Why I Quit Church
And Found a Closer Walk with God
“The spiritual path is not for the faint of heart. Those called to walk it soon discover that awakening brings as much pain as it does revelation.” — Kumar Devesh
We are all hypocrites, myself more than all.
You may have noticed that, in several of my posts, I have referred to the Bible often, particularly the words of Jesus.
I see huge similarities between what Jesus taught about the Kingdom of Heaven and the Gift community, maybe because they are the same thing. In future posts, I will explore some of his parables and teachings closer to demonstrate this connection.
Put simply, I write (and think) from the perspective of the teaching of Jesus because that is what I know best.
Jesus taught from the perspective of Judaism, because that was the culture in which he lived, and the understanding of the people around him was of the same background.
But I want to share with you that I don’t go to church anymore, and tell you some of the reasons for making that decision.
Obedience of Faith is Evidenced in the Doing
After I had been to the Philippines and seen the huge disparity between wealth of the people in the United States and the poor in the Philippines, I began feeling severe anxiety listening to sermons every Sunday. And when I say anxiety, I mean a pounding chest and shortness of breath - an extreme need to do something, anything, just to escape. It felt almost as if I were trapped underwater and needed to run… somewhere, anywhere, just to breathe.
I seemed to be hearing the same message again and again, the pastors always preaching that everyone needed to get serious about following Jesus’s words, particularly about loving the poor.
And I asked myself, How many times do you need to hear the same thing repeated again and again and again? Yet, here were people, myself included, just listening and listening and listening, but never actually doing what was being said… including the pastors themselves.
So I began to do something….
I read how Jesus said that, if someone wanted to be his disciple, he must sell everything that he had and follow him. So I sold everything that was really mine and mine alone, which turned out to be… not very much.
I sold my library of 500+ books on ebay and cashed out my 401k, but I was continually thwarted and criticized, not by those outside the church, but inside: Pastors, deacons, people going to church for 50 years, listening to the same sermons I was, some even teaching those lessons themselves, but never actually doing them. Just telling me to, but not really expecting me to go out and do it.
Always learning, but never coming to the knowledge of the truth.
On Sundays, I would hear how I needed to “get serious” and follow the teachings of Jesus, but, upon hearing of the sacrifice of my wealth, some church leaders would tell me to be rational and not to get carried away… of how that particular saying of Jesus did not really apply today.
How do they know which principles apply and which ones do not?
It is really simple:
If they do not want to follow a particular teaching in their own lives, the teaching does not apply.
I now realize that pastors said that only because they were not willing to sell everything they owned to follow Jesus.
Churchianity
In addition, people that I love the most have been hurt by pastors who were either greedy or horny or both. Always teaching man-made doctrines which are meant to shame people into guilt, while practicing those very same, or similar, “sins”.
In the end, there were just too many inconsistencies between Jesus’s clear words and, what I now call, “Churchianity”.
I realize that this may sound arrogant, but the truth is that I have outgrown the need for church.
The church (and religions in general) are like a bicycle with training wheels. There comes a time when we must shed the training wheels and ride free, wherever Spirit takes us.
When the training wheels have served their purpose and are now a hindrance to our further growth, it is time for greater things, just as Paul speaks of the use of the Law in Romans.
What I Have Learned
I have learned that God is not “out there” but “in here”, inside me, and always has been. And heaven is not “up there”, but “down here”, within me… and wherever Love and Peace reign on the earth.
The Kingdom of Heaven is right here. I just didn’t know where to look before.
And again I hear that whisper: “The Kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21)
I have learned that faith is not grown by listening to sermons but by putting yourself in situations where faith is all you have, where there is no safety net.
Yes, that is not rational, but…
… the beginning of faith lies where I end.
And I want to DO what I learned, not just hear and ignore.
I have learned that the church taught me wide knowledge, but not deep wisdom.
Great learning, but little truth. Big ego, but tiny faith.
I have gained much value from the study of other religions, and I see the common thread that runs through them. And I see so many similarities in the historic Christian mystics, like St. Francis of Assisi, Meister Eckhart, and the Gospel of Thomas.
Yes, now I write from the Vision I received. And I also write (and live) from my pain. And, like Paul, I do not want to be disobedient to the heavenly vision.
But yes, I am still a hypocrite.
People talk about going to heaven. I want to bring heaven to earth.
Hmmm. Sounds like someone else I know….
“Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” — Jesus (Matthew 6:10)
“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.”
— James Allen
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