How to Save a Relationship
Chapter 11 of “Hold On”: University 2012
(N.B. I’m writing a novel, a chapter a week, here on Medium. Find out why I write here, start from Chapter 1 here, and always feel free to give me feedback in the comments. I write here for the community.)
Hira and Ahmad walked towards the tree in the sun. It was not a hot day, there was a light breeze in the air. Hira nervously fixed her peeking hair strangles from under her dupata while they walked. It was her favorite spot, she felt secure in this surrounding.
Hira said, “I wanted to talk to you for a few weeks but could not muster up the courage”.
Ahmad nodded and said, “I could feel but preferred to wait for you instead of invading your space.”
Hira thanked him for understanding.
They sat on the grass under the shade of the oak tree. The early signs of spring made the breeze really pleasant for them.
Hira knew after Sadia’s advice that she needed to have that conversation. Even after replaying this conversation several hundred times in her head last night, she still fumbled a little before starting.
“Ever since you mentioned last time about your decision to leave, it has been a very difficult time for me, I will not lie to you, Ahmed,” she paused, she could not believe these words came out of her mouth. She continued, “In a short period of time, I started feeling that you wanted to develop a relationship with me. Then I got worried that you had decided to leave for the US without consulting with me. I know it is a lot of expectation from my side to impose my preferences on you. Still, I wanted you to stay here. Your kindness and friendship have been a great support for me at this university. I liked every conversation and meeting with you,” she finished quickly, eyes welling up with tears.
Hira could feel the blood gushing up to her face. She felt her face and ears getting hot, suddenly, everything felt suffocating. It had not been easy for her, Ahmed felt that. He kept on looking into her teary eyes very intently, absorbing every word she uttered.
“Sorry, Hira, I did not realize this was such an emotional stress for you,” Ahmed spoke slowly, his words laced with genuine concern. Ahmad fixed his posture and paused to gather his thoughts. He wanted to remain as gentle as he could be. “My father,” he started, “My father is disturbed by the quality of education not up to the standard in Pakistan. He… he wants me to go to the US for higher studies, Hira.” He suddenly turned his entire body towards Hira which made her shift a little nervously towards her side but kept her gaze on his face. “I… I, Hira, I never want to leave you,” Ahmed dropped his gaze lower as soon as confessed his feelings. “…but my father…I am now waiting for the decisions from universities,” he finished quietly
Tears dropped from Hira’s eyes. Even she could not comprehend whether these tears were out of joy that a boy like Ahmed, who she thought is out of her league, is interested in her, or tears of anguish that how she was dubious of Ahmed’s sincerity.
“Hira it’s been so difficult for me to make this decision for myself. My father has worked so hard to give me this life and now he is opening doors for me that for some are a distant dream. My heart…my heart is at a tug of war whether to remain here or fulfill my father’s wishes,” Ahmed continued slowly. “After much contemplation and deliberation, I have decided to obey my father and fulfill his desires.”
Ahmed was surprised at himself when his right hand softly clenched at her hand. It felt exhilarating to both. Instinctively Hira tried to pull away her hand, but Ahmed refused to let go. She stopped resisting. She looked down at their hands and embraced the warmth that was exchanged between them. Perplexed, Hira was finding cues on his face. No guy had ever held her hand. “I will take this liberty to ask you to still consider a relationship with me, albeit long distance, but I want us to have a chance at a life together”. He pulled her hand a little closer, “Hira I want to see how it evolves.”
“I will come back to Pakistan after graduation, I cannot stay away from you.”
Hira squeezed her eyes shut and tears came running down. It was a lot of emotions and information for a small period. She wiped out the tears from her face with her sleeve. “Thanks…thank you Ahmed for being honest with me,” she sniffed. “I am glad to know how you feel about me”. Hira wanted to get up but her body refused to pull away her hand from his grasp. She took a deep breath and pulled away. Then Hira mentioned that her father must be arriving soon and she needed to rush to the gate. She stood up fixed her kameez, and fixed her hair from under her dupatta to compose herself from the shock that she just received. She said goodbye to Ahmad and walked towards the gate. Everything looked different to her today.
Sitting on the back seat of her father’s motorbike, her mind was running at 100 miles per hour speed. She thought how her parents would react if they get to know Hira let Ahmad touch her hand. This thought took Hira on a guilt trip. Her father had been saying to her regularly to avoid indulging in activities that will undermine his respect.
At home, today’s events occupied her mind. She thought about Ahmed in mundane tasks. She continued thinking about it while making dinner and later at the dastar khawan as well. Late night, as usual, Hira found refuge in her pillow as her brothers slept in the same room. She cried with happiness and guilt. For a moment she thought, how every night she can rely on her pillow to cry and share all of her guilts, rare joys, and sorrows. The pillow is always there for her without judging her and without being tired of her. Pillow is her friend.
