Dating With an Expiration Date
Are ‘expirationships’ worth it?
So after grad school, I moved back to Los Angeles, no job lined up, but somehow thought it would be a good idea to start dating again. Well, to be completely honest, it wasn’t a solo-decision. Some might say I was coerced into it. Back in October 2023, I decided to take a trip to the Bay to visit some friends, clear my head, and get a new perspective on life post-grad school. I had time on my side. My friends in the Bay thought it would be a good idea for me to download Hinge and see my matches and swipes on the Big Screen through screen mirroring. I’ve been on Hinge before, but never swiped in front of others, much less in front of 4 guy friends who enjoy providing their valuable input on mostly SF tech bros.
One thing is that dating in SF is different from dating in LA. In SF, there are plenty of men working in tech. Home to Silicon Valley and the headquarters of Google, Facebook, and Twitter, the Bay also offers various research startups. This was prevalent in many of the occupations of the men I matched with. Regardless, as far as matches go, dating is no different in SF and LA. It’s generally easy to be an Asian woman on dating apps. Even if you have no job and live at home. Men will be men.
After numerous matches with men I didn’t see a forseeable future with (purely because of the distance factor), my escapade in the Bay did come to an end. It was time to fly back to LA. After a week or so, I changed the location from SF to LA because I was curious about the potential matches here. I had matched with him, but he didn’t ask me out. In the midst of a handful of consecutive mediocre dates, he finally suggested to meet in person. We’d been talking on the app for about a week or so and I was wondering when he’d finally ask me out. Talking on the app is one thing, but going on multiple dates with different men takes time and energy. But this was guy was interesting to talk to. However, when he asked to meet him halfway, which happened to be in the middle of nowhere, La Habra, I wasn’t super excited at first to be completely honest.
It was a ramen restaurant. He had arrived before me and had gotten us a table outside. Even though his profile stated 6'3", I was still taken aback by his height. Dark hair, brown eyes; he looked laid back in a black hoodie and greeted me with a hug. After the waiter seated us, we ordered our meals and quickly dove into conversation about life, dating, and our backgrounds. We had some shared interests in traveling and some similarities in our family experiences. We weren’t afraid to share how our dating experiences have been so far, even though we were on one. After an evening of laughter, great conversation, and good food, he excused himself because he needed to return to his dog. The night was still young, and I wasn’t sure if this was an excuse to leave the date, or if he actually had a dog, since he has a track record of leaving in the middle of a date (something he shared during ours).
He did, however, text me when he got home and told me he really liked talking to me and that I ask some great questions.
He said, “Hopefully we can squeeze in a second date before you ghost me?”
It made me smile because it was an inside joke from our dinner earlier. I replied with definitely. Thinking that he would initiate our next date, a whole day went by and there was complete radio silence. In the dating world, that’s like a week. Since we live in 2024, I texted him: “Do you wanna play tennis?” He texted me back that night: “I do. Are you like…challenging me?” I told him that I did even though I’m a beginner.
We met up in my side of town and he beat me in tennis, of course. So much for a challenge. Then we followed it up by a late lunch/early dinner, boba, and ended the night with drinks at Applebee’s. We dug a bit deeper during the second date and I opened up a bit.
The third date was a movie night at his place. We continued to see each other at least once a week, consistently; texting each other nearly daily in between. I became comfortable enough to ask him whether he would’ve asked me out on a second date, to which he replied yes. He was just busy that weekend because it was Thanksgiving. The dates that followed consisted of ice skating, a Clipper game where I introduced him to my brother, and trying exotic new foods in LA. I began telling everyone I had met this great guy and how excited I was about him. I also invited him to a Christmas party in January with a group of my close friends.
It was after the Christmas party where he dropped a bomb on me by revealing he had gotten accepted into a language program in Japan. He’ll be moving in July. I became visibly upset. I’ve introduced him to my friends and family and now he’s moving halfway across the world? I felt so angry and disappointed at the same time, and these were feelings I couldn’t hold in. After some reflecting, I began to wonder if I could even be upset in the first place. We weren’t a couple. After all, it had only been a few months. 3 months to be exact. I talked about it with my friends and had gotten some mixed responses about the situation.
I agreed to continue seeing him until he’d leave. Not long after, he revealed he’d be moving back to Virginia, where he was originally from. This would be at the end of March, when his lease ends. I realized that dating him was like a House of Cards if I decided to argue about things in the limited time we had left. At some point, arguing just wasn’t worth it anymore. How he brings something up, or how he doesn’t bring something up until it became a topic of conversation, was just who he was as a person. It was something I had to accept if I wanted to continue seeing him. We were complete opposites in some regards, and very similar in others. Somehow, it worked because we managed to squeeze in an entire relationship in a matter of 5 months.
A few weeks ago, I found out he had some issues with his work in regards to relocating to the East Coast. So he’s decided to stay in the West Coast until he moves to Japan. Apartment-hunting in SoCal is anything but easy. Again, it’s another spur-of-the-moment type of situation. Maybe that’s just how our relationship is meant to be — sometimes difficult and often impromptu, but somehow always works out in the end.
