Calling Our Spirits Home: Gateways to Full Consciousness
Chapter Two
Awakening to Consciousness
We join spokes together in a wheel,
but it is the center hole
that makes the wagon move.
We shape clay into a pot,
but it is the emptiness inside
that holds whatever we want.
We hammer wood for a house,
but it is the inner space
that makes it livable.
We work with being,
but non-being is what we use.⏤Tao Te Ching: A New English Version [i]
Robert is the average Western man with the average Western life. He is married. He and his wife have a child and have thoughts of having another sometime in the not-so-distant future. Both husband and wife work at jobs they just tolerate to pay the bills. They love. They quarrel. They care for their child in ways they best know how. Once in a while, Robert invites his wife out to dinner and a movie. This is the life that is played out in countless homes and offices⏤and Robert does not sleep at night. He has voices in his head, yammering, insistent, contradictory voices that rarely let up. They are the voices of his father, mother, sister, brother, wife, boss, along with the various parts of himself he gives voice to inside his mind. The overload keeps him stuck. As he goes through his day, the rate and frequency of the messages increase so that by the evening when it is time to slow down, he is punch-drunk from the tornado of his thoughts.
Then, long after his wife and child are asleep, he creeps out into the dark night. He steals over to the far end of his backyard where he settles into his child’s swing and he turns his face upward to the skies. His eyes gaze at the stars and an interesting thing begins to happen. The more he allows himself to contemplate the dimensions of space, the more peaceful he becomes. The voices become increasingly softer, the messages wavering, the frequency transitory, until finally sweet silence prevails. The only sound that Robert hears is the rhythmic chirping of the crickets that he finds somehow comforting. He gets up with a sigh of release and goes into the house to find his bed; he slips into sleep.
Ancient Wisdom
What ancient inner wisdom drew Robert out into the night to connect with the elements and bring peace to the goblins of his mind? Several hundreds of years ago, when the conquistadors massacred their way through Peru, some of the Indigenous peoples withdrew to the highest peaks of the central Andes. At 15,000 feet, the Q’ero, ancient advisors to the Incas, remained secluded for centuries. Here they still live intimately connected to nature and call upon the spirits of the mountains, the wind, the sun and the moon to participate in a sacred manner in their lives.
In the Outback of Australia, Aborigines go on a walk-about. They carry little water and no other provisions with them through a vast parched desert. They begin the day with a prayer of thanks to Oneness for the day that greets them. They ask for the “highest good to be manifested.” They know they will be guided to sustenance, as they need it.[ii]
In West Africa, the members of the Dagara tribe believe that all people are born into this life with a special purpose. The elders perform a ritual with the pregnant mother wherein they commune with the ancestors about the unborn child. Based upon this communication, the unborn child is named to reflect her destiny.[1][iii] During initiation rites, young boys jump through a blanket of buffalo skins to another dimension of space-time where they are tested for their readiness for manhood. Some never return.[iv]
In the Andes, the Q’ero prophesy what they call pacha cuti which is essentially an end to history as we know it today. There have been countless other prophecies of the ending of the world, most with the world going out in a blaze of fire. Many people take the words and believe the literal⏤the end of the physical world. In a sense, this may well be true. When the Q’ero talk of pacha cuti they say there will be a great transformation consisting of a change of consciousness, the stepping outside of time. This is a time when the veil thins, awareness expands and we will discover that what we thought was unreal is, in fact, real.
Interestingly enough, for the Q’ero, the Aborigines, the Dagara, and many other Indigenous peoples these times will not be a transformation at all. It will be just a continuation of their own natural processes. But they have recognized that, in order to save Mother Earth from the destructive force of humanity, the majority of the people must have these awarenesses, not just the minority. Believing this, these peoples have sent their own to us as messengers of ancient ways.
Q’ero trained shaman Américo Yábar describes himself as a chakaruna, a human bridge of feeling between cultures. Working through the spirits of Mother Nature and the Cosmos, Don Américo moves energies to open hearts long shut down and guides connection to the elements. Malidoma Somé whose name means Befriends the stranger/enemy chronicles the journey to his destiny in the book Of Water and Spirit. Sent to the West by the Dagara elders, Malidoma and his wife Sobonfu, whose name means Keeper of the rituals, work with groups to re-introduce sacred ritual and community through tribal teachings. Marlo Morgan opened our eyes to Universal Oneness through her book Mutant Message Down Under about one woman’s journey on an Aboriginal walk-about. Even though she felt forced to write the book as fiction, Seekers recognize truth when they see it.
The work that these guides do, and others like them, can be summed up in the words of Don Américo.
The mountain lion goes to a place and finds his field of energy to eat, to sleep, and to be in contemplation of the world. He does this in a position of correct relationship with Mother Earth. When you become the mountain lion, you incorporate in yourself the spirit of the mountain lion. Like a mountain lion you will move. It is going to be your ally. If you can incorporate the spirit of the eagle, you will have a way to project your spirit that will be just natural for you.
