4 Ways You Are Sabotaging Yourself — Ego Encompasses Them All
When ego is lost, limit is lost. You become infinite, kind, and beautiful. — Yogi Bhajan
Have you ever done something that in your mind you were truly convinced was in your best interests but later turned out to be the worst thing you could have done for yourself?
If your answer is yes, was the initiative you took majorly based on proving (to yourself or others) that you had control of a situation?
Perhaps it was based on maintaining your social status, power, and respect among your peers.
Or maybe you were trying to prove your strength, independence, and self-sufficiency.
In one of those scenarios, you probably mapped out what to do and how people should view you.
It might have worked, but I’m willing to bet it cost you something else.
Meet your ego.
What is Ego
A dictionary defines ego as a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
From a psychoanalysis perspective, the ego is the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious. It is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
There are a lot more definitions out there. I will focus on these two to show you how the ego, a conscious you bring to life, controls you when you let it.
The ego is a self you create. It has a very rigid identity.
It creates patterns, beliefs, and ideas that have to be, and anything outside those is rejected. The ego is very defensive about your identity.
How Does Ego Affect Your Life?
In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear addresses the effect of identity on habit-forming and breaking.
The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity. It’s one thing to say I’m the type of person who wants this. It’s something very different to say I’m the type of person who is this. — James Clear
Your ego creates an identity, your identity dictates your habits, and habits sum up a man’s life.
Your ego, therefore, without you realizing it, can limit you.
You are unable to enjoy life outside who you think you should be because you think of yourself as a rigid being capable of the things you already are (the known) and incapable of different experiences.
It is human nature to be afraid of the unknown.
The ego ensures you do not step out into the unknown for two reasons. The first is the fear of the unknown, and the second is to defend your rigid identity.
The ego, however, is not who you really are. The ego is your self-image; it is your social mask; it is the role you are playing. Your social mask thrives on approval. It wants control, and it is sustained by power because it lives in fear. — Deepak Chopra
Like most things in life, it is important to find the perfect balance with your ego.
The ego is not entirely an evil entity we should get rid of.
Some of our strengths are enhanced by our egos. The level of ability, self-importance, and intelligence you believe you have can play a major role in achieving your goals.
The identity your ego creates is not all narcissistic and selfish unless the balance is compromised.
It’s that identity that helps you uniquely navigate life, allows you to live authentically, and achieve the things you know you are capable of.
What happens when you let the self you have created control your life while rejecting new ideologies is the downside of an inflated ego.
4 Ways Your Ego is Limiting You and How to Change That
1. Your career development
When you limit your abilities and withhold yourself from accepting new roles, your career progress may be affected.
In the past, I have missed out on business opportunities because I believed I was not fit for certain roles.
By defining myself as an introvert, I rejected ideas that could fast-track my freelance writing progress because they required me to get out of my comfort zone.
These ideas required me to market myself, reach out to clients, or act when I found a market gap.
I was required to open up socially, something I knew I was incapable of because I let myself believe it.
You may reject new roles because they require you to redefine your identity. Perhaps you do not view yourself as a salesperson or capable of leadership.
It may feel comfortable choosing not to push yourself, but you are costing yourself something worth a lot more.
Here’s what you should know; you are not your personality, and your identity is not written on a stone.
If you are experiencing difficulties developing your career, take a second look at the ideas you rejected or didn’t give a chance because you thought you were incapable.
You will be surprised how much you can accomplish when you stop letting some voice in your head define your capabilities.
2. Your social life
As an introvert, I have had an unhealthy social life by locking myself in a rigid identity.
In a different article, I tell a story of how reveling in my comfort zone led to the neglect of my social life.
While there’s nothing wrong with my introversion, the rigid definition of my social abilities and inabilities cost me my relationship with friends, potential friends, family, and an easy connection with my partner.
I would have pushed myself to try harder, but I hid behind the fear of rejection, not being liked, or not being enough. I protected myself from discomfort, but it cost me a lot more.
Your ego may limit your social development by bringing out your worst fears and hindering you from being open to new experiences.
Your life is much better when you are not living beyond your fears and discomfort.
3. Your productivity
Your ego may get in the way of your productivity at work or school.
If you reject new perspectives or insights before you give them a chance, you are letting ego control you.
This may result in you feeling stuck, minimal or no progress, and poor grades or sub-standard work.
Be open to new ideas and different perspectives to maximize your productivity.
Ditch the expert status and be open to learning. When you are constantly learning, you advance your skills and will have an easy time solving problems.
4. Your self-development
The above three aspects are vital in your life. One or all of them will determine the quality of your life.
Therefore, your development (or lack of ) in these aspects will determine the quality of your life. This will, in turn, affect your self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth.
When the balance of your ego is compromised, while it may help you succeed, it will negatively affect your life creating a dent in your self-development.
Other difficulties you might experience when you let ego control you are asking for and accepting.
This may result in isolation and feelings of loneliness.
You may also have a hard time connecting with people.
Letting ego control you may ruin all the good things in your life and can even lead to mental distress.
Be mindful of your actions and evaluate your decisions to ensure you are not effortlessly living in a harmful comfort zone.
