Have you set a book down, unmoved and off-hand
Only to find it riveting many moons later?
Does an idea that once felt archaic and pointless,
now shimmer with profound influence?

Perhaps absurdity has gained charm,
The unimaginable has earned belief,
Things and places sparse with meaning,
now seek to be in tune and harmonious.

Have you simply traded opinions?
Time contorting your truths yet again
Maybe you’ve become jaded or admiringly wiser
Mining deep biases to cultivate fresher tenets

Oh, but you’ve been fooled by the specters
The spirits of old ideas and encounters.
They want you to believe you’ve transformed,
When in secrecy, they’ve pursued your fantasies.

Supplanting thoughts with their ancient wisdom
Lurking with rejected stories at nightfall
Seducing time to be their ally,
So you can ‘chance’ upon evolved perspectives

The next time a jilted theory glitters like gold,
or a forgotten book keeps you up all night,
They’ve found you in the depths of your rumination,
Trust that the specters have changed your mind.

When you seek out axioms once unsought,
And unlikely places become cherished haunts
Know that their ghosts have been waiting in the shadows
So disembodied ideas can engulf you at the right place and time.

What inspired me to pen this poem?

Over the last year, I have experienced moments where books, ideologies, or views on life that didn’t resonate with me in the past unexpectedly seemed more appealing and relevant. When I started paying attention to how they then positively shaped my life, it felt almost eerily mystical. Like these ideas had followed me around, lingering patiently, until I was ready to embrace them.

The specters in my poem, although mischievous and enigmatic, are not the devilish kind. While they would prefer to take credit for their handiwork, they see the wisdom in letting us think that our revelations and eureka moments are our own.

While I wasn’t directly inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert’s Ted Talk, ‘Your Elusive Creative Genius’, this train of thought did lead me to listen to it again and I recall why I admire her artistry greatly.

I have talked to many peers and acquaintances about this serendipitous phenomenon, including the reading community I recently founded and we all agree that something magical is at play. Whether it’s our human psyche or something otherworldly is yet to be seen.

Hi! I’m Smriti, a product designer doing her best work at the intersection of design, technology, and well-being. Writing is my favorite form of creativity, and I share interesting stories about design and everyday life. If you found my musings interesting, here’s a big joyful thank you. 🙌

If you’d like to hear more from me, follow this page and leave me a comment about what resonated with you. I love hearing from all of you ✌🏼

Specters of Ideas Past was originally published in On the Seesaw on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Rituals have been an eminent part of human life throughout history. They define and describe us to signal to the world who we are and what we represent.

In a more poetic origin, rituals have been called the language of myths. The oldest cultures engaged in ritualistic behaviour to unite with their beliefs and with one another. In our modern world, this quality lives on.

We hold our rituals sacred for they give our lives meaning and purpose. Our ancestors found rituals crucial to maintaining society. Today, they serve as that and much more.

The way we greet the mornings, what we do before bedtime, the music that permeates our lives, the hobbies that fill our days, and the foods we choose to savour are all rituals that both ground us and offer immense abundance.

Don’t mistake routines for rituals. Routines are a series of habits that offer consistency, structure, and convenience to our lives. They are a construct born from our urgency to be productive and efficient. They are valuable but are not often treasured.

Rituals, on the other hand, are rooted in culture and embedded in tradition. Rituals are usually mindful acts that we revel in. Starting your day with coffee might be part of your routine but how you make it can be a ritual. Walking after lunch might be customary but walking with a companion could become a ritual. A ritual is often treasured.

The difference is in the sentiment and mindset behind it.

I delight in making my morning coffee. I recently bartered the nimble and brisk coffee maker, Aeropress, for a slow-paced barista-grade coffee machine. Given I lack the dexterous skills of a trained barista, I take my time to make my coffee, savoring every moment of the 5 minutes it takes me to grind, froth, and pour. And in doing so, I brought more ritual into my routine and epically, my coffee tastes more luscious now.

While routines can be rigid and mundane, rituals offer space for us to embrace our interests and be intentional. Routines are about getting things done but rituals invite you to be present.

As we’re still teetering on the precipice of New Year celebrations, I find myself still reflecting on my days. While I need and appreciate my routines, I want to welcome more rituals into my life.

This year, I choose more play, music, and slowness. And with that perspective, I can even bring more richness into my routines. It’s said that monks can turn even ordinary activities like eating or bathing into mindful rituals. Writers are known to indulge in the affluence of rituals to help with the sometimes trying task of writing. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that one of my favourite authors, Haruki Murakami, found swimming and running a way to mesmerise himself into a state of flow. He considers physical strength necessary for artistic sensitivity and has ritualised running to music.

So, what do you want in abundance this year?

Our ancestors believed in a kinship with the spirit world and manifested their beliefs through rituals. What lifts your spirits and emboldens your beliefs? What would you like to manifest in your life?

Make them the essence of your rituals.

Hi! I’m Smriti, a product designer doing her best work at the intersection of design, technology, and well-being. Writing is my favorite form of creativity, and I share interesting stories about design and everyday life. If you found my musings interesting, here’s a big joyful thank you. 🙌

If you’d like to hear more from me, follow this page and leave me a comment about what resonated with you. I love hearing from you ✌🏼

Historical references

1. Ritual; History and Society by Hans H. Penner
2. Totemism by Josef Haekel
3. The biological origins of rituals by Science Direct

Rituals, the sacred predecessor to routines. was originally published in On the Seesaw on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Although the title may seem elusive, I promise this is not a BuzzFeed quiz.

It is, in fact, more of a quizzical take on the popular adage, “Be a sponge, soak up everything you can”. And the many renditions of it.

