How “Come As You Are” Got My Motor Running Post-Trauma

Pumping the Accelerator

When it comes to understanding sexual cravings and navigating relationships, we all face unique challenges based on our past experiences. For those who have endured trauma, these challenges can be particularly complex and impactful.

In my own post-trauma healing journey, I struggled to understand why my sexual desires were often elusive, inconsistent, or at odds with what I believed they should be. Distraught with the effects trauma continued to bring to my romantic life even after escaping my abuse, I hauled around a hefty burden of guilt, confusion, and self-judgment.

It was on a quest for answers and support that I stumbled upon Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. The book’s compassionate and non-judgmental approach made me feel safe and understood beginning right from the Table of Contents. Nagoski’s expertise and research on the science of sexuality helped me gain a new perspective on my own desires and understand that they are valid and unique to me. It was a revelation to learn that our sexual selves are influenced by such a multitude of factors, including past experiences and daily stressors.

After struggling for years with my sexual appetite (or lack thereof) and my relationship with intimacy, this compelling and incredibly well-researched account made me feel intrigued, hopeful, and, dare I say, excited.