feel. I guess authenticity is screaming "I can." A scream of the soul. If you hear the art scream inside of you, only then it’s real.

Photo by Lacie Slezak on Unsplash

It may be the year of 2020, but some things never change: for centuries and up until this day, we have been perpetuating the myth of the Muse, an idea that we need to sit around and wait for inspiration.

I personally believe in the power of creative discipline over random and elusive inspiration bursts. I think that we can tame the Muse and make it come to us whenever we want to - but to achieve that, we need to learn to systematize creativity.

It sounds boring - but it doesn’t have to be! There are so many fun ways we can get ourselves into the creative mood. Today, I want to share some of my own creative routines and how I use these to keep my writing inspiration afloat - and while this post is written from a writer’s perspective, I hope it will be helpful for any creative professionals.

1. Set up a ritual which marks the start of your 'creative zone' time.
For me personally, starting is the biggest challenge - instead of starting a task, I often end up procrastinating on it. There can be many reasons why we choose to procrastinate, like busy schedules, lack of energy or inner emotional blocks that prevent us from expressing ourselves.

Setting up a ritual that marks the start of your 'creative time' does two things: 1) you know exactly when you start on your creative task which can help you mentally separate your creative time from any other tasks; 2) it can be a great way to smooth your way into the task.

My starting ritual is simple: I read for 20 - 30 minutes. But I don’t just read for the sake of it - this reading time serves a purpose to help me ease into my writing routine. I always go with a work of fiction for the starting ritual and during my reading time, I pay attention to the author’s style and techniques, and try to find inspiration in their work for my own projects. It’s imperative that the ritual you pick has something to do with the type of creative task you’re working on - just like in my case, reading books is closely connected to the writing process.

Another tip is to keep the starting ritual to 30 minutes maximum as the purpose of the ritual is to give you a headstart, not for it to become yet another distraction.

2. Divide your days of the week in three categories: creative days, active inspiration days and passive inspiration days.
Our brains are simple: they group everything into categories. So why not categorize creativity? This is how I organise my own days in a week to stay creatively motivated:

Creative days: These are the days to focus on your craft. In my case, I start with my reading ritual and then I start working on my writing projects. During my creative days, writing is my main priority. Basically, on these days, I am "creating".

Active inspiration days: Your art does not exist in a vacuum. You need to go after things that inspire you, do your research and expand your horizons to get fresh ideas, and this is what active inspiration days are for. On these days, you do your research, planning, reading, learning, mind-mapping and taking notes that you could later use for your creative projects.

Passive inspiration days: Creative work often revolves around solving a problem - and as counter-intuitive as it sounds, taking a break can help you arrive at a solution. Passive inspiration days are the days when you can hit a pause and let your subconscious run the things in the background while you get to have some well-deserved rest. It could be that one day in your week when you relax and try to put your projects out of your mind for a while, so that you can come back to them with a fresh outlook.

It’s up to you how many creative or active inspiration days you choose to have in your week - either way, dividing your days into categories can help your creativity and keep your inspiration going.

3. Get it all out to avoid creative block
Creative block starts from within - and that’s why when we want to get “unblocked”, we need to start from within too. Getting your emotions, feelings and thoughts out can help you discover the reason for creative block in the first place.

This process is different for everyone, but the purpose of it in the end should be to release whatever is holding you back and deal with it. For some people, it can involve writing down reflections in a diary, for others it can be freestyle drawing on the paper for a few minutes without giving it too much thought, or playing an instrument freestyle.

4. Read at least 4 articles/personal essays/memoirs or try something new every week.
Not only does learning new concepts and ideas give you inspiration for your creative projects, but it also helps you grow and improve in your creative practice. It doesn't matter how you learn about new ideas - whether you do it by reading books and articles, visiting new places or being involved in a hands-on experience as everyone's learning style is different.

One of the biggest challenges that many artists face is the the danger of becoming repetitive: when we don’t expand our horizons, we can become creatively stuck, recycling the same set of ideas over and over. Learning something new opens up a space for experimentation and the authentic spirit of creativity. As for myself, I find Medium to be a great resource to learn about topics that I have a very little idea about to get inspired.

If done right, you can make creativity work for you and not the other way around! Having a system and set creative routines can help you get ahead in your creative practice, and allow you to find your own way of defeating creative block and discover new inspiration.

Photo by Michael Uebler on Unsplash

Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic is an international crisis which is currently talking a toll on the global community, adversely affecting physical and mental health of many of us. Governments in all countries are taking measures to circumvent the effects of the virus, with the US, Australia and many European countries closing their borders and Italy going on a full-on country lock-down as well as the increasing burden on public healthcare in all nations all over the world.