You may have heard Jim Rohn’s version, “Be like a sponge with each new experience”, or Friedrich Nietzsche's romantic depiction, “One must learn to be a sponge if one wants to be loved by hearts that overflow”.

Maxims that carry wisdom in them when they glorify curiosity and the wonders around us. They are resounding in their suggestion to observe and listen. And as a kid, being a sponge is how you compose meaning in the world around you.

But as I grew up, I questioned its virality. Why does everyone hold this saying in such high regard?

In my experience, I was beginning to find that being a sponge wasn’t all that favourable. Soaking in every part of the world around me and embracing it within weighed me down at times. Every experience, every moment, every habit, every word exchanged, and every person encountered were absorbed. Even if just for a short while.

But I would burst through the seams desperate for a squeeze so I could let go of everything that wasn’t meant for me.

I needed a shift in how I navigated the world. So, I chose to embody a pasta strainer instead.

Experiencing things with curiosity but letting go of what doesn’t serve me. Choosing to only retain meaningful pastabilties.

When I get advice or feedback, I keep the “pasta” of it that I believe will transform circumstances for the better. I let my mind filter what is irrelevant to me or things I can’t change.

Starting a new job or learning a new skill, while exciting, can feel quite unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Being a sponge, although intended to be bountiful, makes the experience all the more overwhelming.
So I like to focus on a few things to learn first and let the others winnow away. And much like saving some pasta water to enhance your sauce later, I relegate to the side, elements to improve down the road.

Being a product designer for work, I see my whole process as akin to straining pasta. I embrace the ambiguity of the problem, let it boil and simmer in my head, discover more by separating the goodness from the chaos, and lend it meaning by untangling the spaghettininess of it all.

I love being curled up with a good book. I read every chance I get but not every book lights a fire in me or transports me to a magical world. Some fall flat. Viewing this hobby similar to straining pasta means that I can still savour the act of reading without feeling guilty about not finishing a book. I simply pick up another one.

For life in general, viewing it through the lens of a pasta strainer feels more natural. When I took the perspective of a sponge, I absorbed everything, even the negative energy, and that weighed me down. While we all experience challenges in life, we can filter them to hold onto the positive moments. Besides, a pasta strainer definitely sits higher than a sponge in the kitchen essentials hierarchy.

If a pasta strainer doesn’t tickle your fancy, call it whatever you want. A filter, a colander, a sieve, a sifter ( although you wouldn’t sound nearly as memorable ). But you can see how one can apply this mindset to anything in life. For me, it started with thinking about how I apply the feedback I receive at work but it quickly grew into a mantra for life.

You may be tiring of all the pasta puns, so here are my final words for pasta-terity. The next time someone suggests being a sponge, contest them gently and share with them the immense dynamism of the beloved pasta strainer.

Hi! I’m Smriti, a product designer doing her best work at the intersection of design, technology, and well-being. Writing is my favorite form of creativity, and I share interesting stories about design and everyday life. If you found my musings interesting, here’s a big joyful thank you. 🙌

If you’d like to hear more from me, follow this page and leave me a comment about what resonated with you. I love hearing from you ✌🏼

Think of the pastabilities if you just stopped sponging was originally published in On the Seesaw on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

You may have heard this parable before, “Life is like a seesaw”. It is often an affirmation in a self-help book, a moral to children’s stories, words painted on a psychologist’s wall, a reminder scribbled in a personal journal, or a flimsy promise etched on an Etsy mug. It means many things to many people and its gravitas changes over time.

To me, it’s simply the wondrous ebb and flow of life. The imperfections and whimsy of what it means to be human. It’s also the essence of play and curiosity. Sharing life with a childlike sense of joy whether you’re seeing or sawing.

Just like the seesaw, the swing is beloved for metaphors. We use ‘swing by’ and ‘in full swing’ in conversation to express our interaction with the world. The swing too, is a representation of how life meanders through valleys and peaks, and while we’re on the ride, we’re gripped with raw emotions.

In fact, everything on the playground is a befitting allegory for the wild ride that is life. The playground itself is alive with emotions. A kid afraid of monkey bars, but confronting it anyway. Friends laughing on the merry-go-round. Parents anxious about their children tumbling. Dogs chasing leaves in the wind.

How lively!

But life is also mundane. The many ordinary moments that make up our day are not what we would describe as vivacious. But there is spark even in the commonplace, like a colourful spoon to a child or a new book to an avid reader.

Every playful thing is a metaphor for life. And this new publication is my ode to all of that. As I bear witness to the ebb and flow of life, I will share my musings on its eccentricity and ideas that kindle my curiosity. These may be ordinary moments or extraordinary encounters. That remains to be seen.

This publication will mostly be feeling-based. That’s not to say that I won’t be doing my research or drawing from science. I will most certainly dig deeper into topics that pique my interest. But these essays will be driven by my own experience of the world around me.

So, if any of that sounds like your thing, give ‘On the Seesaw’ a follow. 💜

On seesaws, swings, and other playful things was originally published in On the Seesaw on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

If you’ve been following my writing, you probably notice a pattern by now. I have been captivated by the likes of joy, optimism, and courage. Or at least by the curvy quest for it.

Earlier, I wrote about my partner’s penchant for creative experiments in the kitchen and how it inspired me to make friends with failure. I have talked about joy being a metric for creativity and growth. And I have even explored the idea of choosing joy amongst the throng of productivity preaching. Even after traversing the topic from various perspectives, these ethereal human emotions still fascinate me.

