Wait, What? Am I the Narcissist?
22 ways to find out what you don’t want to hear
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but I just have to face up to it.
Like so many, I have been quick to bandy around the term Narcissist. Mainly directed at anyone who has contradicted me or otherwise put an obstacle in my way more than once (first time is a pass, as I’m such a generous guy).
But when I came across a list of narcissistic attributes, I found that I could comfortably tick off more than half of them. How about you? Once published, I’ll highlight the ones that resonate with me. If you’re feeling all disclosey you might want to do the same. Or just have a laugh at my expense. No hard feelings.
It makes sense in a way. I have been all sniffy about other more popular social media platforms. Why would I want Twitter, Instagram, or even Facebook. Then a post by Jan H White got me thinking about the way in which many of us are using Medium. Of course it operates in the realm of social media!
Part of it is shouting out to the world “See how clever I am”. Another is “See how well I have overcome my problems” while some contributions are “I’ve got it so much worse than any of you”. What they have in common is it’s me, me and more me. Narcissism in its purest form.
Even in my responses, I generally manage to turn the conversation to something similar that happened to me, or that popped into my head.
How is this any different from Instagramming your latest meal or swimsuit and showing the world what a golden life you lead?
We might feel that sort of conspicuous pictorial revelation is below us, but we do the same thing with our words, showcasing our brilliant minds.
The clincher is that, for many of us, obsessive stat surfing and follower collection is just as compulsive a behaviour as fishing for likes on Instagram or TikTok.
Notice how that self-disclosure turned into “us” and “we”? I don’t want to be left hanging here. Now that I’ve realised what’s going on, I’d like some company.
And while we’re about it, can we talk about labelling? I always knew, from studying CBT, that it’s lazy and counter-productive to attach a fixed label to someone just because of some behaviour, even repeated behaviour, that we don’t like. We are all so much more than even our most pronounced character trait!
So in the same breath I’d like to acknowledge my own claim to the label of narcissist while pleading for everyone to stop using it. Will that be OK?
That list in full
1. Self-centered. His needs are paramount.
2. No remorse for mistakes or misdeeds.
3. Unreliable, undependable.
4. Does not care about the consequences of his actions.
5. Projects faults on to others. High blaming behavior; never his fault.
6. Little if any conscience.
7. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others.
8. Has a good front (persona) to impress and exploit others.
9. Low stress tolerance. Easy to anger and rage.
10. People are to be manipulated for his needs.
11. Rationalizes easily. Twists conversation to his gain at other’s expense. If trapped, keeps talking, changes the subject or gets angry.
12. Pathological lying.
13. Tremendous need to control situations, conversations, others.
14. No real values. Mostly situational.
15. Often perceived as caring and understanding and uses this to manipulate.
16. Angry, mercurial, moods.
17. Uses sex to control
18. Does not share ideas, feelings, emotions.
19. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word.
20. Is very slow to forgive others. Hangs onto resentment.
21. Secret life. Hides money, friends, activities.
22. Likes annoying others. Likes to create chaos and disrupt for no reason.
Taken from here.
Many thanks for reading!
Mean pot-shots at narcissists, before I realised I was one:
