How I Stopped Crying and Started Living
Life was not easy for me until I decided to live it on my own terms.
Life was not easy for me until I decided to live it on my own terms.
After my wife cheated me, I initially disbelieved the whole incident.
But later as reality set in, I understood adultery is way more common than we might imagine in our daily life.
The shock of betrayal made me mentally down, I needed anti-depressants for the first time in my life to get going.
Believe me, it was not easy. I really didn’t know whose fault it was. I didn’t know who was in the wrong.
I started questioning myself and I started questioning her.
I was skeptical about our relationship and not sure whom I should seek help with.
But then slowly I changed myself for the better. I started living the life in my own terms.
I stopped caring about what my wife was demanding. It is not about not caring for her.
But it is acknowledging the fact that there are many things in life which are different for us.
She might have life goals which do not resonate with me. Her life goals are not mine.
There are many common interests and common goals as a couple. I started focusing on them.
I started losing interest about her other demands completely. It was partly by choice. But I really did not care.
I must admit, this subtle change in me made a huge difference in our relationship.
I started to focus on my own personal and professional targets.
I defined my milestones and started focusing on them with more attention.
I wanted to achieve more and wanted to establish myself as a leader in my professional niche. In a matter of one year, I started seeing meaningful changes.
I am working in the high tech industry and my focus on my job helped me get crucial promotions and I am started seeing new heights in my career.
I was always good at what I was doing but never in my life had I received so much recognition in such a short span of time !
I started to believe in Karma.
So here’s my advice. Don’t be a doormat. It is ok to have separate life goals as you get mature in your relationship.
If you have some dreams, then work towards it and try to fulfill them.
There is no point in telling everything to your significant other.
There is nothing wrong if you have a solo vacation plan, days out with old school time buddies or separate financial goals to attain.
Respect your partner / spouse but do not consider them as an approver of your plans and personal targets.
It’s absolutely fine to live inside your cocoon sometimes and not let everybody spoil your game.
The biggest change that gave me inner peace was not to be afraid of argument.
I started believing it is absolutely ok to disagree on something and still carry on.
In my married life, many times I was afraid to call a spade, a spade.
But I changed.
I started to focus on what I believed is right.
If something is right in my view, I made sure to talk about it. I stick to the truth and if that means we as a couple are in complete disagreement, I am still fine with it. It doesn’t mean I won’t listen. But I won’t change my mind solely to try make my partner happy.
I personally feel this is a huge change which made my wife very respectful towards me.
In last few years, much of the emotional trauma that I was carrying in this relationship started to lessen and I am becoming a more happy, fulfilled and calm person.
I hope many of you as well struggle at different part of your life. Keep in touch and share your thoughts / journey on how did you do better ? What keeps you going ?