My quest to understand their meaning in my life has certainly been a meandering adventure with a path that is unlikely to be completely conquered. Because can we ever be content with the joy we feel or the courage we have mustered?

In my case though, it’s not about finding contentment, but a search for abundance in tempestuous times. And in stormy seasons, I turn to writing.

The power of writing is immense. The very act of penning our musings onto paper (or digital paper) can give more clarity and shape to our thoughts. Visualising an idea or feeling in words or drawings gives us a fresh perspective and helps us be more objective. Getting thoughts out of our heads and onto another medium gives our minds the space to ponder.

Writing is an act of courage. It requires us to be naked with our emotions and allow them to flow unrestrained. Author Neil Gaiman once said “Write your story as it needs to be written. Write it honestly, and tell it as best you can. I’m not sure that there are any other rules. Not ones that matter.”

Life is wild, and when things get noisy, use Gaiman’s advice and write down your story earnestly. It will empower you to see things in a different light.

• Writing allows us to create a distance between us and our challenges, giving us the space to accept things for what they are. With acceptance, comes a sense of relief from the weight we’ve been burdening our minds with.
• In mindfulness, you’re taught to take the perspective of a witness or observer into your own life and give yourself the advice and compassion that you would give a loved one in the same situation. To me, writing about my life has been synonymous to being a witness.
• Words bring our innermost emotions to life and in doing so, we can perhaps see that the worry we’ve been carrying is not so serious after all.

When you write, you’re not just being brave and vulnerable with your deepest and darkest thoughts, but you can also welcome more optimism.

• When you’ve penned down your worries, you can now take a different perspective about the challenge. You can even be more optimistic about things to come.
• You can invite more joy into your life by writing down what you’re grateful for even though parts of your aren’t what you hoped they would be. And soon enough, you’ll realise that it’s just parts and not your whole life that is turbulent.
• And if you’re like me and enjoy writing, the act itself can energise you and give you the creative inspiration you need in dire moments.

Earlier I said that in stormy seasons, I turn to writing. That would be a lie. I write almost everday through changing periods, eras, and occasions. When life is wonderful, writing allows me to capture that joy and spark, and transform it into creativity. I can see that an idea that I have been toying with actually has potential. But writing when times are arduous is even more impactful.

Your writing can be shared with the world or reserved for your eyes only. Here are the many ways I write — maybe they can serve as inspiration for you.

• I write in my personal journal regularly. It has amazingly helped me become more self aware. The happy memoirs fill my cup with positivity and are preserved as reminders for when I need them. The more poignant ones help me cultivate compassion for myself.
• You can write here on Medium. Or anywhere, really! I find it almost cathartic to share my journey with other readers. This article is a great example in itself because as I am writing it, I am reminding myself to weather storms using the power of words.
• At times, I need something a little less structured. So, I doodle and write without a purpose in a book reserved for aimless wandering. Random ideas just scribbled onto paper until I run out of thoughts.

It can be intimidating to begin writing, so start small and don’t think too much. Committing your sentiments, worries, intentions, and goals to paper makes it more likely for you to understand them better and take action.

While journalists, authors, and creatives may have a talent for great writing, words are a privilege for everyone to play with. You don’t have to be writer, just be a tinkerer.

Hi! I’m Smriti, a product designer doing her best work at the intersection of design, technology, and well-being. Writing is my favorite form of creativity, and I share interesting stories about design and everyday life. If you’ve ever liked what I write, I just want to say a big joyful thank you. 🙌

If you liked it a lot, I’d appreciate it if you followed this page and left me a comment about what resonated with you. That helps me curate the best content for you. ✌🏼

The write way to embrace courage, joy, and optimism. was originally published in On the Seesaw on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

From a young age, people called me creative. From a purely prevailing point of view, you could say that it described me well. I painted, loved to dance, and I even played the violin. So when I ended up falling in love with design and pursuing it as a career, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone.

The creative life offers many freedoms and that can mean something different to everyone. To me, it was watching my imagination soar when solving problems or enjoying the many ways I could nurture my ideas into existence. And I even relish the profound nature of design that reaches beyond my job and creeps into other aspects of my life.

But as I reveled in the freedoms it offered, I also felt from time to time, that my own making would inhibit it. And I didn’t realise how or why until I met my partner and embarked on his culinary adventures.

My partner is not a chef but he loves to cook. It’s a way of creative expression for him. He doesn’t cook an elaborate meal each time, but more often than not, he experiments.

And as with experiments, you fail often and succeed at times.

Last week, my partner was trying his hand at homemade pizza. He was so thrilled to give it a go that we went shopping for near-professional pizza-making equipment and I was ecstatic to be along for the ride ( my excuse to shop for more exquisitely crafted kitchenware that I can’t resist buying but never use because it’s too beautiful ).

Back home, he made the dough from scratch, a simple combination of flour and yogurt, and blended together a creamy red sauce. He even had rebellious fun with the toppings.

His first attempt didn’t go as planned. The pizza was undercooked, and the self-raising flour was not the best idea. But he mulled over what he could change, tried a different mixture for the dough, and let it cook a bit longer this time.

The second pizza was better. And the third one was delicious! Truly a series of creative experiments.

I have been on many of his culinary adventures. And while everything isn’t a success, he’s never deterred to try again.

I’m sure his friendship with failure is a by-product of his life as a serial entrepreneur, but I’m not here to talk about his can-do attitude. What I find most interesting about his dalliance with cooking is that he is unapologetic when things don’t go as expected. He doesn’t fret or feel embarrassed when the pizza is undercooked, the potatoes au gratin is watery, or his Indian rendition of the pasta isn’t quite what he planned.

