Life |It Happened To Me|Death

My Dad Died, Why Do I Feel This Conflict?

Part of Me Feels Ashamed Because I Also Feel a Sense of Relief

Dad in his younger days — a family man — there’s something special about old black and white photos— © Image by author

“Death ends a life, not a relationship” Mitch Albom

My dad died. The reality is still sinking in. Even though I knew it was going to happen, now that it has, I am left with a mixture of emotions that I am struggling to reconcile.

Does anyone else feel this way when they lose someone close to them?

Photo by Marian Brandt on Unsplash

I have spoken of my dad’s illness and the challenges this presented here. He had been living cancer-free for 10 years, as he had beaten esophageal cancer once before until it returned in December 2021. This time he was much older at 82 years. It also came back with a vengeance, affecting his ability to do the most basic of things to sustain life, eat food.

By this stage, Dad was living alone in New Zealand. We had lost our mum two years ago and had coped with loss across the miles. With no other family to support him, I did not hesitate, I arranged to travel to New Zealand from the UK in March 2022. My…