The Bully in Our Brain
By: Terra Orgeron
Mental Health conditions are often described as “bullies”. However, keeping a healthy mind often means dealing with the “bully in our brain”, regardless of the state of our mental health.
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Trigger Warning: this article mentions self-harm; suicide; eating disorders, and anxiety.
While writing last week’s post about bullying, it dawned on me that bullying does not always come from an external source, and that the “bully in our brain” can be even more damaging because it is with us all the time.
There are 4 types of bullying: physical, verbal, relational, and cyberbullying. Often, what goes on in our brains could be classified into one or more of these categories.
1. Physical:
Keep in mind that our actions can have a lasting impact on our bodies and hence healthy eating, getting enough physical activity and sleep are all important ways to take care of ourselves. However, the “bully in our brains” can also do serious harm to our bodies…
a) Self-harm
What is it?
According to NAMI, self-harm is hurting oneself on purpose (cutting, burning, impact with objects) to the point of bruising or bleeding.
What can we do?
Treatment for self-harm will vary depending on the underlying reasons and related mental health. Psychotherapy, in the form of CBT, DBT, psychodynamic, or mindfulness-based, is helpful in identifying and managing triggers, learning stress management and problem solving skills, self image and relationships.
Resources:
Self-Injury Outreach & Support is an excellent online resource to begin healing.
b) Drug and Alcohol Abuse
What is it?
Drug addiction is defined as a “chronic, relapsing brain disease that is characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use, despite harmful consequences.” It can cause changes to the brain.
What can we do?
Addiction is a treatable condition involving withdrawal from the substance, cognitive behavioral therapy for coexisting disorders, and rehabilitation.
Resources:
The Addiction Recovery Guide is a valuable starting point for finding treatment.
c) Eating Disorders
What are they?
The National Eating Disorder Association defines eating disorders as “[…]extreme emotions, attitudes, and behaviors surrounding weight and food issues” and they can have life-threatening consequences.
What can we do?
Treatment for eating disorders should include psychotherapy tailored to the particular type of disorder and any coexisting conditions, along with close attention to medical and nutritional needs.
Resources:
Eating Disorder Hope provides a searchable listing of support groups by state or online.
d) Suicidal Ideation / Suicide
What is it?
Medical News Today explains that suicidal thoughts can range from a fleeting consideration to detailed plan to kill oneself, without actually doing it, which is suicide.
What can we do?
If you, or someone you know is contemplating suicide, get immediate help.
Resources:
Visit Suicide Prevention Lifeline or dial 1–800–273-TALK (8255)
2. Verbal
Our words can have lasting impact on anyone, including ourselves. Making an effort to use positive language, internally and externally, is as key to keep a healthy self esteem as to understand that other people’s opinions about us are just that…
Take a peek at how “bully in our brains” can verbally abuse us and how to stop it.
a) Negative Self-Talk
What is it?
Self-deprecating thoughts are associated with the rumination side of our internal monologue, which is the act of being caught up in a cycle of negative thoughts that can be destructive to our mental health.
Examples of negative thinking:
- Polarizing — black and white thinking
- Filtering — paying attention to only select information, such as rejection or unfairness
- Self-blame — feeling responsible for circumstances out of your control
- Mind reading — think that someone is reacting negatively to you, without any evidence
What can we do?
Tackle it with healthy self-reflection -the other part of our internal monologue- which can help us to achieve a realistic mindset by balancing acceptance with positive self-improvement.
Resources:
Neurolinguistic Programming has some fun tactics to silence the bully in our brains once and for all NPL works because our brain takes information literally. It’s not even suspension of disbelief… Here, from Total Mind Therapy, we gather the most important bits:
If it’s really the voice of reason, thank your “inner critic” for pointing out the issues and then ask it to speak to you in a loving manner, a way that you can better understand and accept.
If your negative self talk is not valid: turn down its volume, change it’s speed until it becomes a weird sound, change the voice to that of a character, lock it away… and use your own voice substitute a positive affirmation for your negative self talk.
3. Relational
The amount of socialization we need varies depending on whether we are introverts or extroverts, but problems can arise either if we isolate ourselves or when we use social interactions as a way to avoid responsibilities and looking in.
a) Social anxiety
What is it?
Social anxiety disorder causes us to avoid interacting with people or the public due to anxiety and fear of social situations. This affects our ability to do everyday things, such as work or school, visiting with friends, or going places.
What can we do?
Psychotherapy is of utmost importance. Giving oneself time and acceptance is key. Doing our best everyday and recognizing our wins, big and small, is way to promote self-love, which in turn makes dealing with social situations easier.
Resources:
The Social Anxiety Association is a valuable resource to learn about more social anxiety and treatment options. On their site you will find links to community groups, current news, and tips on how to find the best treatment options.
b) Loneliness
What is it?
Loneliness comes from a feeling of emotional isolation. The pain of social rejection is triggered by the same neural wiring as physical pain. As you experience more pain, you naturally retreat into deeper isolation. This is the most misunderstood part of social anxiety and loneliness.
What can we do?
Putting oneself out there when one is vulnerable is no easy feat, it’s a real act of bravery and one’s got to be prepared for it. Professional help, such a psychotherapy or group therapy, which can enhance our empathy and our ability to recognize it, is an important step to overcome loneliness.
Resources:
10 More Ideas to Help with Loneliness provides a list of healthy ways to help overcome loneliness. These include realizing that it is a feeling, not a fact, and reaching out and making a plan to defeat the habits of loneliness.
4. Cyberbullying
In the age of social media, selfies and pinterest, it’s no wonder our minds can cyber-bully us by comparing our reality to the one we see curated on screen…
a) Social Comparison
What is it?
Social comparison theory states that we determine our own social and personal worth by comparing ourselves to others, which is easier now thanks to social media. These comparisons can be used in positive ways to better ourselves, but it can also have a negative impact, such as the development of envy or leading to a feeling of not measuring up.
What can we do?
A Social Media cleanse can come in handy once in awhile and help put things in perspective. One can also approach Social Media as if it was clutter and keep following what makes us happy and unfollow what doesn’t bring us joy.
Resources:
One recent study suggests that how we use social media, actively or passively, may play a role in determining its effects on us.
This article can help you see if a SM Cleanse would be good for you.
There are so many ways we can stop and prevent The Bully in Our Brain, becoming aware of its existence is one of the first steps to change this. Using a safe source, such as if-me.org, can help us become more mindful of our thinking processes. By recording our Moments, we will become aware of patterns and be able to take steps to change them, building up our Strategies. We can also share these Moments with our trusted Allies for support and feedback.
If-me.org is an open-source project that is committed to providing a safe place to track our personal mental health. Our app is built and maintained solely by volunteers from all different backgrounds. If you are interested in contributing, please contact us.
For an in depth look at the discussed topics, we recommend: mentalhealthamerica.net, drugabuse.gov, psychealive.org, psychologytoday.com, a.net/self-injury.