He owns it with confidence, learns from his mistakes, and moves on. And thanks to his brazen nature toward creativity, I continue to enjoy many delectable meals.

Watching him cook made me see creative exploration in a new light. To experiment and be truly creative, one must be unapologetic about failure.

And that’s what had been holding me back. When I failed an experiment, I would feel mildly distraught. And when others were involved, I would feel embarrassed at failing so publicly.

I realised that I had a vexing relationship with failure. Some of you reading this might also relate. Many of us fear failure so much that we end up playing life safe. And when you’re choosing a creative profession or desire to make something greater than yourself, failure will be inevitable.

In fact, that’s when we learn the most about ourselves and the world. Now, this isn’t brand new information, most of us comprehend this yet we fear taking risks. We are able to fathom why failure can propel you forward yet we shy away from embracing it.

My life experiences had somehow shaped me to be intimidated by downfalls. A lack of success wasn’t an option, and so until I met my partner and embarked on his creative escapades in the kitchen, I hadn’t even recognised my burgeoning disclination to take a chance.

I could now see what was curbing me from enjoying the freedoms of a creative life or being part of something greater than myself ( a dream I desired from a young age ). Design in its enlightened way, is a series of experiments. And to be an innovative designer, I had to set my trepidation free and embrace failure.

Take a second to reflect now. Does this sound familiar? If you look back at the last years, what pattern will you see? A trail of chances (that may or may not have panned out) or days that were precariously guarded (that no new opportunities arose).

I was somewhere in the middle — I took chances but only when there wasn’t much to lose. Creativity thrives on curiosity which in turn needs courage to come a full circle.

So here are 3 things I learned as I observed my partner brewing, broiling, and baking in the kitchen.

• Failure can taste bitter at first (literally in the case of culinary disasters) but it’s a lesson in disguise. The only true failure is inaction. It is guaranteed to keep you where you are or worse, set you back. I really like how Tony Fadell says it in his book, Build — “ Every step you take towards a goal, even if it’s a stumble moves you forward.”.
• To feel confident to take a risk, you must understand the ecosystem of the challenge. My partner doesn’t cook with a recipe, but he understands the chemistry of the ingredients well enough to break the rules.
• Not everyone embraces failure naturally but you can learn to become friends with it. I now rely on my partner to help me navigate the discomfort of a loss. Finding a professional mentor or a loved one to support you can be a good start.

It’s my turn to cook today, so I better get going. After writing this article, I do feel creatively charged and might just cook up a storm in the kitchen. I am organised though and will likely start with a plan of what I hope to finally plate. But I am excited to experiment and if I fail, that’s okay — there’s always takeaway. 🙃

Hi! I’m Smriti, a product designer doing her best work at the intersection of design, technology, and well-being. Writing is my favorite form of creativity, and I share interesting stories about design and everyday life. If you’ve ever liked what I write, I just want to say a big joyful thank you. 🙌

If you liked it a lot, I’d appreciate it if you followed this page and left me a comment about what resonated with you. That helps me curate the best content for you. ✌🏼

What I learned about creative courage and failures from watching my partner cook was originally published in Bootcamp on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Welcome to part II of the feedback series.

We’ll talk about the subtle art of giving great feedback and why it’s important to reflect before you share.

In my previous article, I talked about being on the receiving end of feedback and shared some strategies that have served me well. I reflected on the pervasive nature of feedback, hinting at how one invariably experiences it whether you’re experimenting with a new recipe or presenting your design pitch at work.

While it may seem like giving feedback is the easier end of the bargain, you might be surprised when you find yourself in that position. As a designer, it is an influential skill to have as part of your arsenal and is very much a craft that needs to be honed over time. I, for one, always found it hard to be straightforward and I know others who struggle with diplomacy. As you can imagine, there is a fine balance.

I’ll share some tips that I have learned over the years. For starters, sarcastic comments are always a bad idea.

Why are you offering feedback?

Even before you decide to volunteer feedback, think about why you wish to do it. If you genuinely want to help, that’s the best reason to proactively offer your sage advice. But if you’re looking to vent, appease your own agenda, or bully someone because you dislike them, then that is not acceptable.

If you’re on giving end of feedback, delivering it with respect and good intentions is essential.

Focus on the subject, not the person.

Make it about the action, situation, or project rather than the person. This can make your feedback more valuable and make the listener feel comfortable and receptive to it. Here’s an example:

✂️ Not-so-good response:
“You didn’t give enough thought to the design direction. You have not addressed all aspects of the challenge.”

💚 Good response:
“The design direction needs more thought. The solution feels like it doesn’t address all aspects of the challenge.”

A small change in language can have a significant impact.

The first response feels like a judgment on the person’s capabilities and can make them feel dejected for failing. The second response makes it feel like an opportunity for improvement and conveys that it’s not about the person but about this particular idea they’ve presented.

By being thoughtful with your response, you’re recognizing that the individual may be talented but just needs some advice in this instance. After all, everyone is always learning.

Even if your feedback is about a person’s behaviour, pay attention to how you phrase it.

Make it tangible. Ambiguity is never helpful.

Feedback is only ever useful when you can articulate it well. So before you share your thoughts, make sure to reflect on what you want to say and how well you can elucidate it.

Get to the point.

To make my feedback useful, I employ the following 3 steps ( Courtesy of a design colleague, and I still swear by them).

1. State an observation
2. Share a feeling you had
3. Offer a new perspective or suggestion

Let’s expand on that example of a good response we saw earlier.

“The design direction needs more thought. The solution feels like it doesn’t address all aspects of the challenge. Imagining myself as a user, I expected the experience to help me achieve {goal X} faster. I think if you tried {approach Y), you might have more success.”