In the midst of unprecedented times like this when we cannot control external circumstances, I believe that this is the time to look within ourselves and see how we can utilize our inner resources to survive in crisis.

One of our key internal resources is our innate ability to create.

In this post, I am going to share with you some strategies on how you can use creativity to stay resilient throughout the pandemic crisis.

1. Ask yourself what's important and dedicate your creative energy to your priorities.

There is a silver lining in every cloud. It’s during difficult times like this when we usually get the 'wake-up' call — an intense and sudden enlightenment, so to speak. When we are living in the period of stability, we often may lose sight of what matters as we get caught up into routines that absorb away our entire attention. But in crisis, there is no longer time for noise.

If you have any creative goals you’ve always wanted to pursue — the time is now. Not only will it give you a purpose and a reason not to see the world as bleak and hopeless, it’s your chance to finally turn your project idea into reality once you set your creative priorities straight.

2. Creativity in crisis is a shortcut to authenticity.

Have you ever heard of an expression that “A person's true nature is revealed at times of the greatest adversity”?

We may search for ourselves our entire lives, but it is the stressful and tough moments that truly define the character. As a creative, you could use this time to face the difficult questions you've been avoiding. You may give in to the anxiety and fear — or you may turn around and own it, rising above the discomfort and pain.

So, ask yourself some of these questions:

— Do you like the direction in your creative work or practice that you're heading in?
 — Is there anything you could change or bring to the surface to make your art more authentic and more like "you"?
 — Can you use the current situation to enhance your creativity? (i.e. if you are self-isolating at home, you could spend more time working on your craft).

One thing for sure is that you're now longer in your comfort zone due to the unpredictability of the current situation — but at the same time, now could be your chance for exponential growth and an opportunity to expand your horizons in your creative sphere.

3. Use this time to discover your 'creativity triggers'.

As the times of crisis are more likely to put us into a gloomy and depressed mood, it's a great chance to discover what 'creativity triggers' work for you to help you feel better. When I say 'creativity triggers', I refer to activities or everyday things that can help you get into the flow and make you more productive and efficient.

These are some of my 'creativity triggers':

• Listening to my favorite music artists and discovering new songs they made;
• Watching interviews with my favorite musicians (I’ve always been inspired by musicians' devotion to their craft. Do you know how much time they spend practicing every day?! It takes a tremendous amount of patience and dedication to do that!);
• Reading books;
• Planning - I plan like crazy. It helps me to relax (ironic, I know);
• Going for a walk and getting a cup of coffee to think (If you can’t do that because of lock-down restrictions, try to get out in a space with fresh air for a bit if you can);
• Talking to people I care about;
• Talking to new people and taking in new energies and fresh points of view;
• Learning about new ideas;

Make a list of your own ‘triggers’ and see how you can use those to fuel your creativity. Now not only is this a perfect time to retrospect a little — these 'creativity triggers' are usually things that bring us joy and it’s a simple way to feel happy even when nothing goes right.

4. Make creativity your weapon of choice.

Creativity is incredibly powerful and goes hand in hand with the idea of resistance and rebellion.

Artists often find their true purpose by contributing with their creative efforts to a social justice issue or by fighting for something that lies close to their heart.

You can also use creativity as a weapon to stand strong in the face of the adversity itself. Recently, in Italy, as the lock-down measures have been put in place, musicians have found a way to share their art and connect with their communities by performing on the balconies, so that the neighborhood could enjoy their music. It’s a perfect example of people uniting together, being brought by a creative energy and the will to connect through art, using creativity as a weapon to fight the crisis.

5. Stay compassionate towards yourself and others.

In difficult times, people can often focus on themselves too much and only think of their own needs. It’s really important to remember that in this situation, some members of community will end up worse off than others, such as elderly and vulnerable segments of our populations. Compassion is something that we need right now more than anything, especially more than self-interest.

If you have a chance to create something and share it with your communities or inner circles of your loved ones and close friends — right now there is going to be a great demand for your art. If you can make someone smile, or think, or do anything to take their mind off the stress they have been dealing with in the past few weeks — it’s going to make a big difference for them and it will matter a lot, even if it seems insignificant at first glance.

For many of us, the dawn of the new millennium has begun with setting New Year resolutions and goals to achieve by the end of this year. It’s the time when we decide to get more creative and pursue a new hobby like dancing, writing, playing an instrument and many other things. Unfortunately, more often than not, life gets in the way and the enthusiasm we’ve had in the beginning wears off. According to some studies, most people are likely to give up on their New Year Resolutions right before they get into mid-January.

