Expecting a Fifth Child
Chapter 15 of “Hold On”: Chamkani 2012
(N.B. I’m writing a novel, a chapter a week, here on Medium. Find out why I write here, start from Chapter 1 here, and always feel free to give me feedback in the comments. I write here for the community.)
One chilly afternoon, Hira served tea to her father. Her brothers were playing outside in the street. After serving tea, Hira returned to the kitchen to help her mom cook dinner. They were shelling peas when there was a knock at the door. Aftab was about to stand up and go see who was at the door but Hira asked him to keep sitting. She went to the door and spoke loudly, “Who is it?”.
A low voice came, “Open the door, I am Shafaq”.
Hira opened the door. Shafaq was carrying her 1-year-old daughter in her arms. She looked pale and weak and had grown quite thin. Her face was devoid of any color. Her clothes were soiled as well. Hira looked at her sister and noticed that she was swollen and empty. Hira quickly grabbed the little baby from Shafaq, reeling with shock at her sister’s condition. Meanwhile, Aftab and Nosheen had also come over to the door and were looking at their elder daughter and her poor condition. Shafaq rushed to her mom, hugged her, and started crying. Nosheen asked her to sit and tell why she had arrived unannounced. Aftab also hugged Shafaq. Hira brought a glass of water for her sister.
Shafaq got married in 2006 and had given birth to 4 babies in the last six years.
She gave birth to the last two children through c-section. Her health had deteriorated a lot at the age of 21. She looked like a woman in her mid-50s. Lately, her husband’s business had not been doing well. He was spending most of the time at home and had been unable to control his anger. He had been so frustrated that he had been beating the kids and Shafaq on small issues.
Shafaq said that she was exhausted from looking after their small children all alone, and then having to do all the cooking and chores. Even small delays in food antagonized her husband and he would start yelling. Yesterday, he had asked Shafaq to leave his house and had kept all children at home while allowing her to take the youngest one only. He had asked her to bring money from her father because he had to repay some debt urgently.
Nosheen asked Aftab to arrange some money for her so that she could go back to her home. Hira tried to interject that they should be concerned about Shafaq’s health and how she unhappy she was in her married life. Nosheen snubbed Hira saying that she did not know anything as her father had sent her to the university instead of getting her married off. Aftab was worried after seeing the poor condition of Shafaq and wanted to rescue his daughter but his options were limited. He asked Shafaq if she wanted to go back to her husband or not. Shafaq said that it was not possible for her to live without her children. She would go back and stay with her kids, and could tolerate her violent husband for their sake.
Nosheen told her that things would get better once her kids grow up. “It is normal for men to get stressed when they have to feed a family with a failing business”.
Aftab told Nosheen that he did not have any money left after paying all bills and fees of the children. Nosheen asked him to get some loan from his office colleagues. Hira looked at her father who looked pale and lost.
Later, after dinner, Hira got a chance to spend some time with her sister. Hira did not know how to talk to Shafaq, now that she knew how miserable her life was. Shafaq then began, “Hira, I, um, I think it is good that you are studying at the university. You will be able to do a job and will be in a better position after you get married, than what is happening with me. I wish I had studied more”.
Hira remained quiet and tried to absorb everything. She did not want to feel that she was better than her sister. She just wanted to help her but she was simply unable to. She could only tell her that having multiple children in such a short interval had been a mistake. It had a toll on her health. Her once fair, pretty, and pink sister had lost all her color. Shafaq had always been the one who wore bright colors and they did compliment her personality but now she seemed to be an old woman with freckles on her cheeks and wrinkles around her eyes.
Shafaq replied, “I don’t know anything about how to space out kids’ births”. She said that they were trying to have a fifth baby. Though the doctor told her not to have another baby so soon after her daughter's birth as it had been a difficult procedure to deliver the fourth baby.”
The next day, Aftab dropped Hira at the university. He was very quiet. He arranged some loan and went back home to give the money to Shafaq for her husband. Later he went to the university to pick Hira. When Hira came home she understood her father had already arranged money. That’s why Shafaq was not at home and had gone back to her in-laws. Hira just could not talk about it with her parents but she knew that it was all wrong: What had happened with Shafaq and what was happening with her parents, especially her father who was a very kind and gentle man. How could he tolerate what was happening to his daughter?
Shafaq had been caring for her children, but it had not stopped there. She did not get any love or even care from anyone, neither her husband nor her inlaws. But it was not just that they made her suffer with the constant burden of house chores and continuous childbirth. She was emotionally withdrawn and in a constant state of fear. Her husband had started abusing her and now things had reached their worst point. She was depressed. Hira could see and feel it but could not do anything about it. Not even say a word about it. It was all inside her. Her heart felt as if it would break apart. She could only pray and make dua for her sister and her parents.