I want you to understand that this is the work we are going to do⏤all our lives. The path I propose has no going back. Going back is not possible because of the natural dimension this path contains. It is a path that expresses the sensation of a mountain lion facing the world⏤and the childish joy that each one of us has inside.
Arousal of the Spirit
First must come the sparking, or the stimulation, to follow the path. At some point there is a flickering, a slight awakening as though we had been aroused from a long and dreamless sleep. We may not know what quickened our blood or even have conscious awareness that we had been aroused. Often, the entry into ourselves and our process takes the form of literally standing back from ourselves to observe our own language, actions and emotions.
There is Caleb whose body is infused with rage, whose mouth spits out the words, “I can’t live through another day of this!” to his empathic wife as he slams out the door to a job he deplores. While for the same man, there is another night when a friend is visiting and they spontaneously fall into drumming passionately, but not before Caleb cynically comments that his wife is “into this New Age stuff” and laughs, ridiculing his life partner. Yet, in the beating of the drums he comes home to himself and his heart lifts.
There is Karen who worked many years in an industry that brought moral conflict into her soul. While her nature and her work in the community stood for all things peaceful, she chose to earn her livelihood in an environment that fueled wars. When people in her community asked her where she worked, she would tell them, with downcast eyes. “Oh,” they would say with sympathetic looks, which were just a reflection of the shame she laid upon herself. Farther on in her process, when people would ask the question she would respond with, “I prostitute myself.” People would look at her then, startled. But this language signaled Karen’s dawning awareness of the major cause of discomfort in her life. Until finally, she chose to leave the environment that caused her internal conflict after so many years of feeling trapped, to fly free. Those she left behind wished her well, although the tone of their collective words said “this is not possible” and they acted as though she had escaped from a prison. Indeed she had, only it was one that she had built herself. When she talks of those times now, she acknowledges them and the wisdom that came as a result of her process. Then, she laughs and says, “That was another life!”
Interestingly enough, following close upon the heels of Karen’s decision to leave the environment she had been in so many years, and before she had let it be known to others, she received a promotion offer. This was a significant promotion offer in the way of both stature in the organization and monetary reward, one she had been pursuing for a long time. When she was approached, she turned it down without hesitation. She felt solid in her decision and very pleased with herself for doing what she felt at her core to be the best decision for who she really was. The phenomenon that Karen experienced can be considered a test along the way. The trick is to know when an event is a test wherein the person has the opportunity to confirm her convictions or if it is a synchronicity, a seeming coincidence that is really a signal. The answer is in the response of the individual. Karen responded without any nagging feeling of doubt or discomfort, and her decision reinforced her position.
A synchronous event is a signal that points the way when one is searching, or in its own way confirms the path. The response that someone has may be one of wonder, relief or confirmation, but confirmation of a different sort. An example of synchronicity would be when a particular book comes into your hands at just the time when it is needed or a person appears who has something to teach at just the moment when it is meaningful. A synchronicity may precipitate a decision, but there is a different quality to it. People will most often be able to tell the difference in their body-mind if they have opened awareness in these realms. A decision based upon a test will most often be felt in the part of the body that the Japanese term the hara, or belly center, as a sense of solidness. An awareness of synchronicity will most often be sensed as an opening or deepening somewhere in the heart through crown chakras, the higher yogic energy centers of the body, as though a light is shining on the path. It will lead to that solidity in the hara.
In Zora Neale Hurston’s book, Their Eyes Were Watching God, she introduces chapter one this way.
Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time. This is the life of men.
Now, women forget all those things they don’t want to remember, and remember everything they don’t want to forget. The dream is the truth. Then they act and do things accordingly.[v]
Representatives from either gender could argue whether action or non-action is the norm for either men or women. The notable statement from the quote above is that the dream is the truth. The reminder of how often people keep their dreams at bay is indeed also relevant. In the movie Husbands and Wives, Woody Allen has a line, Giving up one’s hopes, compromising one’s dreams is like putting on a grey hat.[vi] What better metaphor to describe the containment of being and dimness of vision relating to unlived dreams and the state of unconsciousness than the grey hat of compromise? Tests along the way and synchronicities are a road through compromise and onto truth.
The significant point that Karen made in the telling of her story was the acknowledging of the life she had led. Although that life no longer fit for her, there was a time when it did, in the same way that moving out of it was appropriate for her. Many people are prone to think they previously wasted their time when they transition from one phase in their life to another, from one relationship to another, from one job to another. Life is made up of varying levels of learning. That learning and how we handle it becomes a part of who we are. It adds to our experience. Winston Churchill aptly reflected human nature when he said, “Personally I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.” Through our learning we build upon our future.
