Continuing My Gender Evolution
About finding the right labels
My evolution continues
I thought I had myself figured out and wrote a piece on my evolution in July, called “Finding My Truth.” Non-binary, genderqueer, gender fluid, and a demigirl. They/them pronouns, always.
That was 5 months into my physical transition (HRT).
Later, in August, a partner called me 'baby girl,’ and rather than feeling misgendered, it felt affirming and warm. Then I traveled to a music festival that I attend annually, with a random group of folx from all over (connected through a Facebook group, Solo Riot Fest). Not only were they accepting of my gender identity, but I was treated like one of the 'gals.’
It was the first time this had happened to me, as I don’t have much opportunity to socialize face to face during my normal day-to-day life. Two jobs doesn’t give you much time for that.
Bikini Kill (the original Riot Grrrl band) was headlining, and it felt so validating to be able to identify as a riot grrrl. I began to wonder if I was still gender fluid, as I couldn't really see myself feeling ‘masc’ any longer, just femme to various levels of intensity.
I spent several weeks wondering if I was actually a trans woman, and internalized misogyny had just kept me from identifying that way, even though there were many days where I wasn't super femme.
Then I discovered the word girlflux, for varying intensities of feeling feminine, libragirl, 1-49% feminine, demigirl, 50% feminine, and paragirl, 51-99% feminine, on the agender-feminine side of the spectrum.
(My favorite version of the girlflux flag, of which I have found 5. Source: Tumblr)
(Now this definition of demigirl was different than what I had known, but that's ok.)
A bell rang in my head again, and I replaced gender fluid with girlflux in the long version of my identity (“Nonbinary GenderQueer Girlflux Transfeminine Demigirl” — for the gender portion only), and have started to use “Trans Femmeflux Demigirl” as the short version.
I added she/her to my pronouns, initially so that well-intentioned people basing the pronouns that they used (prior to my introducing myself) based on my gender expression would not be misgendering me by referring to me as “she,” then discovering that it felt validating (as “they” continues to feel validating).
Will my identity continue to evolve? I do not know. I don’t think it’s something that I will ever close the door to.
Another version of the Girlflux Pride flag.