I can attest to that: many times in the past, I have struggled to find time to be creative and often ended up falling back into my everyday routine which left bleeding my creativity dry. After many failed attempts, I have found some strategies that work for me and I want to share with you how you can stay on top of your creative goals and not give up all the way until January next year.

Identify and break it down

Even though a hobby is something many of us want to be spontaneous, it’s a good idea to have a plan in place, or at least a rough idea of what exactly you want to achieve. If you want to write more — what is that you want to write? Short stories, blog posts, poetry? If it’s an instrument — then, what do you want to play? Pop songs, rock music, classical music?

Once you have identified what you want to get out of your creative hustle, think how you can break it down into smaller goals and set strict deadlines. For example, challenge yourself to write 10 poems over the course of one month or learn to play five songs of your favorite band. Try to be realistic about what you can actually achieve to avoid setting impossible standards for yourself.

The reason why it helps to break down your goals into smaller milestones is because generic resolutions that sound something like ‘I want to write more this year’ or ‘I want to learn an instrument’ aren’t helpful. Actually, having a broad, ill-defined goals is a perfect way to set yourself up for a failure because:

a) generic resolutions are useless as they don’t give you any idea on what you’re actually supposed to do with them;

b) the less specific your goal is, the more overwhelming it appears to be which is why you are tempted to give up sooner.

The secret to staying motivated and keeping up with your creativity is small, continuous wins over a long period of time.

Get a habit tracker

Habit tracker is an awesome tool and it’s something you should definitely try out in 2020. This tool is a step up from an old-fashioned calendar: it helps you track the progress over time, measuring your performance over different periods of time. There are many versions of habit trackers and a handful of them are free as well. One of the habits I was able to improve using habit tracker was a reading habit. I set up a habit for myself to read at least 20 minutes a day and for every day when I completed the task, I would tick it off on the tracker board. I found it to be a good trick to help myself keep up the momentum as well as have a visual representation of how far I’ve come and my ongoing progress which proved to be incredibly motivating.

Learn more about the lives of famous people that truly inspire you

Sometimes, procrastination can hit hard and there is no escape from it. In that case, you might as well go ahead and procrastinate with a purpose.

I like to find stories of people that inspire me to be a better version of myself. I am personally inspired by singers, film directors and, of course, writers and what I like doing is finding their interviews where not only they talk about their success, but where they get personal and talk about their struggles and how they manage to find and maintain inspiration no matter what happens in their lives. It’s always helpful to know that someone has already been through the challenges I’m going through and found a way to overcome while staying true to their creative self.

Stephen King, for example. He is known for his incredible, mind-blowingly captivating novels as well as his famous tips for aspiring writers. Yet not many people know that for years he struggled with depression and addiction — he even claimed that he doesn’t remember writing one of his best works as at the time he was under the influence of drugs. Eventually, he managed to recover with the help of his family and close friends. Often, the media portrays celebrities as semi-gods that are constantly bathing in their fame and have it all, but at the end of the day, they are people just like us — and their real stories might give you hope and inspire you not to give up on your creative pursuit once it gets difficult.

Let go of perfection and let the first draft(s) suck

The expression ‘first draft’ or ‘first attempt’ in a sense implies that we are only allowed one mistake. But the thing is to get good at something, we should let ourselves fail — many, many times — and try not to judge ourselves for it. Creative process or learning a new skill is basically a process of repetitious failure. At one point, whatever you’re creating, you need to let go of your need to be perfect and learn to be okay with sucking. Whenever we put ourselves under pressure to be 100% perfect at everything we do, being creative no longer feels like fun and it kills our inspiration. Instead, tap into your curiosity and adopt a learner mindset.

Take breaks and reward yourself

It’s very hard to ride into the sunset of the creative flow on the will alone. The reality is, our brains will always try to outsmart us. Somehow, instead of sitting down and finishing the final draft of that sketch, we find ourselves cleaning the entire apartment and arranging DVDs in alphabetical order and whoops… we’ve just run out of time to work on what we love.

Trying to stay realistic and scheduling breaks and rewards helps and has been scientifically proven to work.

Finding time and motivation for a hobby or a side hustle is not easy. At the end of the day, it’s important to have compassion for yourself and stay positive about your progress no matter how small it seems.

Our ability to be creative can be impacted by so many factors that are outside of our control, such as our mood, levels of stress, events happening in our lives as well as the lives of people around us. Finding your own strategies to stay creative during your busy life takes time as well as trial and error. Hopefully, these tips will help you tame this mysterious beast motivation and keep it on your leash all the way until the end of 2020 before you get to make your new resolutions. Happy creating!

How Not to Give Up on Your Creative New Year Resolutions After January was originally published in Ascent Publication on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.