When you use this technique in real life, you will have to augment that example with more details, but I hope you get this gist.

Be candid

You may have heard about the newish book on Netflix’s culture titled, No Rules Rules: Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention. Co-founder, Reed Hastings, talks about how being candid is one of the cornerstones of their continued success and how they attract unique talent.

While some of the stories in the book seemed like they may not work for everyone, I certainly appreciated the value of being forthright with feedback.

My favorite takeaway from their book is that the best feedback is one that is timely. Offering your thoughts when there is still a chance for the receiver to alter the situation is way more valuable than feedback that comes in the aftermath.

And when you volunteer it, be frank but thoughtful. The book calls it “Say what you really think, but with positive intent.

Celebrate the positives equally

Giving feedback doesn't always equate to advice on betterment. If you see a colleague doing a stellar job, share some well-earned compliments. Elucidate what you loved about their recent performance and if you learned something new, let them know!

If you see a colleague working hard on previous feedback and making strides toward improvement, show them that you notice their progress.

And if you are giving critical feedback, it’s always favourable to start with the positives. Tell them what you liked about their project or behaviour before delving into the difficult talk.

That’s all the feedback I have around feedback! If you do try any of these techniques, let me know what you think. And if you have tips of your own, share them in the comments. ✌🏼

Hi! I’m Smriti, a product designer doing her best work at the intersection of design, technology, and well-being. Writing is my favorite form of creativity, and I share interesting stories about design and everyday life. If you’ve ever liked what I write, I just want to say a big joyful thank you. 🙌

If you liked it a lot, I’d appreciate it if you followed this page and left me a comment about what resonated with you. That helps me curate the best content for you. ✌🏼

TGIF: Thank God, it’s feedback was originally published in Bootcamp on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Feedback is omnipresent. Our every interaction with the world receives a response.

When you’re trying out a new recipe for dinner, your family gives you feedback through ‘mmmm’s and second serves or by claiming they’re not very hungry today.

Your friend may drop hints about your new hairstyle by asking about your hairdresser and the tone is enough to give the intention away.

Or your colleague might share thoughts on what went well and didn’t go as well in a recent project.

Now, how you handle feedback in your personal life is a knack that you know best. But as designers, how we take feedback at work is critical to our success. Whether it’s suggestions for your project, observations on your working style, advice about your communication, or compliments about your research methods — managing that tactfully is an art everyone must master.

From time to time, the see-saw will vacillate and you will be the one offering feedback. It’s just as important to be thoughtful of how you go about it. I’ll be talking about giving feedback in part 2 of this series, so watch out for that. 🙃

Today, I’d like to share with you a few lessons I have mustered over the years about taking feedback. And to help exemplify them, I have invited a few friends along for the journey ( wink wink ).

( Okay, if you’ve watched the popular American sitcom, Friends, you would have surely picked up on that joke. If you haven’t, that’s perfectly fine. Read on for tips, tricks, and random memes. )

The art of receiving feedback

Get excited about it!

Feedback can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it’s reassuring and exciting when the feedback is positive. On the other hand, it can be discouraging or even unsettling when the feedback isn’t… so positive.

The “hard to hear” types of feedback can make us feel anxious. And that’s for a good reason. Our brains are wired to react more strongly to negative experiences than to positive ones. When we hear negative feedback, our brains illicit the same flight or fight response when we experience danger.

Right about now, you’re probably nodding your head and thinking “ How am I supposed to get excited about it then?”

Most of us react to well-intentioned but critical feedback that way. We know it’s good for us, so we accept it as charmingly as possible. But it does leave us feeling hurt. ( Like eating kale 🥬 . Does anyone relate? ).

Now getting excited by feedback doesn’t mean we ignore the feelings of hurt. It means that we can change how we react after the initial surprise. Not just accept it with grace, but welcome it with energy

Critical feedback, albeit difficult, matters to our growth.

When you think of critical feedback as something disruptive or offensive, that’s exactly what it will become for you. If you’ve watched Friends, you would surely be impressed by Phoebe’s attitude to see the silver lining in everything! That’s the idea here — open your mind to the idea that feedback can help you and you are more likely to benefit from it, not be bogged down by it.

How quickly can you get over that first sting and welcome it with the right energy?

Assume positive intent

When someone is being candid with critical feedback, it’s easy to take it personally and feel very wounded.

But most people offer feedback to help you grow, improve a situation, or just offer a different perspective. Even the ones who may adopt a ‘matter-of-fact’ persona when giving feedback don’t mean to be malicious.

When you assume positive intent from them, you open up space for a fruitful conversation.

Of course, there are some people who might be intentionally bullying you and that is never acceptable. You can take Ross’ approach and nip it in the bud or stand up to that in your own way. And such petty comments will stick out from the thoughtful feedback.

Listen first, reflect second, and react later

When you receive feedback, it’s fairly natural for your instincts to kick in to respond and justify your actions or decisions. And that first impulsive response is rarely meaningful. Like Chandler in every difficult conversation, you might be uncomfortable, but resist the urge to react immediately.

By doing that, you may quickly dismiss constructive feedback that could have been an opportunity for impactful change. Or you may come across as someone who doesn’t possess a growth mindset and your peers may fear that you’re not a team player.

So every time you’re on the receiving end, try these 3 steps.

1. Listen without interrupting the other person.
2. When they’re finished, ask follow-up questions to clarify anything you were unsure of. If the feedback is predominately vague, ask for an example. This will help the giver think more intentionally about what they’ve just shared and give you something tangible to work with.
3. Take a few moments to reflect before responding. If you’re not confident about how to respond, thank them for the feedback, and let them know that you will come back with an answer OR more questions in a few hours/days.

