Health and wellness
3 Changes that Helped me Curb Social Anxiety
I’ve struggled with social anxiety in the past.
For a few years, I couldn’t go outside without sweating profusely and having heart palpitations. Morning runs are hard when your heart is pounding before you start exercising it.
The anxiety affected my daily activities. I couldn’t perform more than two tasks outside without feeling the world all around me fall apart and me crushing with it.
I had difficulties in school. I was always in discomfort in class, often lost my concentration, and had difficulties understanding. My mind was always distracted or fighting battles within itself.
My relationship with my family was also affected. I wanted to hide it from them, but it eventually proved impossible.
I let the anxiety rule my life for a while. The result was constantly feeling helpless and making ill decisions. I failed to ask for the help I needed because I was living in denial.
It took me two years to realize the anxiety was not supposed to be a part of me. It took almost having a panic attack in public to decide I needed a change.
I’d forge my schedule around the anxiety. I skipped classes when I didn’t have the mental energy to go outside. I didn’t know what I was dealing with then. It felt like a constant battle within myself and I convinced myself it could always get better.
There were moments when I’d laugh with my friends for hours and attend 3-hour classes in a day without feeling the burden. On days like those, I felt I was curable, I had everything under control only to crash hard the next day, and the cycle would continue.
I had no concept of what I was dealing with then. I had no idea what I had to do to operate at my full potential. I didn’t know that I could go a week without a panic attack or a day without my heart palpitating and mild anxiety attacks. I didn’t know that was achievable for me.
At one point, I had accepted that’s the person I was. I convinced myself I just needed to soldier through the days and retreat to my haven in the evening.
I couldn’t have known I wasn’t supposed to live like that because I didn’t give myself the choice to know better.
I should have asked for help sooner.
3 Things that are different in my life now.
1. I am not self-conscious
When I had anxiety issues, one wrong I did was constantly being in my head.
I saw things not as they were, but as my mind perceived them. In my mind, everything was always out to get me.
I’d easily get affected by things people did or said even when they had no intention of hurting me. Worse, I stuck with what I perceived as negative and was indifferent to the positive things people did for me.
If they were nice to me, they expected something from me so I’d reject their kindness.
This didn’t directly have an effect on my panic attacks but it was one of those negative ruts I was stuck in that had an impact on my view of the world and in turn, played a role in the anxiety.
2. I don’t out myself as special or different
When I had my struggles with anxiety, I didn’t think I had a chance at being okay again. Normal is not the word.
I believed I was different and, therefore, this had to happen to me. When a friend tried to understand me or get me to open up, I’d tell them they couldn’t understand because they weren’t like me.
Lame lie. I hid behind that belief because I was more afraid of the unknown than I was scared of what was currently going on in my life.
Who would I be without the anxiety? I had built my whole identity as the anxious girl next door that can’t stand being outside sometimes or who doesn’t attend class just because.
I was more afraid of not having an identity than bearing the wrong identity. Besides anxiety, I had ego issues.
3. I don’t expect the worst at every turn
A constant when I was struggling with anxiety was I expected the world to crumble down at every turn.
I expected things to go wrong at all times and in every situation. I couldn’t enjoy good times for long because I knew they wouldn’t last long.
I wouldn’t let people into my life because I knew they would eventually leave. The thought that the anxiety would surface and they would reject me was not appealing.
I rejected everything before I got rejected.
And as a result, I was stuck in a constant rut of negativity where I rejected everything around me whether it could affect me or not, and expected the worst out of every situation.
The world and most of my environment is still as highly stimulating as it has always been. But I do not crumble with every five breaths.
I changed a lot of things, views, and ideologies about myself to enjoy a more fulfilling life, some of which I hadn’t noticed until I wrote them down just now.
I have often said finding meaning in what I do was the start of living a more fulfilled life, but realizing I needed to get rid of the social anxiety was the true first step.
It wasn’t an overnight flip. It took a long time for me to be able to live at my full potential again without constantly fighting battles within myself. I don’t remember much of what my life was before I drowned in anxiety, but I know what it was then and how much different it is now.
I am grateful that I got to know how different and better life could be by living it.
I swapped self-consciousness for self-awareness. Getting to know myself and perceiving the environment around me without attaching any feelings or emotions has helped me a great deal.
I went from being a victim of my environment to having a positive relationship with it.
I am no longer stuck in my head and that helps me see things as they are, from an unbiased view.
We are unique, with unique strengths and weaknesses, but not one of us is different from the other. I am not special and neither are you.
We are of one mind, and everything we need is in our environment, often right in front of our eyes. It takes being in sync with your environment and not being a victim of it to find ways to use it to nurture yourself.
Get out of your head and let go of your ego, the identity you create for yourself.
By being in sync with your environment you can see the opportunities that are right in front of you. Your view of the world is no longer tainted with your insecurities.
Give yourself a chance to see the world from a different perspective. If it means asking for help, let go of your ego to live a more fulfilling life.
