Soul Stories
Amsterdam
A tale about Amsterdam’s inescapable charm.
I left my heart in Amsterdam,
Where I could dream and nights were long.Anon
Amsterdam. The Venice of Northern Europe. At its heart, the most beautiful, soulful canals in the world. The place where football isn’t so much a sport, as much as it is an art. The balletic, mesmeric pirouettes of Ajax’s legendary Johan Cruijff and Frenkie de Jong mimicking the brushstrokes of artists as timeless as Vincent Van Gogh and Rembrandt.
The inescapable sound of bicycles, tourists and the feint, transient hum of trams envelop the city, sometimes masking its true beauty. Whilst it might have changed over the years, it has maintained an unrestrained sense of freedom and moreover, liberty. Amsterdam, after all, is the birthplace of modern-day liberalism.
For me, it was the city that played host to my heart over four long years. It was my source of comfort, hope, love and joy. There are some places which you grow to have an inescapable attachment to and Amsterdam undoubtedly became an intrinsic part of my soul.
As a child, Amsterdam was the only major European city that fascinated me. The mix of traditional Calvinist Protestantism infused with with liberal ideologies, made for fascinating viewing from the staunchly conservative and steadfastly Anglican city of London. I promised myself that one day, I would live the dream in Amsterdam.
My love affair with Amsterdam began in 2008. It was rekindled in 2015. It became a true, tangible reality one year later …
2016.
September. The dream became a reality. Five days after my 30th birthday, with my suitcases filled to the brim, I made the short but significant journey across the English channel to the Dutch Capital. Little did I know then, of the incontrovertibly beautiful impression that Amsterdam would have on me.
That year, the Summer lasted well into late September, early October and the hazy sunshine, gifted Amsterdam with an un-seasonal warmth. With the sun dancing on my back, I used my first month to give in to my inquisitiveness.
Like a kid in candy shop, I gleefully frequented Amsterdam’s many world class museums — The Rijksmuseum, The Stedelijk, FOAM, Moco Museum, Museum Van Loon, The Hermitage, The Anne Frank House, The Westerkerk, The Nieuwe Kerk — and absorbed Dutch history and culture with joyful appreciation.
In the Jordaan, along the Prinsengracht, the smell of Bier, Stroopwaffels, Bitterballen, Frikkandel and other Dutch delights would waft through the air, providing me with a gastronomic serenade as I strolled the cobbled streets.
Yet, the inescapable cacophony of tourists pulverised my ears, as I approached the Dam, Spui, Rokin and Centraal Station. The loud hubbub of tourists continued and rose to an almighty crescendo near De Wallen, Oudezijds Voorburgwal and the Oude Kerk— the medieval heart of the old city.
The oldest areas of the city are also home to a stream of twinkling red lights; the Red Light District, perhaps Amsterdam’s most infamous claim to fame, has been open for business since the early 1600’s and remains a feature of Europe’s most liberal city.
To escape the seedy, sordid streets of Oudezijds Voorburgwal, you only need to walk in the direction of the Spui, and head towards the magnificent bookshops which adorn its streets. There you’ll find The American Book Center, a charming and quaint bookstore housing a plethora of books from all over the world … and just behind it, in a walled-off, seemingly insignificant part of the city, lies a secret garden.
The Begijnhof is simply stunning. Beautiful and tranquil, it is a true oasis of calm, in the hustling, bustling centre of the old city. Home to the oldest house in Amsterdam — the wooden house (Houten Huys) — dating back from 1420, it is a true sanctified sanctuary away from the wafts of weed, fast food and alcohol. Sheltered from the trials and tribulations of the outside world, I often found myself here, soulfully contemplating life.
The first year in Amsterdam had been an absolute joy; unperturbed bliss. However, I had unfinished business in London … a volatile, combustible chemistry which had sparkled into a mood for love.
2017–2018.
A long-distance relationship, whilst fiery, tempestuous and testing, had in many ways, come to define me. Later, it would lead me down the path to paranoia, frustration, and ultimately, heartache and heartbreak. The trials and tribulations of a terrible relationship, coupled with an awful job, resulted in a burnout. I took myself away to the one place that I knew would calm my soul, Sri Lanka (more on that another time).
The years had passed in the blink of an eye. With the end of any and every relationship comes a period of introspection and ultimately growth. We don’t ever move on from our respective partners, we just learn to accept and live with the fact, that they’re no longer a part of our lives.
In truth, spending time away from the city had re-invigorated my soul. Perspectives had changed. I was no longer trapped in a loveless relationship. I was, for the first time in a long time, single … and life as a singleton in Amsterdam was quite simply, exhilarating!
2019.
They say a good accent takes you to unexpected places. Well, it’s fair to say that my British accent travelled a long way in Amsterdam. Maybe it was my classically British charm, the intonation, the inflection, perhaps it was my attitude. Whatever it was, whenever I spoke, eyes fluttered, mouths stood agape, and electricity would inevitably fill the air. I soon became familiar with intoxicatingly charming and beautiful souls from around the world including The Netherlands, Albania, England, Portugal and Japan to name a few.
Some experiences were breathless to begin with, yet disintegrated into charmless, empty shells when their souls harboured secrets that revealed dark, self-destructive characteristics. Other experiences were quite simply mind-blowing … magical, beautiful, ethereal and undeniably memorable. Love, after all, should be consumed joyfully, while we’re young.
Amsterdam molded, honed and shaped my idea and experience of love. It is here, in this city, that I discovered that love is a quality, not something to do with somebody else. Love is the way you are. It is and always should be unconditional, for if you view love as conditional, then you’re simply fulfilling certain needs. You need not be in love with someone, you could simply be in love with life itself.