Sometimes the feedback may not be difficult, but just a completely new and unfamiliar perspective. Either way, take a page from Joey’s books and let them know that you need time and space to digest the feedback and respond in a purposeful manner.

This one took me a LOT of practice and reflection, but eventually, it became easier to imbibe this into my communications. So don’t fret if you don’t get it right immediately.

Take only what makes sense for you.

Now, this is one of the important strategies when it comes to feedback. While we said that most people mean well, it doesn’t mean that you must act on their feedback. Maybe it’s not relevant to you or the project, or you decided to pursue a different direction. And that’s completely okay!

As long as you’ve listened and reflected on their feedback, you can choose to do nothing with it. So don’t feel obligated to see every piece of advice through. Take only what appeals to you and apply that.

Sounds counter-intuitive, but learning to filter out the feedback is a key skill to actually benefitting from it.

A wise someone once told me and I’m paraphrasing crudely, “It’s not always smart to be a sponge, many times you need to be a sieve.” So sieve through the plethora of feedback when deciding what to do with it.

You don’t need to be a lone wolf

After you’ve sieved through the feedback, you’d probably think about how to amend or polish the ones that need your attention. Here’s the secret— you don’t need to do this alone.

If you have a mentor, share it with them. It’s very likely that they’ve encountered this in the past and will have some great stories for you. If there’s a colleague you trust, ask them how they’d worked on it. They might have some surprising insights.

If you don’t have the opportunity to do either, you can go back to the person who shared the feedback in the first place and have an open conversation with them. You might feel like you want to avoid the person who gave you critical feedback, but this may be an opportunity to bolster that relationship. If you do take this route, I would suggest keeping an ongoing dialogue flowing and talking openly about your progress. You never know, your critic could become your champion as they see you work on yourself.

A little like Monica becoming Rachael’s champion as Rachael navigated her first job.

Celebrate your wins

Remember when we said that our brains are wired to react more strongly to negative experiences than to positive ones? That’s why, for many of us, it’s easier to move on from a win than from a setback.

And that’s a big reason why we should pause and celebrate our victories. One of the consequences of the growth mindset is that we tend to largely reflect on the areas of improvement, and the wins just slip under the radar.

And if you’re anything like me, that can you make feel anxious and lose sight of how far you’ve come.

One of the strategies that I have recently started employing is keeping a celebration deck. It’s a simple Google document and I use this to record achievements, appreciation from colleagues, and other evidence of my successes. Not only does it serve as a nice reminder of my impact but also helps me have better conversations with my manager during performance reviews.

So, mark your achievements, small or big, in your own way. Joey and Rachael seem to think that Mexican beverages might be a good way to celebrate 😉.

And the next time you receive feedback of any kind, I hope you exclaim, “TGIF, Thank God it’s feedback”. 🤩

Coming soon — How to give feedback in a meaningful way!

Hi! I’m Smriti, a product designer doing her best work at the intersection of design, technology, and well-being. Writing is my favorite form of creativity, and I share interesting stories about design and everyday life. If you’ve ever liked what I write, I just want to say a big joyful thank you. 🙌

If you liked it a lot, I’d appreciate it if you followed this page and left me a comment about what resonated with you. That helps me curate the best content for you. ✌🏼

TGIF: Thank God, it’s feedback was originally published in Bootcamp on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

Design is a team sport. But you’re not just playing with your design peers, you’re also engaging with product managers, software developers, researchers, customer advocates, business analysts, and more. But unlike a real game, you’re all on the same team, and there’s no rival. There is a prize though, and that is happy customers and more $$$.

Amongst these many partners, product managers are one of your closest collaborators. Allies who work together from the beginning of a project to realise a shared vision. What each of you brings to the table is a different set of goals, beliefs, and skills, and through the wondrous process of product development, these varied ideals duel and concur into a mutual slam-dunk. 🏀

And that’s why it’s imperative to foster a good working relationship with your product partners. And it’s especially important how you kick off your projects, so we’ll focus on the beginnings.

A good beginning empowers the middle, the end, and all the I-don’t-know-where-this-is-going squiggly parts in between. 🖖

Finding good alignment with your product manager early on will get the ball rolling in the right direction and set you and the project up for success. It’s also the best time to establish expectations.

If you haven’t found agreement, in the beginning, you risk losing time and resources because you’ll inevitability end up expending more time, effort ( and sanity ) later in the process making up for the misalignment. And all that has bearing on the outcome.

So how do you kick off a project favourably?

Through good conversations.

And what makes a conversation good?

Asking thoughtful questions.

Good questions help you uncover the different facets of the project and make sure you and your product manager are playing in the same league. You want to have the curiosity of a child who has questions about everything they encounter and “why” is the most common expression in their lexicon. You’re not likely as cute as a kid, so just try to be pithy with your questions. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But before we jump into examples of good questions, we must pause and consider the bigger picture surrounding such work relationships.

The big picture

Assume good intent

The hardest part about working with any stakeholder is managing different opinions, strategies, and ideas. And these contrasting beliefs can cause conflict.

When there is conflict to any degree, it helps to remember that you’re both working towards a shared goal. Varying opinions are natural because people have different ambitions, motivations, life experiences, and principles. And in the designer-product manager duo, different points of view are fairly imminent. But assuming that they mean well, even when the feedback isn’t tasteful, will go a long way in improving collaboration and ultimately guiding the project to a win. 🙃

Invest in building relationships

This is one of those simple strategies that sounds like a cliché, but in actuality is very powerful. In the upcoming paragraphs, we’ll talk about having fruitful conversations with product managers. But underneath all that work talk are two people with very real lives.

