5 Signs of Bread-Crumbing — Take Back Your Time!

Are you someone who is living on bread crumbs? If you are then you are most likely not aware of it. Learn to avoid wasting time in an endless feedback loop that will just lead to pain.

Photo by Jared Sluyter on Unsplash

I came across this term Breadcrumbing the other day and I was wondering yet again what it means as new terms keep coming up. So if you haven’t heard this term before. Here’s the definition by google

“Breadcrumbing” is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. “breadcrumbs”) to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it’s leading someone on.

And I was like marvelous, what an interesting term that is, and then the next moment epiphany hit me. Somehow the epiphany always feels like a slap on the face and bag full of bricks at the same time. The bag full of bricks stuns you and the slap on the face wakes you up from the stupor and leads to the ‘Aha! Moment’.

And of course, it’s followed by the phrase “so that’s why … now I get it”.

And after that, you have forever changed always for the good. Unless you wish to go back into denial and be woken up later by a bigger bag of bricks and a tighter slap. The cycle shall continue until you grow.

Bread-Crumbing in the essence, not a new thing but rather an age-old thing so much that when I was speaking to an uncle of mine, he replied that it’s called “piece giving” in Punjabi. So with that understanding, I went about reading more about Bread Crumbing and it turns out that I had been on the receiving end of it without being aware of it.

And when you become aware of the name of a certain never seen before, it helps you put things into perspective. And the undiscovered becomes something that you know.

So here are the 5 signs of Breadcrumbing –

1. She/he msgs you once in a blue moon and enquires about your well-being, but doesn’t respond when you answer them. Now there is nothing wrong with that, right, you might think, as everyone is busy in their own lives. Many friends too aren’t constantly in touch because of the busy schedule and the distances and work or personal obligations. But this is not that scenario. In this case, whenever you reply back they will not bother to look at your replies. Perhaps they read it in notifications or you might see a blue tick too. But they are only concerned with whether you respond back to them or not.
2. He/she makes plans to meet but right before the day of the meeting, they plan to cancel due to some excuse. Again a nice person like yourself might give them the benefit of doubt. But if it happens twice, thrice then it would be stupid to think that they are actually interested in taking things forward with you. Most likely they are
3. She/he will always give you a reply in maybes and they remain non-committal. You know what they say about maybe, it is the Britisher’s way of saying a No. So if somebody keeps giving you non-committal replies it’s time to move forward. And understand that if you are looking for something meaningful then its time for you to find someone else.
4. You are always the one to initiate a conversation. So maybe you have been talking and even having a good conversation. But is it only happening when you initiate the conversation? There is a possibility that they are just being polite to you and you are one of the options for them. A healthy relationship requires both you and them to give equal attention to each other.
5. They reach out when you start to pull away. So you feel now that since this is not going anywhere that you need to step back and re evaluate your life. And just when you step back, you start to get phone calls or msgs and start getting the attention. You check yourself, thinking that you were just over thinking and maybe this is really good and its going somewhere. But before you know it they are treating you the same way. This is a classic sign of Bread crumbing.

Why People are Bread Crumbing?

I wish the answer was as simple as that the person bread crumbing you is an evil person who wants to hurt you. But its not that simple.

Firstly bread crumbing is a behavior that’s a reflection of the other person so you never have to feel bad about it. The reasons behind them behaving in this manner could range from the fact that they are not mature personalities who seek attention of many people and are doing it on purpose, or to simply being indecisive person who is trying to keep their options open.

Either way the point is that once you have recognized it, you have the power to be in control of your life and decide to not be taken for granted.

What to do when people Breadcrumb you ?

The answer is simple.

1. Call it out and have an honest conversation with them.
2. Tell them what you are seeking and understand what they want. If the behavior doesn’t change then its time to move forward and be thankful you did sooner.
3. Some people might not be easy to have a conversation with when you call it out and thats okay. You don’t have to prove them anything and neither do you have to convince them of their behavior. You just have to take care of yourself.

Here’s another interesting article that I found which shares some quotes that will help you deal with breadcrumbing.

Conclusion

There could be many take aways like you deserve to be happy, you deserve a healthy relationship and love and companionship. But really I can just sum it up in one sentence.

You deserve the best don’t settle for the rest.