Fear-Driven Desire : Did I Accidentally Press the Button ?
I talked about relationship with my wife quite a lot in my earlier posts.
I talked about her cheating, my heart break, emotional distancing between us.
I talked about how I tried to make things better for myself.
I also talked a little about — what did I do to bring respect for myself in my marriage ?
One thing was clear to me that with so much issues between us, sex is terribly missing in our relationship.
Yes, I am talking about good sex.
I really do not know why but we had a prolonged dead bedroom in our married life.
For long time, she was not interested to get intimate with me.
I felt bad. I tried to communicate.
We went for couple therapy but nothing worked well.
Every time I wanted sex badly, she reluctantly indulged into it and then a prolonged dry spell.
But everything changed for a good when our relationship hit the rock bottom !
After I discovered her infidelity there was lots of ups and downs in our relationship but we stayed together.
There was no intimacy and no love initially.
We decided to stay together to support our boy who had congenital disorder.
But then her behavior towards me made me so irritated at a point that I decided — enough is enough, I will leave this toxic relationship.
It was April end. One day when she came back from office, I told her I want to leave.
I told her, it is for the good that we should call this marriage an end. We should seek a fulfilling and happy life separately.
At that point, I respected her as an individual. I thought she would be also happy to live a free life.
I was wrong.
I can still remember the next morning.
It was early morning and we were sleeping in the same room.
She touched my back suddenly in a way, she never touched for quite some time.
She wanted sex. She wanted badly.
She begged for it literally.
I was very confused. I was confused about her intention.
But she was furious. She was allover me.
She was ready to do anything to turn me on. OMG !
And then we had a long and unbelievably passionate sex.
End of it, I was happy and she started crying.
She cuddled me and told me, she don’t want to leave me.
Believe me, I did not know how to react to this sudden burst of love and intimacy.
I was confused whole week but we never talked about our disagreements and differences in that week.
I also did not talk with her about the great passionate sex we had after quite some time.
And then something mysterious happened.
On the next weekend, she told me to stay with her in the afternoon to watch a web series episode together.
Though I watched the episode earlier, I generally prefer to be kind to her. So, I stayed back with her in our living room after the lunch.
We were alone and it was an interesting part of the episode and suddenly she switched off the TV.
She was in the mood and we had one of the most passionate sex ever.
She almost did everything wildest, a man can dream of !
I was thinking next day.. WTF !!
I did not know how to react.
Needless to say this season of great and pleasurable sex continued in the highway and both of us started enjoying it.
Good vibes started between us and differences took back seat. We were more affectionate to each other.
I was very confused as to what happened suddenly which turned her on so much. I did not have any clue. Then I accidentally got to know about something very weird.
It is called Fear driven desire or fear driven sex drive !
I was reading an online mag and then landed to a psychologytoday article. You can read it in this link.
This article explains — why the sexual desire of women can increase dramatically when they face possible doomsday.
If the woman sense a serious threat of losing a steady family or losing her partner, there is a possibility that her physical urge comes back with all force to try to create a bond with her lover / husband.
But wait, this will not happen to everybody.
In my view, this will happen when you have high value in her eyes. If she considers, it will be a great loss for her to lose you and miss your masculine presence, then the trigger will only work.
It is really weird how human psychology works.
I never hurt her by intention but my genuine desire to leave the relationship pressed the right trigger in our relationship and sex.
End of the day, I understood it’s sexy for a man to know how to walkaway if required.
Next time if you are not happy with your relationship, do not hesitate to show your concern. Be bold. Be ready to walkaway.
