The hug conveyed more than any words could
Chapter 40 of Hold On: Islamabad Fall 2019
(N.B. I’m writing a novel, a chapter a week, here on Medium. Find out why I write here, start from Chapter 1 here, and always feel free to give me feedback in the comments. I write here for the community.)
Over the past year, Hira’s life had transformed in ways she could not have predicted. She had moved into a place of her own, and made progress in her career that ensured her complete independence, and allowed her to pursue her passion. The joy of progressing in her career was complemented by the immense satisfaction she derived from helping the people around her. To be surrounded by a support system had long been a dream of hers, and to be in a position where she could now give back to them seemed a privilege. This sense of accomplishment in all the areas of her life had ushered a deep sense of tranquility that made this year a relatively serene chapter in her autobiography.
Meanwhile, her lifelong friend Sadia had immigrated to the chilly expanses of Canada with her husband to begin a new chapter of her life. This advent of different time zones had inevitably reduced the frequency of their heart-to-heart conversations, but the strong bond they shared refused to diminish. They still found time to catch up, reminisce about old times, and share updates about their current lives.
During one of these calls, when Hira was coiled up on her couch after an exhausting day’s work, her emotions welled up. She felt a wave of gratitude wash over her, and despite her trembling voice, she wished to make it known.
“You and Ahmad were my rock during our school and university days. I never thought I would find such an unwavering support network, but God really has been kind. Thanks to the support both of you lent to me, I am capable enough to do the same for others. Now, I lead my own team, I look after my ailing mother, and I guide my siblings.”
Sadia, ever the gracious friend, responded warmly. “Ahhaa, you’ve always been sensible, even in school. You were a gem just waiting to be discovered. And you know me, I’ve always had an eye for talent and kindness!”
Their laughter echoed over the phone, traversing hundreds of miles. At the end of the day, they were two old friends sharing a heartfelt moment across continents, their relationship untarnished by time.
Before hanging up, Sadia added, “I have a doctor’s appointment today. Our little one seems quite eager to enter the world!” Hira wished them both well, her heart filled with happiness for her friend’s impending induction into the realm of motherhood.
Hira was also looking forward to the homecoming of Sana and Sanwal, who had both completed their PhDs and had secured positions at a private university in Islamabad. Sana had gotten in touch with her recently, to update her on their travelling schedule, and to communicate that they would be meeting in about a week’s time. Hira had been overjoyed to receive this news, as she would finally get to meet Sana after years.
Back home, Hira’s family had been doing well. Her younger brother Shafique had finally embarked on his career as a Sub-Inspector and his training was almost complete. When they had found out that he had been selected for the position, their mother, Nosheen, was overjoyed. She immediately rang Hira, her voice brimming with happiness as she relayed the news.
The following day, they were in for another surprise. Hira’s elder sister’s in-laws paid a long-overdue visit. They were delighted to discover they now had a police officer in the family. The knowledge that their daughter-in-law’s brother was now a police officer put an abrupt halt to the domestic abuse Hira’s sister had been facing for years. This, understandably, only heightened Nosheen’s happiness.
However, during one of their weekly hospital visits, Nosheen made a comment that left Hira somewhat disheartened.
“Shafique will bring honor to our family,” she stated. “It’s good he didn’t follow your example of working in the private sphere. Ever since he joined the police, we have had a newfound respect in society. I couldn’t even keep track of all the people that came to visit us after they found out. Now everyone knows that we have gone up in the world, so they want to be on cordial terms.”
Initially, Hira felt a pang of sadness. She had been the family’s support for several years, and yet, her mother conveniently set her contributions aside, even dismissing the source of income that had kept the family afloat for a couple of years. Her brother’s recent achievement seemed to overshadow everything she had been doing so consistently for her family. Yet, Hira brushed these feelings aside, rationalizing her mother’s joy, and knowing that it was simply her way of expressing happiness.