We are not born all-knowing, even in what we want for ourselves. Life is discovery. While we may look at the life we have led up to this point and find it disjointed or meandering, if we were standing at the end of our lives and looking back over time we would be able to see the beautiful tapestry of it. We would be able to see how perfectly this thread wove into and blended with that thread, so that together they are so much more than they were as segregated parts.
From the vantage point of looking back into the past, it becomes interesting to find out if essentially the same lesson was presented time and time again. If so, then the learning did not yet fully take place and we then could only guess how many more times in the future the lesson will present itself for purposes of true mastery.
Sometimes it takes a serious wake-up call for us to get the message, and our bodies are often the messengers. Jeremy is a graduate of Stanford University with high honors in economics. After college, he went to work at a Wall Street-type investment firm. He had been working there for a couple of years when he began to become ill. He had all kinds of aches and pains and felt heavy and lethargic. Allopathic medicine could not find a cause. Finally, he could not get out of bed and for the next two years that was essentially where he remained. Over time, he had a dawning awareness that what ailed him was a full body/mind/spirit response to the line of work that he had initially chosen and its stressful, cut-throat environment. Slowly, he began to heal himself through meditation and yoga. Today, he works as a yoga teacher and massage therapist. He learned the hard way to be a free spirit and he role models it well. He has the engaging smile of a child and the eyes of an old soul.
The Pilgrim Emerges
So, the Arousing of the Spirit comes and it may come in a variety of ways. For Jeremy, it came unconsciously through his body. For others, it may come through a casual conversation where something someone said strikes a chord. For someone else, it may be through a passage in a book that turned the reader inward and then outward. For another, it may come by simply getting up one morning and really seeing the sky, the trees and the stones on the ground for the very first time. In whatever way the Arousing comes, the ways engender the emerging recognition that life is more than shuffling through the days of our lives with our eyes vacantly staring ahead in an unseeing trance. The Seeker begins to reach out for something fresh but perhaps ancient, something different but perhaps deeper, than what has been. In the Seeking, the individual becomes a Pilgrim, a wayfarer to a foreign land. Indeed, the life that she thought she knew so well becomes foreign to her.
Somehow, the Pilgrim now has more distinct vision, more clarity in hearing, more awareness in the sensing of her past and present. In the newfound experience or knowledge she feels “different” from who she was before. She may cry out, “I don’t know who I am anymore!” The identity has gotten soft, has loosened. She looks around life and in many aspects finds it lacking and in other ways finds a deepening. She becomes even more terrified looking into the future, which is a vague fog over a distant land. If she no longer knows who she is, then she certainly no longer knows where she is going, even if the going is just running in place.
It is important to note that, for most people, this process is relatively transparent to others around them. Sedonia Cahill, who leads wilderness vision quests, said of her process that she had often felt as though it was a mistake that she was here. She was just skimming through life, but she kept it together just fine as far as others knew. She had family and friends. On the outside, everything looked normal, while inside she felt like she was free-falling.
Separation from the Old Self
This is the second phase of the journey to true consciousness. If the first phase is the Arousal, the second phase is Separation. This is the separation from the old Self. In that separating, we look not only at ourselves to be aware of who we have been, but also our environment and our relationships in a different light. The question comes not only about the type of job we have, but also about our intimate relationships. This can be a time of great testing in a relationship. If one of the parties takes a sudden growth spurt and the other partner is not open to the growth or unwilling to join the path, a parting of the ways often occurs. Whether the relationship ends at that point or not, a parting has occurred. It is during these times that both partners have an opportunity to understand how solid or shifting is the foundation of their relationship. When partners have the dedication to ‘stay the course’ and move through issues such as this with understanding and love, then they come through these misty places more connected than ever before.
Often there may be a yearning to be in a different geographical location that now somehow seems better suited to who we are becoming. During my own journey, I found that I was strongly pulled to live in the Western mountains. I had been living in the inner part of an Ohio city. Each time I would go West and come back to the Midwest, the yearning would become stronger. Finally, each time I would return home I would come down with a respiratory illness. Metaphorically, I could no longer breathe where I was. After my move, my whole being felt a sense of relief, regardless that I had been quite happy for many years where I had previously lived.
