Personal Attacks Hurt You
More than they hurt me.
Perhaps nothing hurts relationships, especially romantic relationships, more than personal attacks during disagreements.
When someone makes a personal attack, I can ignore it or feel compassion for the person attacking me, assuming the attack comes from a place of pain. However, the person attacking me has fewer places to run and hide. In making the attack, they have made their lives more toxic concerning their relationships with others and themselves. Esteem and Self-Esteem come from the repeated attention to acting in a way that is worthy of it.
At some level, a person who makes a personal attack on me has given up on the idea that they can exchange ideas that may lead to me changing my mind. Or at least that is one thought that runs through my mind. Another is that person is injured, and they lash out, believing hurting me will help someone manage the hurt, bring justice to the world, or bring closure. The latter, especially when they project onto me the pain they felt in a relationship with someone else.
