I came out two weeks ago (see Love Wanted), while seven months ago I was still considering any possibility to save my unsuccessful relationship with Vanilla. Time flies but I’m not going to write about time nor Vanilla. It’s all about my identity.
I have to say being gay is not in my best interest. It’s not unusual to find people discriminated everywhere just because of their sexual orientation, nor is it surprising to notice few people announce their affection for same sex proudly. Disgusting. Abnormal. Loser. These are adjectives for gay and I for sure understand this.
So I had been denying my orientation for quite long. I forced myself to be in unsuccessful relationships with girls. I refused to recognize long lasting relationships between same sex. I had been having casual sex with boys to entertain my sexual desire but kept telling myself I was not going to fall in love with them but just for fun. I thought, childishly and hoping for all the best, that I would still be heterosexual because I love the opposite sex but simply want no sex from them. Those thoughts were once in my life, for 19 years.
Then I started my exchange life in Hong Kong. It’s a city famous for its extremely dense population and as the crossroad where east meets west — it’s a city where I can meet people. And that’s exactly what I did. I met Edward and Viann, one is running his own business while the other is doing secretary work, both of whom show great passion for their work and keep fighting for a brighter future. I met Justin and Joy, one is Asian while the other is African, both of whom share the same appreciation for different cultures and customs and would like to discuss some linguistic issue for hours. I met Daniel and Joseph, one is homosexual while the other is heterosexual, both of whom love life so much and have such awesome skills that they can survive in the field without any modern technology.
That’s amazing and I got to know it’s what we call as diversity. I got to know people are different and it’s okay to be different. There’s nothing wrong to do a secretary job nor should anybody feels ashamed of it, as long as they enjoy it or they spend every second they got pursuing a better position. There’s nothing wrong to be an African or an Asian, a Buddhist or a Muslim, compared with WASP people, since we all cherish the value of democracy, of freedom, and of people’s rights. And most importantly there’s nothing wrong to be homosexual nor is it important, for it doesn’t alter our love of life, our fancy for nature, and our endless adventure on the road to ultimate happiness. Not a single bit.
But it would be a shame not to face my own identity. It IS a shame if we were born in a poor family but still consume luxuries like a millionaire; it IS a shame if we were Asian but turn a blind eye to our own culture. It IS a shame if we were gay but even try to engage in some conversion therapy to “become normal”. All these, they don’t change anything. And above all, diversity is normal.
That’s when I decided to come out. Well, even then it was still not easy but I was sure it’s the right thing to do. I thought it would be less stressfully for me if my orientation was disclosed gradually, by phrase, since I could have more control over it. I intentionally leaked some hints in daily conversation, and I asked a few close friends about their opinion. With rather positive feedback, I published it to my Facebook, a place I considered to be more open to homosexuality. Reaction there was also encouraging. Finally, on China’s WeChat, with status post in Chinese.
I need to thank my friends a lot. It’s their support and understanding that give me the courage to continue. In the end I think it won’t do any harm, to describe my ideal partner, a little bit.
I’m looking for long term relationship. Versatile, mostly bottom, in terms of role in sex. Currently university student, and I would like my partner to share similar education background. Similar age and political standing (as you can find out in the article) preferred. Hope you have been successful in weight management [if it was once necessary lol :) I’m slim and into slim guy]. Most importantly, EXCEPTIONS APPLY. You can just leave a private note on medium if interested!
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[UPDATE: some names are removed upon request; minor edit on certain detail.]