Engaging in interactions outside of projects helps you build rapport. It gives you an insight into who they are without the product manager hat, and what drives them. You show them a little bit of your sparkly self too. It forges strong relationships, builds trust, and ultimately helps you be better partners when work or life throws one too many curveballs.

You might even find out that you support the same team. When you show up groggy for an early morning meeting because you were up at 2 am watching the football World Cup final, they are happy to make you an extra cup of coffee. ☕️

Okay with all that Yoda-like wisdom out of the way, let’s get inquisitive!

Ask thoughtful questions

Finding alignment and nudging the project together in the same direction is all about learning as much as you can about the project and your product manager as quickly as you can. You may be tempted to hit the ground running but educating yourself first is key.

Think of it like a game. You first get to know your teammate, then get the ball rolling, and then raise the bar.

Get to know your teammate

Remember how we said people have different opinions and approaches? It’s best to start there. Talk to your product manager about their working styles and how they like to collaborate.

How do they see Product and Design working together?

Do they prefer brainstorming in person or going at it async on Miro?

When and how do they like to include engineering in the conversation?

When is the best time to meet? Mornings or afternoons?

How much do they understand the design process?

Do they have pets?

You may think the last one may be irrelevant to work, but it lets you know if any cute furballs will be making guest appearances on zoom. And that’s really the point of meetings anyway, isn’t it? 🐶

It’s also good to gauge how much your product manager understands the design process. If they have a good grasp of it, they will work with you to set realistic deadlines for projects and give you the space to perform your magic. ✨

If you’ve built a good relationship with your product manager already, you won’t need to have this conversation before every project. But it certainly helps the first few times. And if you work with different stakeholders for each project, then this becomes especially paramount.

These questions guide both of you to devise the best way to work with each other to pull off a successful win, and perhaps even have fun at the same time.

Get the ball rolling

Start with some general questions to unpack the project’s ecosystem. If your product manager is on their A-game, you’ll likely have a one-pager to peruse. As a designer, it is imperative that you consume this with curiosity. One-pagers or product requirements are not irrefutable guides that you must run with. They are opportunities for you and your product manager to shape the future of the project, so don’t hesitate to question. 🙋🏻‍♀️

Here are some examples of good questions that can help you find alignment. But remember, the idea is not to seek all of the answers from your product managers, but rather present questions for you to explore together.

What is the problem we’re trying to solve?

What is the scope of the project?

What are some restrictions or constraints we need to consider?

Who would our other stakeholders be?

Does the project have an impact on other teams?

Do you have any ideas in mind?

How do we define the success of the project?

Any terminology we need to align on?

While your product manager may be able to shed light on many aspects, treat the exercise collaboratively.

Raise the bar

Once you’ve kicked off the project, and found agreement on some of the questions above, you’re likely to jump into doing design discovery. It’s still a ripe time to ensure you’re both on the same page. 📜

Find focus times with your product manager to raise the bar and have deeper conversations about the product or feature. While the whole purpose of discovery is to probe into the problem and unearth customer challenges and use cases, you will be doing yourself a favour by commencing with some foresighted questions. I typically invite the following questions at the dawn of discovery.

What does the current process look like? Why was it built this way? ( for existing features )

What data and research do we currently have that we can leverage?

What informative or exploratory research do we need to do?

Who are the right people we should be talking to right now?

This project is heavy on the engineering side. When is the dev team ready to get involved in discovery?

I let the discovery process do most of the excavation, but I prepare myself for the best outcome by collaborating with my product manager on the key questions that we’d like to uncover as we keep digging. They include questions like the ones above and some more around current knowledge gaps we’d like to address.

So there we go. That’s my way of ensuring I find alignment with my closest collaborator early on and lead the project feeling more informed and confident. These strategies aren’t a slam dunk every time. I have to innovate as I encounter new challenges, but they act as a good guide for me to begin with.

As I sign off, here’s what I always say. Read strategies that others use, but make them your own. They won’t work for you unless they work for you. 😉

And remember, when using childlike curiosity, also invite adult-like pragmatism to the conversation.

Hi! I’m Smriti, a product designer doing her best work at the intersection of design, technology, and well-being. Writing is my favorite form of creativity, and I share interesting stories about design and everyday life. If you’ve ever liked what I write, I just want to say a big joyful thank you. 🙌

If you liked it a lot, I’d appreciate it if you followed this page and left me a comment about what resonated with you. That helps me curate the best content for you. ✌🏼

How to align with your product manager from day one was originally published in Bootcamp on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

The dawn of the new year feels like a time of renewal. One where we’re eager to welcome new beginnings and experiences in our lives, and so we set voracious goals and milestones to help us achieve them. I, for one, believe that time is ripe for new beginnings anytime you wish it to be, and not just at the precipice of the next year. But even I can’t deny the feelings of promise, inspiration, and thoughtful reflection it arouses in each one of us. Truly a festive season.

The advent of the new year is also a time for poets, pioneers, and preachers to share a few brazen words about the time to come. I love the beautiful ballads of the poets and the futuristic visions of the pioneers. They fill me with the same festive feelings of fervour. But the babble of some preachers? Not so much.

I don’t mean the elders at your place of worship ( no religious rant here ), but the life coaches and thought leaders on the internet who preach ways of life that are guaranteed to exalt you to success. You know the ones I’m talking about.

