Rumi: ‘The Cure for Pain is in the Pain’
Healing your wounded heart isn’t easy, but it’s worth it — where to begin to lean into curing your pain
“The cure for pain is in the pain.” — 13th century poet Rumi
You and I are both averse to pain, it’s in our nature. We seek comfort. Who wants to feel uncomfortable?
But when our hearts break, we walk through something horrific, or we lose someone we love; it’s painful in our entire being — body, mind, and soul.
And while there are times to distance ourselves from the pain, seasons to distract ourselves in non-destructive ways, if we numb ourselves for too long, we never truly heal from the pain.
“We heal when we can be with what we feel.” — Dr. Hillary McBride
The reality is, there is no way around the pain, only through.
Your story and experiences — everything from breathtaking to heartbreaking — are unique and in fact, written in your very cells. This woven-in history goes on to inform your choices, patterns, responses, and the way your nervous system perceives friend or foe as you move through life.
And even if you aren’t ready to believe this truth about yourself quite yet, it’s the pivotal points in our lives that grow us the most. Those moments that change our course, shift our trajectory, and often show up as pain in a loss, bad choice, or rejection.
But here is the truth: you can take your pivotal life moments and turn them into your most powerful asset. You no longer need to let the pain dictate your life, your emotional confusion, or your undesirable behaviors. Instead, they can become your greatest allies to expand you into the spiritually-alive, content-with-life person you are meant to be.
“Inviting our thoughts and feelings into awareness allows us to learn from them rather than be driven by them.” Dr. Dan Siegel, Mindsight
This is Why Therapy is Called “Doing The Work”
Being intentional about our mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being is no different than caring for ourselves through nourishing lifestyle choices such as whole food nutrition and regular exercise. While classic therapy may not be for everyone, intentional, focused attention on one’s emotional and spiritual world is non-negotiable to living life to its fullest potential.
Not moving in the direction of healing leads to closing ourselves off to joy and living fully awake for our one precious life. As you become ready to hold space for those painful parts of your story, that is when healing truly begins.
This is why I believe those who bravely explore their inner world and painful parts often call it “the work.”
Sure, there might be “homework” outside of sessions, such as process writing, meditations to listen to, fear versus control flow charts. But in my humble opinion, the hardest “work” is leaning into the uncomfortable.
Forgiveness is hard.
Revisiting traumatic experiences is hard.
Discovering a caretaker didn’t give you what you needed as a child is hard.
It takes courage, vulnerability, humility, and a massive amount of emotional energy at times, and for many, these things feel overwhelming. And that overwhelm is your clue that support is a good idea — therapy, counseling, or coaching.
And now, in my older, hopefully wiser years, I better understand what Rumi means. While I wish it were different, his words speak an undeniable truth: the cure for pain is indeed in the pain.
Where to Begin
When hard things come, we respond emotionally. And emotions themselves are an embodied experience. We’ve all felt it. Fear often leads to a whole-body contraction and jittery energy, while sadness can bring a sense of heaviness and snuff out our spark to do much of anything.
It is in our bodies that we experience life and all its many layers. And if the overwhelm of an experience is too much to handle, we disconnect from our bodies as a way of avoiding the pain. This disconnection to self and the world is what’s called disembodiment. Our sense of safety is ruptured.
Disembodiment is not wrong or bad; there are times it’s necessary. However, to be able to move forward and through, and continue to live a meaningful, joy-filled life, you just can’t stay there.
The cure for pain is in the pain, and it’s the only way to move toward healing. The fact is, you are resilient, even with your brokenness — no, especially because of your brokenness. Fellow Medium author Thomas Oppong pens this brilliantly in Your Worst Precedes Your Best.
2 Tools to Re-Connect with Yourself
First, come home to your body. Embodiment is a coming home to ourselves, a remembrance of our wholeness, preciousness, and worth. As Bessel Van de Kolk says in his book The Body Keeps the Score,
“Body awareness puts us in touch with our inner world…simply noticing our annoyances, our nervousness or anxiety immediately helps us shift our perspective and opens up new options other than our automatic habitual reactions….When we pay focused attention to our body sensations, we can recognize the ebb and flow of our emotions and with that increase our control over them.”
This is exactly why the mindful movement of yoga is so healing, and there is a yoga studio around every corner. But if yoga isn’t your thing, try mindful walking, tai chi, or somatic movement (my fav). Explore classes (online or live) and see what feels like a good fit for you.
Second, embody safety. We can teach our bodies, minds, and hearts to shift from a place of “I am not safe” to “I am safe.” You can strengthen your internal felt sense and perception of safety, to rewire your entire mind-body system.
Begin by making a list of safe things: safe places, safe people, safe sensations, safe music, and so on. As you make your list, lean into one or two of the items and pause.
Connect to a felt-sense of safety at a somatic level with a few slow, soothing breaths and notice how it feels in your body.
Perhaps you sense a renewed layer of softness in your jaw or there is a flutter of lightness that fills your heart. Whatever it is, savor the fact that you are safe enough, right here, right now.
The world of embodiment and healing our wounded hearts is nuanced, and curing our pain is done one small, embodied step at a time.
