Seeking Justice When You Are Wronged By Someone You Love
Sharpening the Point Until You Miss It
There are two ways of asking for what you want; you can be broad, or you can be precise. It’s possible to be too broad or too precise.
Let’s say you’ve been together for years and you have become vaguely dissatisfied. Nothing really bad has happened between you; but nothing exciting has happened, either. One year goes by after another and it’s the same thing. The fire’s gone out, the passion is quenched. You’re feeling taken for granted. You could complain; but what could you say? He may not know what you’re talking about. He may not know what to do about it. Your dissatisfaction is pretty vague.
So, you sharpen your point and be specific. You use the rupture ratio in an earlier post and identify what could make you feel warmer towards your partner and what makes you go cold. You come up with some specific things and complain about them directly. “You never bring me flowers, anymore… You never talk about how you feel… You never thank me for all the things I do for you…” And so on.
That’s getting pretty specific. It gives him something to work on, some concrete examples; and it gives you a solid standard so that you can measure progress or stagnation. If you have never operationalized your dissatisfaction in…
