The 3 Life Lessons of an Aged, Progressive, Gay Christian
Sometimes experience translates into wisdom.
You deeply align with Jesus and want to love all others in His way. You also identify as gay. Life has been a saga of rejection, confusion, and pain.
This article is written for you.
Note: I have underlined and linked subjects I have written about in other articles. You may enjoy clicking on them for additional clarity.
“Why should I trust you for any advice?”
Great question.
Many people tell me that I have lived the most unusual gay Christian life ever.
Does it give you any confidence to listen to a 70-year-old man who was formerly a leader in the Evangelical circles, who successfully dealt with his gayness, who has helped shape the history for gay Christians in America, who has mentored thousands of gay Christians, and who has written nearly 150 articles on the subject?
Please forgive my hubris. Yet, everything described above is true.
You may gain from my aged wisdom.
As you read, you will discover three of the most important life lessons that 70 years as a gay Christian have taught me.
1. Love Wins
Let’s begin with the absolute most important reality: Jesus is love. Jesus extends love to all humans. And Jesus personally loves you — exactly as you are.
Jesus’s love is like the sun. Constant, dependable, warm, and enlightening.
No one needs to prove themselves to Jesus to receive His love. He accepts all and is especially keen on hanging out with the marginalized. More often than not, Jesus was with the homeless, the hungry, the physically disabled, the spiritually possessed, and the “sinners” — those who were in need of a friend.
In other words, people like you and me.
I have every confidence that if Jesus walked this earth today, he would comfort the LGBTQ community, the Black Americans, the women, and everyone else who is oppressed.
There is only one group of people whom Jesus would rebuke: the self-righteous hypocrites who believe they are superior to others. Such people love to quote scriptures yet fail to come to the very source of the Word. They put burdens on the backs of the marginalized and do not lift a finger to help.
Yes, that riles Jesus.
My dear gay Brothers, you have a friend in Jesus who will never leave you. I am certain that Jesus will never leave me — and I will never leave Him. Wherever Jesus is, is where you and I will be. And, of course, that includes being with Jesus after our death.
Jesus is “love centric.” He extends love, not judgment. He is less concerned about rules and commandments than He is with love. Jesus said that all commandments are fulfilled when a person “loves one’s neighbor in the way one loves self.” And on the final night before Jesus’s execution, He gave one more command: “Love others in the way you have seen me love you.”
Therefore, there is only one “bullseye” to hit: love others in Jesus’s way. Jesus’s way is humble and other-centered. Jesus automatically felt compassion for the hurting and marginalized. Then, Jesus’s natural reaction was to provide them with gracious mercy. Jesus fed the hungry, healed the sick, expunged the demon-possessed, and comforted the sinners.
Jesus wants our focus to not be on sin management. Rather, He knows that when we love others, we avoid sin.
My dear gay Brothers, I yearn to help you understand this primordial truth: Jesus loves you exactly as you are — and He always will.
So, relax regarding being gay. Jesus loves gays.
Furthermore, relax about being in gay relationships and gay marriage. Jesus rejoices over each gay marriage that aims to have the same type of relationship that Jesus has with the Church. Jesus’s Church consists of women — and men. Therefore, Jesus is married to every man who is united to Him. And Jesus’s marriage is other-centered and permanent.
My husband and I, likewise, aim to have a Jesus-like marriage. We serve each other, “until death do us part.”
So, if you long to have a relationship with a man and consummate that in marriage, Jesus will cheer as you walk back from the wedding altar.
Love is love.
And love wins.
2. There is Nothing Wrong with Being Gay. It is simply a Different Attraction.
God’s design. Many Evangelicals in America insist that gayness violates God’s design for the human race. Being gay is unnatural, a disorder, they say. And yet God designed diversity within each species. And scientists are discovering that homosexuality exists within many of the animal groupings. Thus, it is natural to have gayness within God’s design.
My dear gay Brothers, please do not believe the nonsense that your same-sex attraction can be eliminated. I have coached thousands of gay men — and have never met even one man who can honestly tell me that his same-sex attraction has been eliminated.
Such conversion therapy is a cruel hoax.
There is nothing wrong with being gay. It simply is a different attraction.