Naturally, not all coaches and thought leaders are all bad. Many share meaningful ideas and wisdom that resonate deeply with a lot of us. The infamous Simon Sinek’s notions on optimism are a personal example. You may also have leaders whose work you admire and follow.

But at times, I come across posts on social media that are littered with opinions and suggestions that leave me perplexed. As an example, I came across the following post on LinkedIn last week on “How to reclaim 40 hours a week”.

To be fair, the author does offer a handful of useful tips on focused work ( no. 3 on the image above which suggests using airplane mode on your phone), avoiding long meetings, and others I haven’t shared here. But many of the productivity hacks honestly seemed dismal ☹️. To me, they sounded like rejecting and purging the little pleasures of our life.

Our drive for hyper-productivity is denying us of joy and creativity.

At one point, the author says and I quote “Feed your passion, not your feelings” and suggests meal replacement shakes or eating the same meals every day. I believe the author borrowed the “don’t feed your feelings” parable from dietetics literature on junk eating, but his intention was really a hit and a miss. While I can certainly appreciate grocery deliveries, not all of us want to reclaim an hour of cooking a nice meal for ourselves and our families.

My partner has a penchant for creative experiments in the kitchen and his secret sauce is to never use recipes. He usually opens the pantry and fridge, picks out a couple of items he wants to use, and begins experimenting. He understands the basic chemistry between each ingredient and explores different ways to bake, braise, broil, and sometimes burn. Like with every creative process, there are days when the experiments flounder, but most often the outcome is unusual and delicious.

It gives him space to play and sparks joy for both of us as we enjoy a nice meal together. Sure, parting with this can free up a few hours every week but we will also be bidding adieu to something that delights us.

The author also suggests cancelling your Netflix subscription and wearing the same clothes every day. Too much TV is agreeably not the best way to spend one’s time, but there are enthralling works of great storytelling that entertain us and expand our horizons. Today, there are new documentaries releasing every day that teach us something new about culture, science, history, and every other topic under the sun. Rather than cancelling our Netflix subscription, we should aim to create a balance in our lives that allows us to be both productive and entertained. Even the much-adored president, Barack Obama makes time for entertainment and shares an annual list of his favourite movies, songs, and books. ( And his music choices are lit 🔥)

And I, for one, will not be wearing the same clothes every day. I see clothes as a creative expression of my personality, and I won’t give that up. A more considerate suggestion is the second one he offers — to be organised and thoughtful with your wardrobe.

My intent here is not to blemish everything this author says. I actually like some of their content, and this is just one example of the many such posts. I have seen other suggestions around simplifying trivial decisions like what to eat for breakfast or how to start your day for peak performance. I recognise the worth of routines and do follow one myself, but I would argue that breakfast isn’t a trivial decision. It may be easier and less significant than some high-pressure decisions you make have to make in life, but what you eat contributes to good health and your energy for the day.

This may be a controversial or less popular opinion, but our quest for productivity is leading us to photoshop every aspect of our lives to the end where we are erasing the moments that offer joy and creative exploration. Doing nothing, being entertained, or something else that evokes a sense of play is seen as counter-productive. How did we get here?

Maybe cooking or fashioning your outfits doesn’t resound with you. So, what’s your version of play that you’ve been told to optimise?

Listen to your podcasts at 2x speed so you can get more done? Or perhaps you fancy gardening, but the productivity gurus have you convinced that hiring a gardener will give you more time back to do something “better”.

It’s “wisdom” like this that perturbs me. We’re told that things like working or exercising are productive but cooking, gardening, your morning routine, or picking out clothes isn’t and therefore it’s not worth our time. But it’s these daily or weekly activities that add a glimmer of joy and creative expression to our lives. At the least, it offers space for the mind to relax and wander.

Thanks to a plethora of research, it is widely known that creative acts promote positive moods and our well-being. This one study by University of Otago researcher, Tamlin Conner and two American researchers surveyed around 650 young adults who journaled their daily activities and emotions for 13 days. After extensive analysis, the study concluded that small acts of creativity every day could help us flourish and improve our overall sense of well-being.

Despite there being scientific evidence on why we should slow down, and engage in play that boosts joy, we still continue to engineer our lives so we can do more and more. And we seem to connote productivity to only things that make us money like working or ideas that are socially accepted to be worth our time like exercising. In one of my favourite Ted Talks, journalist and entrepreneur Manoush Zomorodi talks about how our brain sparks creative ideas when we’re doing daily activities like laundry, washing dishes, or even simply doing nothing.

Productivity is misunderstood.

And when I say slow down, I don’t mean do fewer things or de-prioritise fruitful work. What we need is a healthy balance between focused work and the every day joyful pursuits. If cooking is not for you, by all means, find ways to simplify or outsource it. If you truly enjoy the process, welcome it into your lives with open arms. Joy piles up, and little by little, the world will be a happier place.

This new year, instead of relinquishing the little pleasures to save time, I hope you make time for joy and creativity. Choose the activities that delight you, and streamline the ones that don’t. Doing something you like can also mean spending your time productively. And sometimes, doing nothing is exactly what your mind and body need. And if you do follow life coaches and leaders ( the thoughtful ones are truly amazing ), I hope you choose the company of ones who impart ideas that promote well-being and talk about success in a realistic, positive light.

Here’s to a jubilant and sparkly 2023.

Hi! I’m Smriti, a product designer doing her best work at the intersection of design, technology, and well-being. Writing is my favorite form of creativity, and I share interesting stories about design and everyday life. If you’ve ever liked what I write, I just want to say a big joyful thank you :). ✌🏼

Productivity is misunderstood and joy is overlooked. was originally published in Bootcamp on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.