Sarmad had begun consulting a psychiatrist, a decision he made after some encouragement from Hira. His progress was gradual but steady, as he slowly reduced the addictive drugs he had been taking. Whenever his domestic life became too much to bear, Sarmad would turn to Hira. Sometimes, even before he could articulate it, Hira would sense a particular quiet restlessness about him, or a sadness in his eyes. She had become attuned to Sarmad’s emotions, so any action that was out of place would allow her to gauge that something was wrong. Encouraging him to share his feelings, Hira always lent a patient ear, helping him navigate the turmoil he felt within.
Just a few days prior, Sarmad had sent Hira a text message after returning from a family friend’s wedding. The message read, “My parents wouldn’t stop comparing me to the groom. They kept going on about how proud his parents must be that their son was following the correct path in life. They kept reiterating how he looked more masculine, how stable his career was, and how he was getting married at the right age. It was difficult to sit through. I hope no one ever has to sit through something like that.”
Hira, ever empathetic, responded with warmth and understanding, “I can understand, Sarmad. I feel sorry that you had to experience that. Let’s talk more about it tomorrow. Just remember, don’t stop your medication, no matter what. You’re on the right track. This difficult time shall pass too, God willing.”
Unconsciously, helping Sarmad and other members of her team through difficult times became a way for Hira to escape her own problems. In some ways, Hira liked being able to help others navigate their struggles, because she could not work through her own difficulties, and at least this way someone would gain the benefit, even if was not Hira herself.
Sarmad’s initial visits to the psychiatrist proved to be quite overwhelming for him. He was taken aback when the doctor diagnosed him with bipolar disorder, and said Sarmad had been living with the condition since his childhood. The doctor also said that this affliction explained why Sarmad resorted to drugs in the first place, when he would go through low phases.
This revelation marked a new undertaking for Sarmad, and provided him with the tools he needed to understand and manage his mental illness. The diagnosis sparked a new gratitude towards Hira for recommending that he see a professional. Without Hira’s guidance, he would have remained oblivious to his condition.
“I don’t know why my parents never considered this possibility. I doubt they even paid enough attention to notice the signs,” Sarmad told Hira one day, his voice laced with frustration. “Instead of trying to understand, or even listen to me, they chose to scold me for something I couldn’t even control.”
Top of Form
They were having this discussion in an upscale café nestled within the bustling Kohsar Market. The place was teeming with life, with chatter and laughter bouncing off the walls, yet there was a heaviness around their table. Sarmad has begun working his way through his past trauma with the help of his psychiatrist, and it was evidently not an easy journey.
Hira turned to him, her voice gentle but firm, “Sarmad, there’s nothing to gain by dwelling on the past. You’ve been diagnosed properly now, and that’s what matters. You have the reins to control your own life with, let’s focus on what we can do to ensure that this illness no longer gets the best of you.”
Sarmad remained silent for a while, absorbing Hira’s words. He had been overwhelmed by life recently; with the diagnosis, his emotions, his anger. But even in this state, he knew to pay attention to Hira, as she was always the one to offer sane advice.
Before parting ways, Hira gave him a reassuring hug at the entrance of the café. This simple gesture conveyed more than any words could. He could sense her saying to him, “You’re not alone. I’m always here for you.”
In the days that followed, Hira found her thoughts frequently drifting towards Sarmad. The more she read up on bipolar disorder, the more shaken she felt, envisioning how a young child had to deal with this condition alone, with no support. It made her more determined to help him, to ensure that his future would be far brighter than his past.
At work, Hira was making significant strides. She had climbed up the ranks to become a team lead for the computer vision department, and under her guidance, the team had grown to include around a dozen AI engineers. Hira was a supportive and caring leader to everyone in her team, but her bond with Sarmad possessed a unique depth.
She often shared her progress with Ahmad, the one person who had seen her through everything and had been from the start. He was always delighted to hear of her achievements. During one of their conversations, she told him,
“We’re getting close to our product release. After the second round of funding, we were able to both accelerate our work and expand the team. If everything goes well, I think we’ll be ready to exit by the end of this year.”
Hira wished him good luck for his startup and shared how she frequently prayed for its success. These conversations with Ahmad were a grounding force for her, and as they had always been.
All these developments in Hira’s life had brought her a sense of calm and comfort that she hadn’t felt in a while. Little did she know, it wouldn’t stay that way for much longer.