Bible. Five passages proclaim men who have anal intercourse with other men are an “abomination” and deserving of death. Furthermore, homosexuals cannot attain the kingdom of heaven.
In reality, those passages refer to straight men of power who would rape men of lesser esteem (i.e., as a show of power to humiliate males, including pubescent boys, prostitutes, enslaved people, and conquered soldiers). Such penetrating abusers would even brag about who they anally raped — proudly parading in the streets looking for their next victim.
My fellow gay Brothers, those five passages do not refer to you (that is unless you are raping the underprivileged and bragging about it).
There is nothing wrong with being gay. It is simply a different attraction.
Psychologists. In the early 1900s in America, psychologists rabidly argued that gays were a deviant, disordered condition. They argued that all males were supposed to be attracted to women. In the 1970s, however, American Psychiatrists refused to label gays as a disordered condition. Their verdict:
There is nothing wrong with being gay. It is simply a different attraction.
Education. At some point in a straight boy’s education, he is taught about sexual intercourse, safe sex practices, and the glory of love.
However, some schools now resist teaching gay boys that same information as it applies to their gay sexuality. Certain conservative parents maintain that to teach gay-related sexuality is to teach sin.
In reality, at whatever age a straight boy is supposed to learn the facts of sexuality, then at that same age, a gay adolescent needs to understand information as applied to his homosexuality.
There is nothing wrong with being gay. It is simply a different attraction.
Relationships. Straight males generally follow a “relational blueprint” wherein the male becomes attracted to specific women. He then dates one woman in particular. They fall in love, commit to each other in marriage, and engage in eroticism.
Gay males follow that same pattern, except that their partner is another male.
There is nothing wrong with being gay. It is simply a different attraction.
3. You Deserve Dignity and Social Justice
God bestows dignity to every human life.
And shame on any of us who do not do the same.
My dear gay Brothers, you have certain “inalienable rights:” to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
God views you as priceless — a beautiful creation. You do not need to “earn” Jesus’s love — you automatically are provided it. Therefore, there is no need to view yourself as a “lesser than.” True, many conservatives want you to believe such — and they may never stop believing that you are disordered, needing change, and unworthy of being in the Church. Shame on them.
You are not alone in receiving this contempt and dehumanization. For centuries, Black Americans have been treated with the same malice and abuse. And so have women. And other minorities.
But every person, in any category, deserves social justice.
The inherent rule of law is that all people are created equal in the eyes of justice. Yet, you and I have not received such fairness. We are discriminated against in what is taught in schools and Sunday schools. For centuries, we were deprived of the same jobs as straights. We are excluded from conservative Evangelical churches. We cannot get married in Evangelical churches. And all is a social injustice.
My dear gay Brothers, you need not cower to straights. You deserve all of the same rights that they presume. If necessary, you need to vote to attain such equality. And if necessary, you need to protest to achieve equality civilly.
You are human. And you deserve dignity and social justice.
Conclusion
At age 70, I have “fought the good fight.” I endured discrimination within the military and Evangelical organizations. I survived the horrors of sexual orientation change efforts. I have lost friendships once people learned I am gay. Even some of my very closest friends left me when I became married to a gay man.
And yet, with battle scars, I have allowed myself to deconstruct and grow. To expect dignity. I am no longer an Evangelical; rather, I am an “exvangelical” — someone who was abused within the Evangelical system but who emerged all the better.
Many of you reading this article may not believe God loves you exactly as you are.
You would be wrong.
Many of you may still believe there is something perverse about being gay.
You would be wrong.
And many of you impotently believe you do not deserve dignity and social justice.
You would be wrong.
I wish for you a life of love as you walk alongside Jesus. I long for you to understand that there is nothing wrong with you — you simply have a different attraction. And I hope you will stand up for your inalienable rights as you help your gay Brothers gain social justice.
In conclusion,
Love wins.
Dr. Mike Rosebush (Ph.D., Counseling Psychology; he, him, his;) is the creator and editor of GAYoda, plus a writer for Backyard Church. A short synopsis of Dr. Rosebush’s life can be found at I Lived the Most Unusual Gay Christian Life Ever. He may be contacted at mikerosebush75@gmail.com.
