Social Media Isn’t for You
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Having been on social media for a couple years, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that it isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I first met myspace in high school when I was like 15 or teething or something. We were top-eights for like ten years until…until we decided we no longer wanted to be friends. :) I strongly recommend that you switch to Facebook or Twitter or whatever if you’re still using My______. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with Facebook did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about switching networks. The nearer Facebook and I approached the decision to really dive in and do this thing up right with a cover photo and—damn, why not even send a few b-day gift cards like it’s always asking—the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice home-paging Facebook and not Encarta? Would Mark ever really like my prof pic? Would his IPO go without hitch?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, like in the movie “Gravity” starring Sandra Bullock and directed by the dude that made Children of the Corn or w/e.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Nic, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“You kids these days with your dub steps and face books and Justice Beavers and string cheeses. Can’t make sense of it. Back in my day string wasn’t a cheese, son.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that my friends and followers would guide me. I realized that I wanted to make them happy; to see them smile every day, to make them laugh every day. I wanted to follow myself, and my followers in turn follow me twice. And thinking back on all the times I had seen my followers RT and Fav me, I knew they would follow me to the edges of the earth as I started to rebuild my social brand.
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Starbucks philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, there are literally four hundred other coffee shops that you can pretend you’re writing your novel at while you Facebook stalk high school friends that have gotten really, really, seriously rotund and you can sit there and sip your soy latte with sugar-free vanilla flavoring and think ‘things really aren’t so bad for you after all, and hell, maybe it’s time for a new prof.’
No, a true social network (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—which, yes, is you, but you must pretend—nay, believe!—you’re doing it for the people around you. An ouroboros of social media desire. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can you give in 140 or fewer?”
Some time ago, my Twitter followers showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. How was I losing followers?
I was sharing quality content and I had nothing to show for it, in the way of Interactions or Klout score. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I tweeted a gif of a guy falling on his face. An apt metaphor.
But instead of sending me their own favorite gifs, my followers did something beyond wonderful—they fav’d and RT’d me with an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and anguish I had caused by no longer tweeting about video games after leaving IGN, they lovingly took my cat gifs and lame puns in their arms and soothed my soul.
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While my followers side of the relationship had been to love me, my side of the relationship had become all about quality content, not Gifs, dub step jokes, and string cheeses. This awesome realization brought me to tears, and I promised my followers that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article—Tweeters, Facebookers, Instagrammers, or even the sworn My____er—I want you to know that social media isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about your followers.
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love those people, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have been followed by had your love remained selfie-centered.
Truly, social media isn’t for you. It’s for others.