The Pilgrim in Transition
Here an individual most needs the support of like-minded people, those who are authentic spiritual guides and those who are fellow journeyers. This is the time when the Pilgrim is most likely to feel isolated, totally alone even within a crowd. When the opening begins to come and the person has even small glimpses or experiences beyond ordinary reality, the first tendency in Western culture is to try to explain it. We tend to want to analyze it and pick it apart rather than just be in the realm of non-ordinary experience without giving in to the logical mind. There is no logic in these experiences and there are often no words. Yet, we want to share and understand to an extent. Typically, those who had been part of our world for so many years will sit there nodding with embarrassed half-smiles as we grope for words to translate our new dimension. Others may not be as tolerant and figuratively make the sign of the cross as though protecting themselves from mythological demons⏤and the Pilgrim is silenced. The silencing serves to further separate and isolate while the Pilgrim may be questioning her own sanity. There is no longer a foundation to stand upon. A fellow journeyer may not have any answers, but can at least nod knowingly. We each have only our own answers anyway. There is, however, a comfort in knowing that others are similarly where we are. We will know that we have not lost our minds. Indeed, we have opened them, along with our spirits and bodies. There is a true connection that begins to flicker within us and beam outward so that we do have the realization of the universal truth All are one.
Guidance Along the Way
A Spiritual Guide can encourage the student to peer into the fog of spiritual transition. It is written somewhere that in these times, there is a need to seek out a “Master.” That person is anyone who has traveled the path before you with wisdom, who can act as an ally, but does not teach the path. A real Master will leave some breadcrumbs on the path as a guide, but not a steady trail. Discovery and experience are the deepest channels to learning. The role of a Master is not to give the answers, but ask the questions. Then, there is limited dogma attached. If the Seeker should come upon a “teacher” who has all the answers, who, rather than guiding, directs thought and action, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. This “teacher” is working through ego and is not a teacher at all, but merely a conveyor of information. If, instead, the Seeker comes across those who, when looking into her eyes, their eyes radiate love and she feels embraced, who somehow creates an environment of safety and support, who offers gentle invitations and an explanation, but not the explanation then, these are individuals who are working through Spirit. In the words of Don Américo:
A Master is a presence⏤a Master is the river⏤a Master is the Pachamama. So, then, the Master is essentially a bridge of pure energy. And via this bridge, you have the opportunity to see your true selves and you can perceive your true identity.
A Question of the Church
According to Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, religion is an institutionalized system of attitudes, beliefs and practices having to do with manifesting devotion to an acknowledged ultimate reality or deity. Religions offer a prescription. Spiritual tradition has to do more with the incorporeal opening to the acknowledgement of that that is greater than we are. While rituals are often part of being in Spirit, there is not one ritual. Perhaps the Apache Chief Geronimo describes it best.
We had no churches, no religious organizations, no sabbath day, no holidays and yet we worshipped. Sometimes the whole tribe would assemble and sing and pray; sometimes a smaller number, perhaps only two or three. The songs had a few words, but were not formal. The singer would occasionally put such words as he wished instead of the usual tone sound. Sometimes we prayed in silence; sometimes each prayed aloud; sometimes an aged person prayed aloud for all of us. At other times one would rise and speak to us of our duties to each other and to Usen. Our services were short.
While some good has been done in the name of religion, much damage has been done. Joan is a woman who always felt called to be a priestess in her religion of origin. This calling went deep into her soul. Yet, due to her gender she could not act upon this calling because her religion did not allow it. Now years later, long after she left that church to join another where she is able to carry out her calling, intense grief and anger over those years of conditioning are still part of who she is and affect various parts of her life. It comes out in her language. Stories of abuse, bias and persecution operating within various religions are widespread. The incidents are often a well-kept secret within the bounds of the You-Name-It Church, but are being told more and more now outside those circles.
Part of the Separation phase may well have to do with leaving a religion of origin, meaning this was the religion introduced to the Pilgrim usually from her family of origin. Separating from one’s religion can be much more complicated than it may seem on the surface because it can be interminably bound up with one’s family. Conditioning goes normally derived from beliefs that got a foothold early in life. These beliefs tend to hang with us unless actively released. In effect, from the family’s viewpoint the Pilgrim may be heard to say, “I’m now different than you. I know more. Your ways don’t suit me.” The Church and the family may take action to pull the Pilgrim back into the fold to maintain homeostasis, and in the end may be angry or hurt at the Pilgrim’s refusal to return there. Then, with these additional rifts and questions, the Pilgrim truly does descend into the Dark Night of the Soul. This process increases the need of being in community with kindred spirits.
Separation of this kind does not always happen. People also find ways to operate within a system of origin, respecting the intent of it, while still traveling their path. Pauline is a woman in her seventies who has done much seeking in her life and has also experienced long hardships. She believes each person comes into life alone and isolated. Individuals have their own journeys and the spirit world is there to help us if we are open to learning. While she explored various traditions, Pauline remains devoutly Episcopalian because of the Mystery and her conviction of strength in numbers. She said, “There were many times I had to ‘go the mountain’ and the Church was always a focal point for me. There were people there who helped me and prayed for me. What we think is religion or spirituality is a pittance. It would be like me taking a cell in my hand and using it to try to explain who I am. You can’t put God in a box, a book or a philosophy.” Acknowledging the Bible, she said, “We get messages, but you have to break open the fruit so the sun can get to the seed.”
