What I did when my wife cheated me ?
It was the end of 2015 when our relationship took a bitter turn. I discovered that my wife had a secret love interest in her office.
I also lost my dad in his battle against cancer at the end of 2015.
It was a tough time for me throughout 2016. Losing dad and betrayed by my wife, I want to survive badly.
Once I came to know about her secret relationship, she asked for a day to decide — what she wanted to do ?
And the next day she came back to me with a decision.
The decision was to stay back with me and try to start everything from scratch.
She wanted to pursue me and wanted to rebuild the marriage. But I was shattered.
Looking back, I can clearly tell you I have two different questions in my mind. But I didn’t have any answer.
First question was — What am I lacking as a partner ? Frankly speaking at that point of time, I didn’t have any answer.
I was one of the highest earners among my friends & family. I was into high end tech, very good academically. I was a very good provider for the family.
My family used to get most of the things whenever they want. It was an easy, comfortable and enviable lifestyle that we were leading.
I loved my wife dearly and tried to make every effort to make her comfortable and happy. So, what was lacking from my side ?
The second question was — Why did she do it ?
Financially I was way superior than her. She had health issues which I took care of like a father.
I cared for her many times more than her own parents.
I helped her to get her first tech job as a contract position through my alumni circle.
Later for a stable career, I advised her to quit and join a federal gov job. I trained her personally so that she can crack the interview which had a low passing percentage.
And she was ecstatic when she cracked the interview in 2012.
She was dependent on me and I provided the best care possible as a partner. Then why ?
These two questions made me sick.
Until I knew these answers I couldn’t believe her.
I knew it was just a matter of time before she would do it again.
I am not afraid to admit that I was not trusting her any more.
But I hung on.
I hung on primarily for my son, who had a neurological problem from his birth.
I knew he was recovering well and he needed both of us.
I was doubtful about our future. I was angry with her.
My inner self told me she is not truly apologetic but I decided to hang on.
There is nothing wrong and right when you deal with such situations.
Marriage counsellors advise about trusting each other and supporting in these kind of situations. But I feel they are just stupid.
How many of them practically faced such situations in life?
Having a degree in psychology may not be enough to deal with real human emotions.
So, I never believed them. But I tried to hang on.
It was not a peaceful time.
I blamed her and cursed her every day for what she did.
The more aggressive I became, the more defensive she was.
And there was a point when she tried to put logic behind what she did.
It was two years of blaming, toxic talks and hate feelings that brewed between us.
And slowly the situation got better when we expected that it would be a dead marriage.
In life things are pretty peculiar.
Bad things happen from nowhere and good things start to work when no one expects it.
I would not say, we were cuddling everyday. We were not in love.
But we tried to give some space to each other and hung on.
It was a little distant relationship but there was no blame game.
We needed each other to support our son and we were together.
I thought time is going to heal up the pain slowly…
And then covid pandemic started in the beginning of 2020.
My tech job gave me ample time as I became a full time work from home dad.
My spare time gave me enough breathing time to think about our family and relationship.
And I discovered the truth during this time. I was able to understand why she took the big step of a secret relationship outside of our marriage.
You will find about that truth in my next post here.
