Hurt & Frustration In Relationships
Frustration and hurt are inevitable in intimate relationships. Why? Because we are flawed human beings who are bound to do things from time to time that are misattuned or don’t match our partners’ expectations. And for all kinds of reasons emotions run higher the closer we are tied. (See Why Do We Treat Our Loved Ones Worse Than Our Houseguests). The question is how to manage frustration and hurt so that they don’t become the dominant modes of communication, crowding out the good stuff. Because when that happens, relationships go to the grave.
First, let’s take a look at the makeup of these emotions, so we can understand what we’re talking about. Frustration is a variation of anger. Hurt is actually a blend of emotions, including anger, which tends to be the one most easily expressed. So both can come across with an angry — possibly hostile — tone. Anger in itself has value (as do all emotions). Its purpose is to energize us to either fight a threat, or to remove an obstacle in the way of a goal.
Hurt is a blend of emotions
Frustration comes up when something is thwarting our desire to accomplish something. This happens all the time in relationships because two people are not always going to want the same thing. Fairly often we even want opposite things! I’m a night owl and you’re an early bird. Or one partner is…