The Search
Separating from the old Self happens over time and overlaps with the next phase: Searching. This signals an entry into a void, but one of many possibilities. Here the Pilgrim is floating, looking for a place to land. What she knows is that the old ways of thinking and being no longer fit. It’s uncertain to the Pilgrim what the new identity is and how to play a part in this extended world.
The Importance of Your Own Practice
There are many spiritual and religious traditions and practices within them that will pave the way to opening, connection and meaning. There is no one way. The key is to find a practice that feels right and do it consistently whether it is prayer, chanting, tai chi, yoga, journaling or something else. Perform your practice with intent. Develop a mastery of your practice and it will take you where you need to go. Fifteen years ago, I taught myself to meditate with the help of two now classic books, Joy’s Way by Brugh Joy and Human Energy Systems by Jack Schwarz. My meditations focus on the breath, which opens and clears my chakras. When meditating in the early years, I experienced a sense of peace that any activity of focused attention can bring. It was not until several years later that I began to feel energy movement during these meditations⏤subtle energy that took me into an altered state. In this reality then, I delve deeper until I am in an ecstatic state of Oneness. The Oneness is beyond the body-mind. Yet, I often feel as though I am being energetically held and rocked by some incredible Presence. In this space, I sometimes have insights that I can take back to ordinary reality to guide myself and others. Certainly I can take that Presence and healing back into the world through my own Being.
It was only after years of consistent meditation practice that I have been able to go where I now go. At the same time, I know that there is even more depth yet to experience. Other spiritual experiences along the way have added to the deepening of my meditations. However, I had to be willing to spend years at a time on each plateau before the next leap of deepening would come, but my intuitive self somehow knew that the rewards would be great. This is the importance of devotion to a practice.
During the Searching phase, a practice is particularly significant. It will help you maintain your center in a time when all else may be chaos. When little else may be stable, a practice done with intent becomes a foundation. It becomes a sanctuary and a home. It enters into who you are and is carried with you as your integral being.
Markers of Progress in the Search
There is no set formula or prescribed length of time for the Searching phase to come to a close. It really depends upon the clarity of purpose the Seeker retains and level of willingness to release fear. While learning hopefully never ceases during our lifetimes, our progress in awakening will be signaled by a clearing and new grounding. During these times especially there are indicators that mark progress if the individual is aware and able to think metaphorically rather than literally. These indicators come as dreams, visions during meditations, or even actions or events that take on a larger meaning. In my own journey, there was a point when snakes would spontaneously appear to me during meditations. One particular vision I remember vividly involved a series of ridged stairs that I saw stretching steeply upward. As my internal eyes swept the stairway from bottom to top, the top of the stairs all of a sudden became the head of a snake looking down upon me and flicking its tongue. It was then that I realized that the stairs were actually the underbelly of the snake, dramatically rising. Coincidentally about this same time, I began to be more and more conscious of kundalini, the snaking fire energy, rising in my body and beginning to shoot its power up my spine.
Juanita attended a weeklong spiritual retreat. During the week, some of the neglected parts of her Self emerged to be exhibited in obnoxious behaviors. She was not able to immerse herself in the experiences offered due to her distractions. This phenomenon often happens during retreats such as the one that Juanita attended. Particularly when the environment feels most safe and supportive, the lessons we most need to learn will continually come up and slap us in the face to make us aware. Unless we acknowledge the lesson, events continue to arrange themselves in such a way in our lives that the lesson cannot be ignored, or we will remain stuck. Sitting around the campfire one evening, the spiritual guide told a story about letting go of the ego, so that Spirit may come through. He said when this happens it is as though a snake is shedding its skin. A week after the retreat ended, all the skin on Juanita’s palms and the soles of her feet peeled free. While human nature is to look for the burning bush of transformation or healing, it is really the small markers along the way, such as an image during meditation or an unconscious response to a story, that indicate the journey.
Spiritual searching began for Bob several years ago, but within the last few months of his searching his opening accelerated dramatically. By seeking out like-minded people, attention to spiritual practice and increased connection to nature, he paved his way. Bob is a humble man, who because of early conditioning, unconsciously kept his healing power and heart wisdom well under wraps. During the early summer, he had two experiences where he was exposed to a variety of spiritual teachers. These experiences had significant impact on him. For the rest of that summer, Bob was in a work environment where he had a great deal of free time. With this free time, he went into nature. Often, he went alone and reflected on the teachings and experiences from early summer and what they meant to him. It was during this time that he made a proclamation to the world. Like a snake shedding his skin, he shaved his head. In this way, the man who had been hiding now stood out from the crowd. It was then that he began to facilitate healing in others by the use of gentle words that leveraged opening, or unobtrusively using his hands to move subtle energies, or by taking someone who had been disconnected on a connecting walk into nature. He would do these things spontaneously but respectfully. Then, when he would realize what he had just done, tears would well up in his eyes to finally know himself.
