Father’s Day 2024
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)
I was reviewing my “Father’s Day Reframed” blog article from last year, and I can clearly see how far I’ve come in my healing journey since then. I still have some work to do in this area, but I am not as raw as I was last year.
In a previous blog (Fawning with God), I said:
“Often, when we experience abuse from those who were supposed to care for and shepherd us, it skews our perception of God and gets in the way of our relationship with Him. It is so important for our healing journey to untangle our perception of who God is from what we experienced from our earthly parents/caretakers.”
This is where I am on Father’s Day 2024…working on untangling my perception and response to God from what I experienced from my earthly father.
This week, I talked with a dear and trusted friend about strategic planning for our businesses. As we talked about capturing our desires for our businesses’ future, I noticed a resistance in my soul toward doing that. I am getting better at noticing what is happening in my internal system with curiosity…yay, me.
It is so wonderful to have a friend who knows you so well and is willing to hold a safe space for you to figure things out with a compassionate other. As I dug into the thoughts that were coming up for me, I realized that there was a little part of me that was afraid to claim/own her hopes and desires because she didn’t think she was allowed to have them as a Christian.
This part believes it doesn’t matter what she wants or desires for the future because the only thing that matters is doing God’s will. She was afraid to step out of line by asserting her desires.
It became clear to me that I was fawning with God…still, and there are some things that I need to continue to unwind. The good news is that only a part of me is experiencing this. Healing often comes in layers, so that is understandable.
When you are working with younger parts of yourself, it is not uncommon to uncover beliefs or stories that do not make sense to your adult self, but it does to that young child’s self. When we, as children, don’t have a trusted adult/caretaker to help us “make sense” of our experiences, we make up stories that may or may not be true. That is what I did.
My earthly father was an unhealed trauma survivor who determined early on in his life that when he grew up, he was never going to feel that powerless again, so he became a narcissist instead. I am not an expert in narcissism, except that I lived under the “rule” of a narcissist for 52 years of my life. But what I can tell you is how it appeared to me.
For my dad, it was all about power and control… that made him feel safe. But what that meant to me as his child was that I was powerless. Every time I tried to empower myself, it would feel like a threat to his power, and he would take action to yank that power away from me.
This is what I experienced from my earthly father. Perhaps you can start to sense how that experience warped my view of my heavenly Father. You see, my heavenly Father actually does have ALL power, unlike my earthly father’s delegated power. God delegates that power to those He puts in authority and holds them accountable for how they use that power.
This is the work of untangling our limiting beliefs. It’s like putting my heavenly Father on one side of a T-chart and my earthly father on the other and listing how they are distinctly different.
My fawning with God is a habitual response based on the conclusion/belief that I came to as a child about how to remain safe in the presence of power. To change that response, I have to address the belief that drives these actions/responses.
I have been asking the Lord to show me how to correct that belief so I can see/respond differently. God always answers the prayers of His children who are seeking to do right.
The first correction of that belief is recognizing that having the power to choose is NOT a threat to God because He has delegated that power to me. God does not feel threatened by delegating His authority to others because it all belongs to Him anyway. I had to chew on that truth for a little while to allow it to sink into the depths of my soul.
The second correction was about coming to terms with the fact that God has delegated power and authority to me. I never experienced that from my earthly father, so that realization literally blew my mind at first. I had to meditate on that one for a long time before the truth started to loosen the grip on my old beliefs.
I have a deep desire to serve God by serving and coaching others. That is my desire. It is a calling. He knows my desire and has uniquely equipped me to do the work He called me to do. He has delegated some of His power and authority to me to do the work. I had never experienced that type of support from my earthly father, which made my eyes tear up just thinking about that.
The third correction was about the responsibility that came along with the delegated power. He will hold us accountable for what we do with the gifts and power that have been given to us. The Bible says,
“The preparations (plans) of the heart [belong] to man, But the answer of the tongue [is] from the LORD.” (Proverbs 16:1)
My Bible commentary said that “human responsibility is always subject to God’s absolute sovereignty.” To me, that sounds like it is our responsibility to plan, but God has the right and authority to change those plans if He chooses.
The fourth correction was about trusting God to “course correct” my plans so that I could reach my goals, which aligned with His goals. Since I had never experienced delegated authority from my earthly father, I was still fawning when it came to the planning part of my responsibility. What made me feel supported in the planning process was the realization that God was watching over me and He could help me “course correct” when He saw that there were major obstacles ahead or that I was getting off course.
Wow!!! I cannot tell you how good it feels to have that kind of support when you’re on a journey you’ve never been on before and don’t really know what you’re doing. It is a BIG relief. The Bible says,
“A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)
and…
“Commit your works to the LORD, And your thoughts will be established. (Proverbs 16:3)
By committing my works and plans to the Lord, He will direct my steps and my thoughts.
For the first time in her life, this little part of me is experiencing what it’s like to have a supportive and caring heavenly Father, and this experience has untied the knot in her brain about power, control, and safety. She is feeling extremely loved and cared for on this Father’s Day.
If you have experienced abuse and mistreatment from your earthly father, you are not alone. I invite you to create a distinction between your earthly father and your heavenly Father. God is not like that. He loves you with an everlasting love. He deeply cares for you and comforts you just when you need it. He’ll never leave or forsake you. He is with you ALWAYS. I invite you to get to know the BEST Father you could ever have!!!
