A Recipe to Achieve Fulfilling Goals With 9 Ingredients From 31 Years of Experience
As a data scientist, I have a natural inclination towards identifying recurring patterns in everything.
It has always been second nature to me and just like breathing it is not something that I do consciously.
Why am I talking about pattern recognition in an article about “goals”?
Well, this article is the result of a lifetime of conscious and subconscious pattern identification.
From my 31 years of trials and errors, successes and failures, from my observation of others, from the books I read, from the podcasts I have listened to, from insights I got with psychedelics, from listening to people from all walks of life.
This is my current understanding of the best recipe to achieve a goal.
Why am I writing about it? Well, I have three main reasons and they are all selfish:
- I want to crystallise this knowledge for future reference for me. Life happens and sometimes we forget about truth or insights we had previously found. If I am struggling with a goal in the future, I want to be able to come back here and check which principles I have applied correctly, and which principles I have forgotten.
- I want this article to serve as the entry point for a dialogue with anyone who will read it. If you disagree, feel something is missing or have any suggestions, please do so in the comment section. It would help me (and hopefully you) refine the approach and make it better.
- It feels really great to share insights that I deeply think will help other people outside of myself. I am literally getting a high from this.
Here, what I call a “goal” is not necessarily something serious or grandiose like “I want to rule the world” or “I want to be president”. It can be acquiring a new skill, adopting new habits, changing your mindset, being better at relationships etc.
1. Let them emerge from the inside, not the outside
Have you ever chased a goal and achieved it to then realise it’s not something you wanted to do deep down?
You felt empty because of the lack of meaning behind it. And you were left with the frustration of having misused your time and energy.
What can you do to avoid that?
Before setting a goal, make sure it is yours and not somebody else’s.
Below is the article I wrote explaining how you can do this.
2. Break them down into a roadmap of SMART goals
When the gap between reality and the goal or dream you are going after is large, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and lost.
The beginning is full of questions without obvious answers:
“How am I going to do this?”, “Where should I start?”, “How much time is this going to take me?”, “How can I track the progress?”, “How do I know what I am doing is relevant to the goal?” etc.
How can you get out of that debilitating state?
First, don’t try to do everything at once. Simply break the big goal into smaller goals.
Common sense, right?
What is less common and that I recommend you do is to make sure these smaller goals follow SMART criteria.
If you want to know more about SMART goals, just read the article I wrote below.
3. Let them sink into your subconscious mind
Feeling stuck, lacking motivation or procrastinating while pursuing something you know comes from the depth of your soul can be quite disturbing.
Isn’t that supposed to be effortless?
You might even second-guess yourself because of that: “Is this really for me?”, “Am I just being lazy?” etc.
There could be many reasons for that and one of them is often overlooked: your subconscious mind working against you and not for you.
The good news is you can reprogram your subconscious mind.
How the hell can you do this?
4. Keep them to yourself until completion (science says it)
Do you often talk about your big goals or dreams before you’ve started making serious progress?
If this is a habit for you, you probably want to think about changing it.
The cons outweigh the pros.
If the feedback is positive, it feels good in the short term, but kills your drive in the long term because of the way our dopamine system works. For your brain, it feels like you have already accomplished the goal.
If the feedback is negative, it instils doubt in your mind which will slow you down in your quest. But if you got it from someone who has never done what you want to do, what’s the value of their words?
You don’t need the opinion of everyone. Seek the point of view of domain experts, people who have already achieved what you are trying to do, members of your mastermind group, or even chat-GPT.
5. Surround yourself with the right people
The school system taught us to not copy on other students.
Well, f*ck the school system. Without guidance and a community of like-minded individuals, your journey can become unnecessarily challenging.
Find or build a mastermind group. It’s a network of people who have the same goal and are willing to help each other in a mutually satisfying way.
Then find a mentor who has already done it. But don’t be entitled. You have to be worthy of his help.
Ask yourself: “how would the mentor benefit from my help?”
Do the necessary research and investigations to find answers to this question. And then reach out to him with the corresponding angle. You’ll be in a better position to have his/her attention.
However, adding people who can propel you further is only one side of the coin. The other side is to remove (or at least distance yourself from) people who are slowing you down.
I know it sounds harsh. It is up to you to weigh the pros and the cons and to decide for yourself what are your priorities: the attainment of meaningful goals and dreams or the maintenance of relationships that don’t match your aspirations anymore.
I am providing more details in this article:
6. Have a bias towards action
Do you have a tendency to overanalyse before taking action?
You feel you are never ready and need to collect more information, read more books, listen to more podcasts, improve your plan etc.
You end up going in circles and start second guessing yourself after you’ve identified enough risks and reasons to not do anything.
I have seen myself falling in that trap more than necessary.
I have learned that analysis-paralysis and disproportionate fears were preventing me from taking action, which is the only way to get real-world feedback and make true progress towards a goal.
I deep dive into the topic in a recent article where I contribute a framework inspired from The Lean Startup aimed at urging you to take action as soon as possible, make mistakes, learn from them, refine your plan and repeat.
I call this framework the Act-Measure-Learn loop.
7. Prioritise them
Do you feel overwhelmed when you think about everything you need to do and everything you want to do?
At some point, you might even have lost the ability to distinguish between “things you have to do” (imposed by the external world: society, work, responsibilities etc.) and “things you want to do” (urged by the internal world: dreams, aspirations, hobbies etc.).
Every time an opportunity comes to you, part of you is excited about it, the other part worries you’re going to spread too thin and burnout in the process if you cease it.
If this resonates with you, you urgently need a few mindset shifts as well as tools to help you gain more clarity.
- Say “No” more often. We often exaggerate the consequences of saying “no”. If you do it too often, you basically become slave to the external world.
- Learn the art of doing more with less. Combine the Pareto Principle, the Eisenhower matrix and Parkinson’s law to optimise your time in a smart way with little downsides.
8. When motivation fades, switch to discipline
Speaking from experience, the excitement that comes from ideating on a big goal and starting making baby steps towards it is never long-lasting.
At some point in the journey, we face set-backs, obstacles, challenges. It becomes hard.
We wonder: “should I continue?”, “why am I doing this again?”
Well, motivation is flaky and discipline is reliable.
If motivation leaves (hopefully it’s temporary), hang-out with discipline. Discipline will always be available for you.
However, one is not superior to the other. They just have different roles.
You need motivation to start. You need discipline to continue until the end.
I have covered this part more extensively in this article:
9. Enjoy both the journey and the destination
This part is for type A individuals. I believe Medium is full of them.
You are probably highly accomplished. But how fulfilled are you?
It’s clear the end goal is important for you, but do you take the time to enjoy the process?
Succeeding is your comfort zone, but do you even take the time to celebrate your successes?
Have you asked yourself where that hunger for achieving bigger and bigger things come from? Are you trying to fill an internal void?
If you want more life satisfaction, the article below explains how enjoying the process and celebrating the end are both critical.
I also demonstrate how more mindfulness and resolving childhood traumas are key.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the path to achieving fulfilling goals is a journey of self-discovery, self-development and deliberate action.
Know yourself, stay true to your values, and eliminate the unnecessary distractions.
Embrace simple yet effective systems while adapting your environments.
Be proactive, patient, and trust the process, and above all, be mindful and savour every step along the way.
With these principles in mind, you’re well-equipped to turn your aspirations into meaningful achievements.