In Christian doctrine, the serpent in the garden represents temptation of the Devil. Elsewhere it is an equally powerful symbol with different meanings. In Andean spiritual tradition, the snake represents the underworld or interior world. Here the underworld is the space of wisdom. If we acknowledge the temptation of wisdom and answer the call, we can no longer be subjugated to be less than we are. Interestingly enough, many people have a phobia of snakes.
Sometimes during Searching, the symbology of dreams may point the way to manifestations of the path. During a time when I was extensively questioning which choices I needed to make in the way of lifework, I had a dream which I recorded upon awakening.
In the dream, I was in England. I was on my way to the airport to pick up my partner when I realized I had lost my purse. We were staying in a quaint bed and breakfast outside of London. The concierge was a tall grey-haired spare-boned Englishwoman. Upon our return, she told me that Eugene O’Neill had called to say he had my purse. He would be waiting for me at a local pub to return it. Rather than going right to the pub, I got sidetracked and went off to do something with my partner. When we again returned to the bed and breakfast, the Englishwoman said Eugene O’Neill had called again to say he had waited a long time for me, and then he had to leave.
At the time, the dream was just an oddity. Visiting England meant little to me. I had been there years before. I had no reference point for Eugene O’Neill other than I knew something of his lifestyle as a writer. Writing as part of life’s work had been pushed into the background of my mind, not in the forefront since childhood. It was only later when going to England and beginning work on this book, that I understood my dream’s significance.
The Choice of Initiation
There comes a time in the Searching phase when the Pilgrim comes to a decision point. This is a choice point to move forward with intent and come out the other side as an Initiate or not. Having initiated oneself, one can then Come Home to the temple of the soul.
Spiritual searching for some people becomes a sort of unending psychoanalysis. It’s like going into the mind to poke and prod, but never leaving the cause to manifest mental and emotional health. There can always be the added uncovering, knowledge or experience…until the Searching becomes an eternal search for the Holy Grail and a refusal of one’s wholeness. At some point, the Holy Grail must be found.
One Pilgrim cried out in real anguish, “I wish someone would just show me a sign.” The sign is not an external reference but an internal reference. It is about leaving fear behind and opening to who we are in our true sense and our willingness to practice who we are. We don’t become open or loving by merely mouthing the word.
Here is another choice point for people in the Searching phase. They now know enough that the old way of existing is uncomfortable. They also know that there are other, deeper ways to live a life. The doorway is open, but it is the threshold a Pilgrim must cross in order to have that life. Hannah is a woman with many attributes, including one of healing. Hannah has been saddled with negative beliefs about her self-worth and abilities, and reinforces those beliefs through listening to internal voices. She plays out her pattern by starting projects and not finishing them and by pursuing learning experiences, but minimally putting the learning into practice…if at all. Her body is arthritic and has been most of her life. Her body mistakenly attacks itself, just as her mind attacks her psyche. She refuses to heal herself and step through the doorway. Hannah flits from one guru to another, hoping to find the answer outside herself. At the end of yet another in a string of spiritual retreats, she said to a fellow participant, “I see everyone else and their progress and compare myself to them. Why do they get it and I don’t?” With tears in her eyes she stood in the doorway, peering through and not seeing.
Leslie, an attorney in practice with his father, provided another angle on the choice point. He was in line to take over the company when his father retires. His persona was that of a bulldog, and his bark was as loud as his bite. He kept his body large to project a powerful image and hide the scared child he really was. Leslie felt a spiritual arousal and began some searching. In his Searching, he experienced a deepening and connection he had never experienced before. Knowing there was more, he began the Separation from his Old Self and how he stalked through life. In the process, he questioned how he earned his livelihood and began considering different choices. His family ‘tribe’ became enraged and sought to put significant roadblocks in his way. Leslie reacted with anger toward his tribe, but found the pull too strong to resist. He chose instead to lash out at fellow travelers and retreated to the folds of the family. He still goes to the occasional sweat lodge or reads the occasional uplifting book and, at the same time, has become the pit bull of the courtroom as his girth has broadened even farther reflecting his inner conflict.
While the stories up to this point have centered on individuals, these phases and choice points also happen within a system of individuals. XYZ Corporation was in trouble. People were feeling degraded and close to the breaking point. While the company showed a profit, the employees were being driven hard, their spirits increasingly depleted. There had to be more to life. The management of this company chose to undertake a retreat with its executive staff. During this retreat, new awarenesses came, fears surfaced, emotions were expressed and new possibilities arose. These activities took place in a way carefully conducted to create a safe environment. For the majority of these people, it was the first time, perhaps ever, that they had been able to express themselves deeply and honestly while also creating hope. Other activities were planned that would take them deeper and propel them into the future with Spirit in the workplace. However, when they returned to the workplace they were pulled back into the familiar, fears of being truly known resurfaced, and the retreats were cancelled. The corporate tribe conquered. The path was refused.