All good dreams however, eventually come to an end. Fate and destiny— once again — collided and colluded to bring to an end my lifelong dream. Melancholia gripped my soul and tears pricked my eyes. Amsterdam had given me so much joy. It had undoubtedly changed my worldview and provided me with fresh perspectives on life, love and everything else in between. To the city of Amsterdam … mijn hart blijft bij jou.
I lived and loved the dream.
Dankejewel.
No journey to a new land is ever complete, without colourful characters to pepper the tale and in Amsterdam, there lay in wait a whole cornucopia of unforgettable people and personalities. Their tales, their stories, their lives, would cross paths and intertwine with mine, and the friendships that were made will undoubtedly last a lifetime.
Irma Groen — I can’t talk about Amsterdam without mentioning my Dutch BFF, Irma Groen, who I’ve known for more than 10 years. She was the first face I saw when I came to Amsterdam and also one of the last. In times of toil, trial and tribulation, she held up a mirror and made me realise the errors of my ways. She, more than anyone else, comforted my mind, body and soul, during my breakup and burnout. She was immeasurably kind, generous and forgiving. Irma, your strength, courage and indefatigable conviction are a true testament to your heart and spirit. Whatever troubles (most of which are my own doing!) our friendship encounters, I hope that it lasts a lifetime.
Kristy Heiligenberg — From a 10 year friendship, to the beautiful soul whom I knew for just over two weeks and who happens to be the magnetic inspiration behind While We’re Young. From that first meeting at the Amsterdam Language Cafe, to that wonderfully crazy house party, my final two weeks in Amsterdam were truly memorable, thanks in a large part to you. In truth, we perhaps didn’t say goodbye to each other on the right note, nevertheless, your boundless energy, charismatic soul, and ethereal beauty remain unforgettable. Until we meet again, in this lifetime or the next.
Romana Buitendijk — From that first exhilarating meeting at Lotti’s, to that (and let’s be honest), awkward, horrible exchange at Coffee & Coconuts — largely down to my idiotic behaviour — you won’t be forgotten easily. I’m eternally grateful to you for introducing Inner Engineering by Sadhguru to me. What a truly trans-formative, inspirational book. The vulnerabilities which I finally accepted, along with the lessons that I have learnt and applied to my life, have resulted in positive changes; and are in a large part because of that book, which in essence, all stems from meeting you. And as you can see, words just don’t do you justice. They simply can’t quite describe your impact. You are a truly beautiful, mesmerising, once-in-a-lifetime soul. Perhaps one day we can truly reconnect, watch the sparks fly, and let magic happen. Stay strong.
Remy — The Frenchman who happens to be Asian! My Asian Brother from another Mother. From the boring Meetups to the fun Meetups to my Birthday at Hannekes Boom, you were always there. Thank you Brother. You’d better come and visit me in Shanghai!
Melanie Nobel — The make-up extraordinaire. Your talent, creativity and potential are immense and seemingly endless. I will never forget that first, amazing night in your company. It was quite simply beautiful. You are a true friend, breathtakingly talented and you’re definitely going places. Keep shining bright!
Ingrid — What can I say about you that I haven’t already said to you in person? You’re an incredibly sincere and honest individual, someone who truly possess a heart of gold. All I can say at this point is thank you … for everything(!), and you know that I mean that from the very bottom of my heart. Your friendship is and always will be cherished. (I will return for all my stuff!)
Vanja — Keep running the most fun and awesome Meetup for Expats in Amsterdam. On another note, just be patient. Love in its best form comes to those wait and life in time will give you all that you deserve and desire.
Jojo — You remarkable, extraordinarily gifted person you! I will tend to my flock even when I’m in Shanghai! Don’t ever let your energy drop, and keep that good heart and soul running. You’re shattering disability stereotypes and long may it continue with Able Amsterdam! We will be friends for a very, very long time.
Ines — I couldn’t write this piece without mentioning you could I? You’re a champion in every sense of the word, and you’re unfailingly championing me and my creative spirit. Thank you for being a charming, beautiful, wonderful soul. Your boy should be proud that he has a Mother as inspiring as yourself. Continue being your charming, creative self, and we will meet again, I promise you.
Rajat — From the very first day — at that Japanese company which will remain unnamed — to our final meeting in Cabron, you’ve been a true soul brother. Funny, inspiring and generous, you’ve been an honest and true friend. Thank you. I’m sure I’ll bump into you either in Amsterdam again or in Shanghai.
Jackie Langdon — From my very first day — at the Japanese company that shall remain unnamed — to my very last, you were the brightest, loveliest and most endearing spark. You took the time to listen to every single one of my woes, and always told me to keep my head held up high. Your endearing British charm and love will never be forgotten. When I come back to Amsterdam, we will catch up, I promise you that.
Justin Steel — The British Brother from another Mother. From the daily fist-bump, to a cheerful hug when I needed it the most (you know what I’m referring to!), your humility and friendship in tough times will never be forgotten. And, I’m still top of the league…!
There are undoubtedly many more wonderful people to thank, so to those who aren’t mentioned, I thank you many times over for everything.
As I sit here writing this from that other great city, London, I’m drawn to reflect on my continuing journey. I pack my suitcases again in December for China, where I will be living and working as a journalist and English language teacher, thereby fulfilling another long-held dream. Hangzhou and Shanghai beckon brightly.
I leave you with the words of the late, great Marie Colvin, who has inspired me throughout my life:
Be passionate and be involved in what you believe in, and do it as thoroughly and honestly and fearlessly as you can.