Coming Home⏤The Final Phase
When the Pilgrim rises to the occasion well, searches and finds what fits, she comes out the other side an Initiate. The Initiate leaves the pilgrimage behind and comes home to the temple of the inner hearth. As the Initiate stands at the temple entrance, the remaining test involves how to bring the journey home to where she lives and works, the final phase of true consciousness. For many, who willingly leaned deeply into their own fears, this long-awaited affirmation can be the most difficult. Initiates stand apart from those who have not made the journey. They now must learn how to integrate themselves back into the world in great need of what they have learned. This is a world that often rejects the varied teachings of this path and turns its head, while conversely holding out its hand to receive.
There are choice points for the Initiate here just as there were for the Pilgrim. As mythologist Joseph Campbell would note, there is a final portion to the Hero’s Journey. Sometimes the Initiate essentially gives up in frustration and goes into isolation, literally or figuratively, rather than facing an unreceptive world. Initiates like these may retreat to the mountaintop and spend the rest of their days meditating on the moon, the sun and the stars and refuse the call.
Another possibility is that the Initiate spreads her wisdom, but only in a commercial way, without heart. This would be much like an artist who has passion for her work, but begins to take commissioned pieces purely to make a living and loses her passion. Joseph Campbell would say this is a renouncement of the jewel.
The third possibility is that the Initiate will choose to notice the openings and fill the openings only until they are filled, but not to overflowing.[vii] Thus, the Initiate is pacing the reality of those around her and creating leverage for deepening life experience in those she touches.
The Initiate as Priest or Priestess
Initiates become Masters without necessarily needing to take on the mantle, although they may do so. They become a mentor and spiritual guide without having to declare it so. Here she is no longer the Initiate, but the Priestess or Priest. Joseph Campbell said:
You do not have a complete adventure unless you do get back. There is a time to go into the woods and a time to come back, and you know which it is. Do you have the courage? It takes a hell of a lot of courage to return after you’ve been in the woods.[viii]
Similarly, Don Américo said:
The shaman will have great moments of solitude when he paints his face in front of the stars, but his projection is always back toward the community. That is the expansion of consciousness!
At a circle gathering after a ritual, came a time of sharing and processing. Aaron raised his hand and said, “I find I really need to ask of those in the medical profession here, how do you take this home? I’m a surgeon and I come from a family of physicians and surgeons. It’s who I am. But I’m feeling like when I walk into that operating room and cut into someone, I’ve desecrated that person. I’ve created violence.”
Jean spoke up and talked at length about her process. She is a psychiatrist who had a practice in a traditional setting. She increasingly found that she was unable to do many of the things her profession dictated, particularly prescribing drugs when there was a possibility of doing something else, even though it may have been more unconventional. Jean found that, for her own peace of mind, she had to move her office out of the traditional restrictive setting. She moved to lease office space from a medical doctor who was involved in consciousness studies related to health. Even though she did not work alongside this M.D., just being in the same vicinity where openness and possibility were the practice helped her tremendously in her own state of Being. She continued to work in those more traditional settings, including a center where she facilitated a group for Vietnam veterans. This was a group of men suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome who had been meeting for some time and were intensely loyal to each other. She had a variety of tools for healing gathered from her own explorations into spiritual traditions. The question was how to put them to use in an acceptable way to those who were unindoctrinated. One day she breathed deeply and took the step. She asked the group, “When was the last time any of you truly relaxed?” They all agreed it was in the far reaches of their memories. “I have something I’d like to try with you as a way to relax. I am wondering which one of you would like to help me with a demonstration?” None of them were particularly excited about doing something new, but finally one man named Doug said, “You know, I’d give anything to relax. I’ll do it.”
If Doug was going to do it then, by God, the rest were all going to support it. Some of them even went down the hall to get a gurney for Doug to lie upon while the relaxation session proceeded. The process Jean used with Doug that day was actually an energetic healing method called Breema, but she did not call it such. She addressed it as its outcome, which was relaxation. What she asked the others to do that day was hold the energy for Doug, but what she said to them was for them to hold the thought of relaxation in their minds for Doug. Her intent was to project a sense of peace and all of them received it, not just Doug. Doug later reported that he had slept through the night for the first time in a very long time. The next time the group met, Harry, another veteran, said he wanted to “try on this relaxation stuff.“
After Jean’s story, Pete raised his hand to contribute to the discussion. His was a different story. His unfolding began in the early 1980s and, like many people who discover these possibilities, he wanted to share his experiences. His fellow physicians began to treat him like a kook. To help the people listening to his story understand what it was like then, he related the true story that happened at an unnamed hospital. The nurses at this hospital began to train in and use Therapeutic Touch with their patients, which is a healing method that works with the subtle energy body. The physicians were so outraged by the nurses’ actions that they posted a sign that said, “There will be no healing at this hospital.”
Pete was in a similar environment. Over the years, he suppressed a large part of himself while at work and led a secret life. He became discouraged with the medical profession that he saw as tying his hands and his heart, and became wounded himself. He continued as a physician for another twelve years before leaving the profession.
It was time for the session to break. Several people stayed to give suggestions to Aaron. Finally everyone headed to their cars to leave the premises. Bob approached Aaron in the parking lot. “Aaron, I was going to say this in the group, but this is really meant for you. When I do what I do, I use feathers, crystals and stones. These are sacred tools to me. When you do what you do, you enter the human body, which is sacred space. The tools that you use you should consider as sacred tools for entering sacred space.”
“That’s big! That’s more than anything I’ve heard.” Aaron said.
Bob continued, “You don’t have to go in and dance around or wave your hands. You can bless the space and the tools you use with intent. In a space that needs a lot of healing, you can heal there as well as anywhere.” They hugged each other and parted, each to go his own way with new understanding.
So, the final phase of the unfolding is Coming Home. It is coming home to your own Buddha nature and integrating who you are and what you now know to be possible into everyday life. This is the task and life of the Priestess or Priest. Although some may choose to operate from within an ashram and choose for Seekers to come to them, more often they will choose to inform. Inform in this sense means to shape from within. Helen Keller said, “I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.”
There are the Priests and Priestess whose stories are told in the previous paragraphs from the medical profession. Bob is a theatrical production manager. Robert is an engineer. Karen is an organizational consultant. Juanita is a translator. Joan is a full-time mother. Caleb and Leslie are attorneys. Pauline is a social worker. Jeremy is a yoga teacher. Hannah is a retired schoolteacher. All are on the path. Some will Come Home. Some are already there.
[1] Since all souls are feminine in the face of the Divine, throughout this book she and her will be used in the generic sense for both males and females, unless used in reference to a specific female. After all, the male pronoun he is contained in she and her, while the usual use of the generic he in our patriarchal culture omits any reference to females.
[i] Stephen Mitchell, trans. Tao Te Ching: A New English Version. New York: Harper Perennial, 1988. 11.
[ii] Marlo Morgan. Mutant Message Down Under. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., 1991. 52.
[iii] Malidoma Patrice Somé. Of Water and the Spirit: Ritual, Magic, and Initiation in the Life of an African Shaman. New York: Penguin Books USA, Inc., 1994. 20.
[iv] Ibid. 234.
[v] Zora Neale Hurston. Their Eyes Were Watching God. New York: Harper & Row Publishers, 1937. 1.
[vi] Husbands and Wives. Dir. by Woody Allen. TriStar Pictures, 1992
[vii] Joseph Campbell. Reflections on the Art of Living: A Joseph Campbell Companion. Selected and Edited by Diane K. Osbon. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, Inc., 1991. 81–82.
[viii] Ibid.
All events described in this book are true. Some of the names have been changed to protect the privacy of the people involved.
Bio
Carla Woody is a spiritual mentor, writer and visual artist. She is the founder of Kenosis, an organization based in Prescott, Arizona, supporting human potential since 1999 through life enhancement coaching, retreats and spiritual travel programs working with Indigenous leaders and healers in the US, Mexico, Central and South America. In 2007 she founded Kenosis Spirit Keepers, a volunteer-run 501(c)3 nonprofit organization to help preserve Indigenous traditions threatened with decimation.
Table of Contents
Part I. THE NATURE OF THE JOURNEY
Chapter Two: Awakening to Consciousness
Part II. INVOLUTION
Chapter Three: Cultivating Mindfulness
Chapter Four: The Masks We Wear
Chapter Five: Things Buried Deep and Tended Well
Chapter Six: Bootcamp for the Soul
Part III. EVOLUTION
Chapter Seven: The Seasons of Our Times
Chapter Eight: Staying in the Field
Chapter Nine: The Un-Namable Sacred
Chapter Ten: The Pilgrimage Home
Permissions: The author has given great effort to locate copyright holders of any material other than her own that have been quoted in this book, and regrets if any have been inadvertently overlooked.
Calling Our Spirits Home: Gateways to Full Consciousness
Copyright 1999 by Carla Woody. All rights reserved. No portion of this book, except for brief review, may be reproduced in any form without written permission of the publisher. Inquiries may be directed to: Kenosis Press, P.O. Box 10441, Prescott, AZ 86304, info@kenosis.net.
Also by Carla Woody:
Standing Stark: The Willingness to Engage. Read in Illumination Book Chapters.
Portals to the Vision Serpent. Coming soon to Illumination Book Chapters.
